BoyRacer
Back from the grave
PART II
If you are on the road and you happen see a delivery driver behind you, do your very best to get out of our way. We're working with a time limit, and your day trip isn't a concern to us unless it's impeding our ability to reach our objective in a timely manner. Meaning, if you're driving slow and I'm stuck behind you, move, because I've got places to be.
If it's raining or snowing and I'm delivering to you, please, for the love of God, tip. It's not mandatory, but I and others like me are out here getting absolutely soaked for your convenience. The least you can do is slip us a few bucks, ya know?
Most drivers do not carry loose change on them. Kiss the loose change goodbye; I mean, how much change do you really need anyway?
Yes, you have to give us your coupons. If we don't need to turn them in, we will most likely tell you to keep it and use it next time.
Yes, it is cold/hot/wet/snowy/frigid/sweaty/humid outside. Don't remind us, we're already miserable enough as it is.
Please, for the love of God...don't try to short me on your pizza. Please. If you don't give me five bucks of your price and I don't catch it, guess who has to pay that extra five bucks? ME!! And trust me, if you're caught at it, most places will throw the book at you. It sounds really stupid, but shorting a delivery person is theft, and you can go to jail for it. So instead of spending some time in jail for something stupid, just fork over the extra few bucks. It's bad enough that you're not tipping, don't steal from the delivery driver.
Another word to our Hispanic friends: Yes, I am female. No, you may not make lewd comments at me, or grab at me. Not only do I understand every f***ing word you're saying, I know how to fight, and I won't even think twice about breaking your arm while you're groping me. Yes, I mean you. You can be all male-dominated if you want when dealing with other Hispanic females; hell, some females of any descent are willing to be dominated over. But I am not.
Note: I am not slandering Hispanics, it's just that I've noticed a specific trend with the Hispanics in my area, and this is it.
I don't want to come into your house, and most drivers feel the same. If you want me to set the pizza down, fine, but I want to leave ASAP. I don't know you, I don't want to know you, and being in your house makes me uncomfortable.
When I'm taking your pizza out of the bag, you could help me. I mean, it's not a requirement, but if I'm struggling with fifty tons of pizza, it'd be nice if you'd jump in and help retrieve your own f***ing food. Because if I drop it, I'm just gonna look at you with an accusatory glare.
If you live in a gated community, either meet me out front, unlock the gate, or give me a passcode. Most drivers can't afford a cell phone.
If you want something special, like parmesan cheese, crushed red peppers, or extra marinara sauce, let the people at the store know. Drivers don't normally carry that shit on them, and the person taking your order can make a special note saying you want them.
If you plan on drinking that night, order your pizza ahead of time. I mean, most drivers like the drunk ones, they tip pretty good because they can't count, but there's also the added distaste of having to deal with someone who smells like a winery.
Oh Jesus. I didn't think I would have to put this here, but please don't mug the drivers. We don't carry that much money on us, it's company policy. It's not worth it, and it causes us a ton of hassle.
If you tip well, your address gets circulated throughout the store. In some stores there's even a spot in the computer where the driver can put how much a place tipped them to rate the customer. If you tip well, your pizza will get there fast, guarenteed.
If the driver gives you bad service, by all means, don't tip them. But by this I mean the driver--not the phone person or the cook. If your pizza is late or messed up, it's rarely the driver's fault and that's not a decent reason to tip them. If the driver is a jerk to you, tell them to f*** off. It's what I'd do.
If you don't have house numbers, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you. Put some good, reflective goddamn house numbers up. What happens if you have to call an effing ambulance? Let alone the fact that your pizza will be late.
Most drivers can't accept $50 or $100 bills for small orders. The store won't let us carry more than change for a $20. Deal with it, and get some change. I'm not a bank, you know.
Don't let your kids pay the driver. If you put an extra five in there for the driver, your perfect little angel is going to pocket it, guarenteed. I did when I was that age.
If you're a stoner, fine, dandy, whatever. I'm not going to get stoned, especially not on the clock, so smoking me out isn't a good tip. Even for drivers who do get stoned, this isn't satisfactory, because their performance and ability to drive are affected, and you could cause a f***ing accident. Grow up.
Everything I've typed up here applies to all other delivery services; Chinese food, Italian food, and Thai food drivers all feel the same way, trust me.
If I know you in real life, and I deliver to you, feel free to not tip me. This is one thing I know: friends are exempt from my tipping rule, but I will think that much more of them if they do tip me.
Always remember, when dealing with pizza delivery: someone has to do it. I don't see you out there, sweating your ass off near a 500 degree oven, driving around to remote locations you didn't even know existed, and dealing with total assholes. So cut the condescending attitudes, and maybe practice a little empathy. It's what makes us human.
If you are on the road and you happen see a delivery driver behind you, do your very best to get out of our way. We're working with a time limit, and your day trip isn't a concern to us unless it's impeding our ability to reach our objective in a timely manner. Meaning, if you're driving slow and I'm stuck behind you, move, because I've got places to be.
If it's raining or snowing and I'm delivering to you, please, for the love of God, tip. It's not mandatory, but I and others like me are out here getting absolutely soaked for your convenience. The least you can do is slip us a few bucks, ya know?
Most drivers do not carry loose change on them. Kiss the loose change goodbye; I mean, how much change do you really need anyway?
Yes, you have to give us your coupons. If we don't need to turn them in, we will most likely tell you to keep it and use it next time.
Yes, it is cold/hot/wet/snowy/frigid/sweaty/humid outside. Don't remind us, we're already miserable enough as it is.
Please, for the love of God...don't try to short me on your pizza. Please. If you don't give me five bucks of your price and I don't catch it, guess who has to pay that extra five bucks? ME!! And trust me, if you're caught at it, most places will throw the book at you. It sounds really stupid, but shorting a delivery person is theft, and you can go to jail for it. So instead of spending some time in jail for something stupid, just fork over the extra few bucks. It's bad enough that you're not tipping, don't steal from the delivery driver.
Another word to our Hispanic friends: Yes, I am female. No, you may not make lewd comments at me, or grab at me. Not only do I understand every f***ing word you're saying, I know how to fight, and I won't even think twice about breaking your arm while you're groping me. Yes, I mean you. You can be all male-dominated if you want when dealing with other Hispanic females; hell, some females of any descent are willing to be dominated over. But I am not.
Note: I am not slandering Hispanics, it's just that I've noticed a specific trend with the Hispanics in my area, and this is it.
I don't want to come into your house, and most drivers feel the same. If you want me to set the pizza down, fine, but I want to leave ASAP. I don't know you, I don't want to know you, and being in your house makes me uncomfortable.
When I'm taking your pizza out of the bag, you could help me. I mean, it's not a requirement, but if I'm struggling with fifty tons of pizza, it'd be nice if you'd jump in and help retrieve your own f***ing food. Because if I drop it, I'm just gonna look at you with an accusatory glare.
If you live in a gated community, either meet me out front, unlock the gate, or give me a passcode. Most drivers can't afford a cell phone.
If you want something special, like parmesan cheese, crushed red peppers, or extra marinara sauce, let the people at the store know. Drivers don't normally carry that shit on them, and the person taking your order can make a special note saying you want them.
If you plan on drinking that night, order your pizza ahead of time. I mean, most drivers like the drunk ones, they tip pretty good because they can't count, but there's also the added distaste of having to deal with someone who smells like a winery.
Oh Jesus. I didn't think I would have to put this here, but please don't mug the drivers. We don't carry that much money on us, it's company policy. It's not worth it, and it causes us a ton of hassle.
If you tip well, your address gets circulated throughout the store. In some stores there's even a spot in the computer where the driver can put how much a place tipped them to rate the customer. If you tip well, your pizza will get there fast, guarenteed.
If the driver gives you bad service, by all means, don't tip them. But by this I mean the driver--not the phone person or the cook. If your pizza is late or messed up, it's rarely the driver's fault and that's not a decent reason to tip them. If the driver is a jerk to you, tell them to f*** off. It's what I'd do.
If you don't have house numbers, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you. Put some good, reflective goddamn house numbers up. What happens if you have to call an effing ambulance? Let alone the fact that your pizza will be late.
Most drivers can't accept $50 or $100 bills for small orders. The store won't let us carry more than change for a $20. Deal with it, and get some change. I'm not a bank, you know.
Don't let your kids pay the driver. If you put an extra five in there for the driver, your perfect little angel is going to pocket it, guarenteed. I did when I was that age.
If you're a stoner, fine, dandy, whatever. I'm not going to get stoned, especially not on the clock, so smoking me out isn't a good tip. Even for drivers who do get stoned, this isn't satisfactory, because their performance and ability to drive are affected, and you could cause a f***ing accident. Grow up.
Everything I've typed up here applies to all other delivery services; Chinese food, Italian food, and Thai food drivers all feel the same way, trust me.
If I know you in real life, and I deliver to you, feel free to not tip me. This is one thing I know: friends are exempt from my tipping rule, but I will think that much more of them if they do tip me.
Always remember, when dealing with pizza delivery: someone has to do it. I don't see you out there, sweating your ass off near a 500 degree oven, driving around to remote locations you didn't even know existed, and dealing with total assholes. So cut the condescending attitudes, and maybe practice a little empathy. It's what makes us human.