suicide scare

neonmad

一日三秋 (yírìsānqiū)
First of all, HE IS OK...
I was hesitant to post this as I don't want to betray/exploit my brother or anything, but it's… a very big deal and is going to be on my mind forevermore.
I arrived home from work last night to news that the hospital had called my mother because my brother hanged himself the night before!
I have to admit I was dumbfounded.
I thought if any of us were going to do that, it would have been our dad or me as we've both considered it. But in my own haze of depression I never saw red flags surrounding my brother.
He's been isolated, stressed, fatigued, ill, bored, dissatisfied, even unhappy...but I don't think it even crossed my mind that he might be unhappy enough to lose all hope and kill himself. I thought he could never fall prey to the same degree of weakness I have battled.
(As I write this, a Ken Burns documentary about Samuel Clemens has just recounted his suicide attempt.) It makes me sick to think of him all alone deciding that was the best option. He lost consciousness, but then came to and got scared whereupon a roommate had arrived and called an ambulance for him.
My mom was anxious when he didn't call last Sunday, but we know he has a demanding schedule and sometimes is too tired to call or doesn't have anything to say; she was more nervous when he didn't call this Sunday. But we did not call him. My dad had been calling, but always got his voicemail. I can't even recall the last thing he had said to us 2 weeks ago.
Him being (my little brother) in the military, I've cried imagining him dying or being severely injured, but I never thought it would be his choice.
Mom’s flown out to be with him – she should be arriving very soon now – but probably won’t be able to see him until tomorrow evening since visiting hours are 5-8 p.m. How do I know this? Because my brother actually called here today, sounding quite normal, and was surprised to learn that she is making the trek! He made it sound like the whole matter had been blown out of proportion! But that’s how he is, I guess - we try to keep things to ourselves so as not to freak others out or drive them away, and then that’s exactly what happens. He said it was a “long story” and didn’t have much time to talk, so I can only speculate for now…

I just wanted to get this out there because it’s a life-changing thing for us and it really illustrates that you can’t assume that you know what’s truly going on with someone. I like to think that I know him extremely well because we grew up together and are more closely related to each other than we are to anyone else. I didn’t realize how dangerously similar we are.
My second-ever memory is of the day he was born, wanting to hold him in the hospital. Now I just want to do that again.

Ironically, our dad’s most recent wife had just now sent out the pictures from one of his military school graduation ceremonies early last year. It is chilling to think that they could have been the final pictures we had of him.

I was already feeling guilty because I recently booked an international trip that I hadn’t even told him about yet. I knew he probably wouldn’t be able to come along. I still haven’t told him. Mom has been wanting us to go see him, but I instead insisted we should take advantage of this since it’s a rare bargain and we can go over to see him some other time! Ugh! I still haven’t told my dad because I really didn’t know what to say, but he told me to go ahead and say whatever I want. So I will, because he needs to know what’s going on with his son after all. Won't be nice for him to realize it happened on Father's Day...
I hate to think he will never be ok, that this will always be hanging over him. But maybe it will be ok enough. It has to be.
 
I don't think you or anyone in your family should feel guilty over this. You guys had no idea, like you say. These things happen all the time, and it's often a surprise to the people around the person who attempts this...

Thankfully it didn't go past a big scare for y'all. I got no experience with any of this, but can imagine your brother will feel ashamed for a while after this, so you guys shouldn't make him feel bad or anything, and if he doesn't want to talk about it now, give him time and just let him know you all are there always willing to listen... =)
 

snowfallsoon

motherf***er approved
Agree with Equal Opportunity Hater...give him time & let him
know that you're there for him.

Don't feel bad that you didn't 'know', people who
are suicidal often keep it to themselves.

Had your brother been in Iraq? Is he in the States now?
I'm really sorry to hear about your brother, I hope he will
be OK, as well as you and your family...
 
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Scarlet Ibis

The Chicken of D.C.
This is very upsetting and I'm sorry to hear it. My family is plagued by clinical depression as well. I'm actually allergic to most anti-depressants too, so it's really difficult for me at times. I know some of his pain and it's absolutely horrendous. I hope everyone's trying to assuage some of the embarrassment he might be feeling right now. Tell him you love him over and over to the point where you feel silly about it.

Good luck.
 

neonmad

一日三秋 (yírìsānqiū)
Like I said, I of all people should recognize (and anticipate) the signs, but...
Yes, unfortunately he's strong enough to have appeared to be coping and strong enough to go through with doing something drastic - a recipe for disaster.

But now we know, so we'll have to keep a close eye on him somehow.

When he called I said something to the effect of, "duuude.... what the hell?" and he said, "I know....it's a long story...". I too understand how embarrassed and confused he must be, so I didn't push him. I told him I'm glad he's ok. He'll tell us the story soon enough.

He tumbled into his job via a series of unforeseen events, talent, hard work and rolling with the punches. He's been basically all alone in the northeastern U.S. working 12 hours on, 12 hours off (doing strange work) and barely getting to eat. That's about all I can say. We had just sent him his first care package since being stationed there for...over a year, that's for sure. Poor guy.

My family has depression and others issues, so it's been a real strain for many of us to get work and keep it, let alone try and have a social life or any kind of fulfillment.
Good grief, just trying to choose a pair of socks in the morning after a couple days of sleep deprivation is enough to drive an average person to tears I think, and he has not had any support.

We'll try much harder to give him some. :o

Thanks for being here and letting me vent.
 

neonmad

一日三秋 (yírìsānqiū)
This is very upsetting and I'm sorry to hear it. My family is plagued by clinical depression as well. I'm actually allergic to most anti-depressants too, so it's really difficult for me at times. I know some of his pain and it's absolutely horrendous. I hope everyone's trying to assuage some of the embarrassment he might be feeling right now. Tell him you love him over and over to the point where you feel silly about it.

Good luck.

I like the "silly" bit.;) Very true.
If it's any consolation, antidepressants never helped me anyway, so I don't think you're missing anything. I went off everything eventually so am in the same boat as you I guess. He told the nurse he had taken Zoloft in high school but didn't like the way it made him feel; I have no recollection of him having taken it and neither does our mother. :confused: I think we were all too busy fussing over me.
I suspect they've probably put him on something now, though, as a stop-gap if nothing else.
Maybe this has been a jump-start for him.:cool:
I think I'm the only one he's spoken with so far, and he hasn't seen anyone yet, so I don't think he's feeling intruded upon anyway. It's a fine line, isn't it.
Thanks for the support.
 
Y

yesitis

Guest
sorry b out that. i've had some experienc ewith the same stuff. hope yoru bro ids ok.
 

Cassius

New Member
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I have experience in this; PM me if you ever want to talk.
 

neonmad

一日三秋 (yírìsānqiū)
I have more info now, such as:
he's been thinking about doing it for a long time;:sick:
it's not his job (he says he likes it); he has friends around (he had several visitors yesterday)... He's always been depressed enough, apparently - in other words, his reasons are about the same as mine.:( He's felt gulity and unworthy of everything.
On the plus side, the relief of not having to keep the secret anymore has made him almost giddy.:squiffy:
My mom made a remark about Golden Gate Bridge jumpers immediately regretting their decision but usually not being able to change it - and that maybe this experience had/will have that effect on him...I said his attempt may not have been dramatic enough to induce that kind of mindshift, but it's possible she's right. He's on Prozac now, but what he really needs is to know what his priorities are and not forget them (and of course hopefully find peace and fulfillment ultimately). She told him if he tries it again, he may as well kill us first. Ha, that's a big reason I am still here: being mindful of the repercussions. He must know we love him by now, so I hope he keeps fighting. All the arguments I ever rejected I am now using on him.:rolleyes:

Thank you for helping me cope with this.:flowers:
 
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