~Requiem for a f***ing Loser~
by Ernesto "Thumbs" Garcia
Dave. Remember Dave? He was a guy who posted here. He had over 13 motherf***ing thousand posts. He liked Britney Spears. He liked Lady Gaga. He totally wasn't gay.
Well, that f***ing son of a bitch was banned the other day, and there isn't even a motherf***ing thread about it! f*** a thread--there isn't a POST about it!
Where. Is. The. God. Damned. Loyalty. Hm?
How many of you Tseng-licking shits had him on your friends lists? How many of you had patiently endured his attempts at sexting with you? How many of you had agreed with him that, yes, there are strange forces at work in the universe?
And now nothing. Silence.
When Jukebox Jury was banned, ohhhhhhh remember that?! Bedlam! Riots in the streets! For months! (Dave, by the way, carried on endlessly about how boring that was. Perhaps he envied Jukebox's send-off, knowing that his own would be--a big fat nothing?)
A million years ago, Dave used to post on Morrissey Music. He was suspended from there for stalking, and for trying to get other people banned. The site went down while he was suspended. He came here to fight with the people he fought with there. For years if you asked him if he was banned from that site, he'd say, "No, I wasn't banned." But wouldn't explain what really happened. Just imply, by staying quiet, that no such thing or anything like it had happened. Very Tseng, that.
It was always hard to tell what he really thought about anything. Because he was a f***ing liar. About everything. But that's OK. Everybody lies.
He was an I-am-above-it-all zen advocate who constantly bitched, snooped, and back-stabbed. Standard human hypocrisy. Nothing to hate a guy over.
He was one of the few people here who told the truth about the corrupt moderation, for a while. Then he got what he wanted with NRitH being banned, and all that went under a self-imposed gag order, apparently. He also had to get out of having started a website for harassing various dipshits from here. He pretty much just dodged questions and kissed Kewpie's ass furiously.
It worked. For more than a year afterward, he enjoyed status as one of the mods' pet attack dogs. Attacking James Cagney, Scarlet What's-her-name, Jukebox Jury--anybody who criticized the site's rulers.
Then something happened. Not sure what. Could it really have been Picadilly Jim's couple of posts? Was it his bragging about not needing to be a mod, because he's "friends with Kewpie"? Was that going too far? Giving the game away? Maybe he was trying like a motherf***er to get !Viva Hate! re-banned, since he was obviously scared shitless that Viva was going to start calling him a warlock or something. He posted something cryptic about people being unbanned "to create controversy." Something like that. Tseng gets all I-give-the-orders-around-here if you tell him someone's f***ing with you. Unless you do it while crying and saying, "Me victim! Me victim!" Could have been that alone, really.
Anyway, Tseng says he was "recently exposed" re. the Solow site. Good f***ing Lord--he was exposed almost two years ago, flake. But you bastards let it go because he was doing your bidding. Dave tried blaming that little sissy Viva for what went on there, but I guess that didn't work? Because Viva's back and doing fine even though the mods hate him. Very weird.
I wondered what was going on for the past month. Dave was finally speaking up again, telling the truth about how things work here. I thought maybe loyalty to Morrissey really was behind it. Or Dave had finally grown a pair of balls?!
Now we know: no, he just knew that he only had a month left. He'd been banned, but given time to edit from his past posts various remarks about foot odor and magick and eBay, I guess.
Anyway. Dave. Nobody ever gave a f*** about him, so I wrote this post. A memorial to the unknown total f***ing loser. We have to remember these people. They're human beings, too.
