The Morrissey Sexual Position Thread

[bored]

Take a song title (or lyric) and describe a sexual position/act that the song means.

For example:

The "Jack The Ripper" - You strangle her to death while having sex
The "Half a Person" - Sex with someone who has no legs
The "I Don't Owe You Anything" - Have sex with a prostitute and don't pay her and insist you were just roleplaying

I'll let it build some momentum before getting too crass.

Also, don't feel bad about using a title someone else used.

 

[PregnantForTheLastTime]

"Miserable Lie"-- my marriage.

 

[bored]

"Miserable Lie"-- my marriage.

Perhaps The Celebate Cry - Get married

 

[Wichita Lineman]

More suggestions than positions, but here are some. I apologise in advance.

Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others – An orgy where some of the ladies are of a larger persuasion.
Money Changes Everything – Approaching a stranger and seeing how much it takes for them to agree to f*** you.
I Keep Mine Hidden – Stick a phallic object in every available orifice, your partner has to guess which is your real penis.
I Know It's Over – Ejaculate prematurely and don't apologise.
What Difference Does It Make? - Blind-fold your partner and f*** them up the vadge or up the wrong 'un, without letting them know which you are going for beforehand.
These Things Take Time – Just refuse to come until she/he is sore and bleeding.
How Soon Is Now? - Keep saying, “I'm going to come” from the moment you enter him/her. It will be a surprise when, at last, you do.
Hand In Glove – Fisting.
This Night Has Opened My Eyes – Come. In her/his eyes. If they're closed, prise them open.
Girl Afraid – Go mental during the sex process, until she/he cries out of sheer panic and fear.
Back To The Old House – Good ol'fashioned anal.
Reel Around The Fountain – self-explanatory.
Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want – make him/her beg incessantly.
Is It Really So Strange – Take it in turns to see who can come up with the weirdest position/thing, the aim being to legitimately scare your partner rather than turn them on.
Sheila Take A Bow – Doggy.
Panic – Phone the police claiming you are being attacked, and then see if you can have full sex and clean up afterwards before the police arrive.
Oscillate Wildly – Enter partner. Oscillate wildly.
Rubber Ring – PVC. Everywhere.
Stretch Out & Wait – self explanatory.
Asleep – f*** your partner while they sleep without waking them up.
The Headmaster Ritual – schoolboy/girl fantasy (including caning)

...I'm bored now.

 

[Worm]

Take a song title (or lyric) and describe a sexual position/act that the song means.

For example:

The "Jack The Ripper" - You strangle her to death while having sex
The "Half a Person" - Sex with someone who has no legs
The "I Don't Owe You Anything" - Have sex with a prostitute and don't pay her and insist you were just roleplaying

I'll let it build some momentum before getting too crass.

Also, don't feel bad about using a title someone else used.

Well, you mean besides the obvious one? All Morrissey-Smiths songs = No sex at all.

"November Spawned A Monster": A doll's head is inserted into the anus and pushed out during oral intercourse. (Doll's head preferably deformed.)

"Hand In Glove": Fisting, natch.

"Girlfriend In A Coma": Sex by roofie. (Simulated; the undrugged female partner lies completely still, as if sleeping-- see also "British Sex")

"Alsatian Cousin": Animal husbandry.

"The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get": One partner proceeds to execute a number of small, innocuous tasks around the house while the other attempts to pin and mount him/her.

"Speedway": Lubricants poured over every inch of the bodies. Often takes place on a Slip-N-Slide.

"Oscillate Wildly": Sit. Spin. Repeat.

"Meat Is Murder": Lesbian sex.

"Our Frank": Role-playing in which each partner repeats his or her nastiest, filthiest, most vile wish as if following the orders of an invisible third-party named "Frank". Examples: "Our Frank wishes us to have sex on this balcony in the daytime", "Our Frank says to execute an Oscillate Wildly mixed with a half-Jack The Ripper", "Our Frank wants you to pee on me", etc.

"Bigmouth Strikes Again": Forcing excessive oral stimulation on a partner who has already experienced one or several successive orgasms.

"Sorrow Will Come In The End": Sodomy to Klaus Nomi.

"The Headmaster Ritual": Having sex with your partner, publicly accusing him or her of rape, spreading false rumors in the local press, appearing on local/national talk shows to explain how awful it felt to be victimized by a person in a position of power, going to trial, blowing up on the witness stand admitting that the whole thing was made up, announcing a reconcilation, and coming home to have uninhibited sex (with a book and/or movie deal secured). Advanced students only.

"The Smiths": Getting f***ed by a drummer.

 

[Wichita Lineman]

"The Headmaster Ritual": Having sex with your partner, publicly accusing him or her of rape, spreading false rumors in the local press, appearing on local/national talk shows to explain how awful it felt to be victimized by a person in a position of power, going to trial, blowing up on the witness stand admitting that the whole thing was made up, announcing a reconcilation, and coming home to have uninhibited sex (with a book and/or movie deal secured). Advanced students only.

Superb.

 

[PregnantForTheLastTime]

"Miserable Lie"-- my marriage.

"I Know It's Over"-- as above.

 

[Worm]

"I Know It's Over"-- as above.

Psssssht. Stop. You're killing me.

Who the hell decides what "premature" is, anyway? I'd call it more like "differing timetables of pleasure deployment". Why apologize when your train arrives in the station exactly when it should?

 

[CougarFrog]

"First of the gang to die" - large orgy that keeps going till someone dies
"break up the family" - having sex with someone you know is married with kids and then telling their partner (taking pictures to prove the event is a must)
"Angel, Angel, Down We Go Together" - 69

 

[bored]

Who the hell decides what "premature" is, anyway? I'd call it more like "differing timetables of pleasure deployment". Why apologize when your train arrives in the station exactly when it should?

I think it depends on how many trains are going to show up. If there is just one very early train I think there are going to be some disappointed stations.

 

[bored]

The "Still I'll" - Having sex over and over in an attempt to get rid of herpes.

 

[CougarFrog]

"You Know I Couldn't Last"

 

[PregnantForTheLastTime]

"Nobody Loves Us" same as "Girl Least Likely To". So-low action.

"Tony the Pony"--Sex with an especially well-endowed man.

"Black-Eyed Susan" getting "thrown around" a bit, hopefully consensually.

"Reader Meet Author" literary starf***ing.

"I Don't Mind If You Forget Me" Craigslist hookups or similar.

"No One Can Hold a Candle To You" (yes, I know it's a cover) ever experimented with hot wax? And I don't mean as a depilatory. Or, sex with the hairiest person you've ever seen, who could well stand a good waxing.

"Subway Train" (another cover) Sex on the El/Metro/T/etc.

"Whatever Happens, I Love You" real sex?

 

[CougarFrog]

"Southpaw" - wanking with the wrong hand.
"You're The One For Me, Fatty" - Having sex with a larger person.

 

[yesitis]

sudedhead-oral while listening to a bad band

 

[mcrickson]

"The Smiths": Getting f***ed by a drummer.

 

[Worm]

"Mute Witness": Kidnapping somebody and making them watch you.

"I Started Something I Couldn't Finish": Tantric sex.

"Never Had No One Ever": Virginal fantasies (with "-Madonna" variant of being a transparent slut suffering from acute but unnamed emotional damage; the rare "-Tarantino" gambit, adding another layer of artifice, stipulates that the woman cry out as if the man is extremely well-endowed)

"Little Man, What Now?": Using slaps, punches, and karate chops to brutalize a flaccid penis into full or semi-functionality.

"I Can Have Both": Double penetration (female), auto-fellatio plus sodomy (male acrobats only).

"Glamorous Glue": Ornamental ejaculation.

"Paint A Vulgar Picture": Smearing feces over the loved one's body.

"Munich Air Disaster 1958": Mental narration of historical event for the purpose of delaying orgasm (male), reminding yourself that no matter how bad he his, things could always be worse (female).

"The Queen Is Dead": A formerly gay man having sex with a woman; for a more common variant, TQID can be a roleplaying exercise in which a straight man simulates a gay man who has successfully but only barely overcome his homosexuality-- still spicier, a straight man simulating a gay man who is simulating a straight man but has not successfully overcome his natural inclinations and must be punished and ridiculed (cross with "Little Man, What Now?"). "Rain that flattens my hair" ending optional.

 

[bored]

"I Don't Mind If You Forget Me" Craigslist hookups or similar.

Good one!

 

[SomeFormOfSusan]

Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before- blindfold partner and bring several other people into the room. During ensuing orgy, the blindfolded person has to guess who the other orgy-ers are by the sound of their orgasms.

William, It Was Really Nothing- have sex. All parties must be entirely sober and in their right minds. The next day, completely deny that it happened.

Break Up The Family- Have sex with three different siblings. Bonus points if it's all at the same time.

I'm the End of the Family Line- castration fetish yes, it's a real thing!

I Have Forgiven Jesus- priest kink.

There is a Light... - leave the lights on.

The Harsh Truth of the Camera Eye- take pictures.

Bigmouth Strikes Again- double oral.

 

[mcrickson]

"Little Man, What Now?": Using slaps, punches, and karate chops to brutalize a flaccid penis into full or semi-functionality.