The Drivel Thread

[Light Housework]

My foot’s stopped throbbing, and I’m hardly limping anymore. I had a nap and since waking up, haven’t rattle coughed. The skin sore on my chest doesn’t hurt now, and looks like it is continuing to heal. The rash I had quite a number of days ago has faded away completely. Oh. I just rattle coughed. There is still a red patch in my right eyeball. I’m not feeling the general malaise right now that I had been for several days. My palms still have something going on in their centres. I have another appointment with my doctor soon, and my mental health worker is going to come with me because she too is not happy with my doctor dismissing my physical problems as a potential mental health issue. My worker has an eagle eye for details and she is certain there is a problem with my palms. She’s very outspoken and assertive and will tell my doctor that it’s insidious of her to attribute my physical problems to my mental health status. I will have some questions written down to ask my dismissive doctor, and the presence of my assertive worker will probably elicit a better response than I would get alone with her and her resident doctor ganging up on me with their prejudice of it being all in my head, because of my easy to blame tag of 'schizophrenic'.

 

[Light Housework]

Thinking of potentially spending some quality time with you Morrissey, especially if I get quite robustly healthy, at least relatively. I relish the idea right now.

 

[Light Housework]

Was going through my paintings and came across this Baz. I must have taken it down when I was mad at you. It's back up now.

 

[Light Housework]

Feeling pretty good now for a change. I may paint some Morrissey In 2004 soon. First I’m reading more about that female psychopath that seems to have left behind a string of sinister murders. The author has taken great pains to piece the truth together. Then I will have my session with my counsellor via Zoom, which I never would have been able to afford, years ago. I wouldn’t have even dreamed of being able to ever afford a $130 counselling session. I’m going to ask her if her sliding scale can slide down to $90 in future, because I’m not rich. I’m going to probably take all that trash behind me out pretty soon. Within a week, I’d say, if I continue to feel pretty good. I guess I should write down what I want most to discuss with my counsellor. Mainly, writer’s block.

 

[Light Housework]

This is a smile for Baz.

 

[Was I ever any good]

Oh shucks…. Your making me blush now

 

[Light Housework]

Oh shucks…. Your making me blush now

Really?

 

[Light Housework]

"In trying to understand what makes such people tick, many have turned to Otto Kernberg’s theory of malignant narcissism, Simon Baron-Cohen’s zero negative empathy disorder, or Robert Hare’s psychopathy checklist. These researchers have provided a useful interpretative framework for recognizing psychopaths, but their concepts can’t quite explain the mystery of a femme fatale. A man who enters a relationship with her is doomed not only because of her inability to love, but also because his own flaws will be laid horribly bare as the relationship unfolds. Every man has weaknesses, and the femme fatale will exploit them with devastating effectiveness. Especially vulnerable are conscientious men who are aware of their imperfections, as their susceptibility to feeling guilt will seem to validate her accusations. Such men are the female psychopath’s favorite prey. Under the steady barrage of her emasculating psychological warfare and gaslighting, only an aggressive male psychopath could turn the tables. Normal, law-abiding men don’t stand a chance."

Leake, John. The Meaning of Malice: On the Trail of the Black Widow of Highland Park (pp. 383-384). Counterplay Books. Kindle Edition.

 

[Light Housework]

I once took an acting class. Here I will try to portray a psychopath.

 

[Light Housework]

Convincing?

 

[Light Housework]

"As the idealizing, honeymoon phase ends as she becomes bored and resentful, the dehumanizing begins. The extreme stress of the relationship brings out the worst in a man, thereby making it all the easier for her to justify ruining or even murdering him. If he asks her why she wants to destroy him, she may answer with real conviction that it’s all his fault.

CHAPTER 89: THE REGULATORS Just before Christmas, 2022, I called each member of a group that I (in my private thoughts) call the Regulators. All are women, and they are the only people in this story spanning forty years who made a persistent effort to stop Sandra’s depredations."

Leake, John. The Meaning of Malice: On the Trail of the Black Widow of Highland Park (pp. 384-385). Counterplay Books. Kindle Edition.

 

[Light Housework]

I wonder if my sister has contemplated offing her husband for the life insurance yet. When I told him over the phone that she tried to take the shirt off my back, he said “I think not!”.

 

[Light Housework]

This is me thinking about my sister.

 

[Light Housework]

My sister and me. She's happy that I am disappointed that my present is a box of Christmas cards.

 

[Light Housework]

I guess our dad was taking the photo, and she was trying to hide her pleasure a little from him.

 

[Light Housework]

Me, mum, and dad. I guess sis was taking the photo and mum was giving her a look of shared contempt for me and dad.

 

[Light Housework]

Me as a baby

 

[Light Housework]

Me, mum and dad

 

[Light Housework]

He died of a “sudden heart attack” shortly after embarking on his first session of quality time alone with me. Some coincidence huh. I was 8, and no one consoled me. I heard a cassette with his voice reciting Christmas carols, and saw his boy scouts logbook/journal, and knew by those two artifacts that he was a gentle, caring, thoughtful person. Those two items swiftly disappeared and he was never mentioned again except for during a phone call decades later when I asked my sister if she gave him a poisoned sandwich or something, the day he died. No answer from her of course. Just basically a click.

 

[Light Housework]

I must have been about 7 here.