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I haven`t been well physically and mentally. I`ve just not been feeling well at all. I am exhausted all the time and have trouble sleeping. My depression is really wearing me down and I have no motivation. I am just a useless thing taking up space. All I want is to feel better. When you`re sick...
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I was looking at some pictures again which had been taken shortly after his death. Hadn't done so for three weeks coz there was simply no time to get into contact with my sadness at the end of the day. Actually, I'm glad I took these pics. Now that I have his ashes here, I need to remind...
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I got his ashes back yesterday. They are all gathered in a little black urn for animals who weighed about 2,5 kilos at the time of their death. The urn is not decorated at all, which is fine with me. I don't need images of paws and hearts and stuff on it. So, the guy at the cemetery gave me a...
It's already been a week since he died. (watching the snow, 2018) This time last week, I was sitting on the sofa, unable to leave his dead body, which was still warm then. I had closed his eyes and cleaned his nose to wipe away the mucus, running out of it slowly but incessantly. It would...
I've made it to the year 2018 today. This will be a very fat photo book, but I don't care. If I don't remember him, nobody will, and he does of course deserve the very best treatment, even post mortem. (This thought makes me hope that his body is treated respectfully at the cremation site. I...
It really hit me hard today. It's been almost 10 years, so that's quite a lot of time, and years are passing by, and suddenly someone you have shared these years with, is gone forever. What does that do to all those shared years? They are now, like your companion, slowly sinking into oblivion...
It's the first weekend after his death, and I have plunged into a very deep sadness today. I am feeling sorry that I couldn't help him, and that he can't help me any longer. Life presents itself devoid of any meaning at all. This seems to be a phase, as everyone says, but I am sure that such...
Rest in peace, little man. You will always be remembered. * 2010 t 3.11.2021 (picture taken on Nov, 2nd 2021)
It's noon, and since this early morning, eventually, time is running out for him, the course has been set. I called in sick today, so that I can spend his final hours with him together, even though, most of the time, he is hiding under the sofa as usual. The vet will be here this evening, and...
This morning I thought he would die. He was lying on the window sill in the kitchen, on his side, purring non-stop, eyes wide open, looking somewhere, mouth open, breathing heavily in and out. I was putting my hand on his back and his eyes were moving towards me, and then looking at me, but he...
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He has spent most of the day under the sofa. It's actually quite a nice place to hide and relax. When I check on him, he is either sitting there crouchedly on all fours or is lying on his side looking pretty good. He hasn't had a fever for a few days. When I talk to him, he responds and...
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It is not a good day for him. There are moments when he is just sitting apathically on a spot, be it the table or the floor, as if waiting to be picked up and healed by someone. Unfortunately, I cannot do that. Nobody can. His nose is running non-stop, and there is a little rustle in his lungs...
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So, we went to the vet again today. This time with the certain diagnosis that it is "only a question of weeks". He is down to 2,7 kg, but he still eats and drinks, especially in the morning. He got a pain killer shot which will last for 24 hours, so that I can see whether there is any difference...
I got him this new and fancy feather-rod in orange and yellow and two lil jingle bells. It's amazing how much killer instinct there is still in him. He jumped on it immediately, grabbed the feathers with his mouth, and carried the whole thing into the bathroom, which has become another one of...
When he wakes up and thrusts back his head, there is a second of hope and life. His sudden alertness is still there. But he does not have the chance to get better. That's what I was told today, it was very clear. I am grateful for this clarity. But it is the entry gate for sadness. And when I...
In the mornings he seems to be okay, eating, peeing, walking around. The later the day, the worse his condition. In the evenings, he gets feverish and tired, breathing fast. I will have to go to my general vets tomorrow, now that we have the diagnosis from the clinic. I fear that his condition...
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