M
me
Guest
Big Brother!
Day 1 - Morrissey admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Sandie Shaw. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Cilla Black is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Robert Smith later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Michael Stipe creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Siouxsie Sioux hits him with a whisk.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Blackpool Tower out of spaghetti hoops. After much persuasion by Michael Stipe, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the Blackpool Tower task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Robert Smith, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the spaghetti hoops. Siouxsie Sioux is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the Blackpool Tower task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Robert Smith farts and blows Blackpool Tower over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Sandie Shaw cries.
6 - Michael Stipe gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Sandie Shaw admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a whisk. Morrissey says he never wears condoms because they make his knob sore and Michael Stipe agrees. Cilla Black goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Robert Smith sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Michael Stipe.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Morrissey goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Siouxsie Sioux and Sandie Shaw are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Morrissey.
9 - Siouxsie Sioux and Sandie Shaw are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Cilla Black sings them a song - Hand in Glove - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Sandie Shaw out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Sandie Shaw leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Sandie Shaw's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Cilla Black has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Siouxsie Sioux is visibly depressed and is comforted by Michael Stipe, who tries to touch her on her fanny.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Michael Stipe touching Siouxsie Sioux's fanny over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Robert Smith refuses to run because his knob hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Robert Smith finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Siouxsie Sioux calls Robert Smith a lazy knob.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Morrissey tells everyone individually that he thinks Siouxsie Sioux is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Siouxsie Sioux and Michael Stipe are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Morrissey.
16 - The nominations are announced. Siouxsie Sioux can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Michael Stipe is equally stunned and turns to Siouxsie Sioux for comfort. Robert Smith is distraught and confesses to Cilla Black that he thinks he is in love with Michael Stipe. Cilla Black says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Michael Stipe out of the house. Siouxsie Sioux says she is gutted and even gives Michael Stipe a clipping of hair from her fanny to prove how much she cares. Robert Smith is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Michael Stipe leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Siouxsie Sioux clipping the hair from her fanny. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Outer Mongolia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Outer Mongolia sounds like but Robert Smith says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Morrissey as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Morrissey successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Outer Mongolia but also God Save The Queen, Hand in Glove and the theme tune to Eastenders. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Morrissey tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Robert Smith and Cilla Black are nominated.
23 - Robert Smith and Cilla Black take their nominations well and sit down with Morrissey and Siouxsie Sioux to discuss why they voted for them. Morrissey keeps quiet but Siouxsie Sioux accuses Robert Smith of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred knob before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Cilla Black out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Cilla Black leaves.
25 - Morrissey becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Morrissey's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of elephant dung using only a whisk. Morrissey is unsure but Robert Smith is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Robert Smith breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the elephant incident from his childhood. Siouxsie Sioux tries to persuade him to stay but Morrissey sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Robert Smith decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Siouxsie Sioux from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Morrissey asks Siouxsie Sioux to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Morrissey nominates Siouxsie Sioux to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Siouxsie Sioux.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Siouxsie Sioux graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Morrissey is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Morrissey takes his £70,000 and runs away to Outer Mongolia. Nobody, including Siouxsie Sioux, ever sees him again.
The Site With No Name
Jokes, competitions and silly Shockwave games
www.dc8p.com
more funny jokes and stuff
Day 1 - Morrissey admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Sandie Shaw. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Cilla Black is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Robert Smith later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Michael Stipe creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Siouxsie Sioux hits him with a whisk.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Blackpool Tower out of spaghetti hoops. After much persuasion by Michael Stipe, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the Blackpool Tower task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Robert Smith, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the spaghetti hoops. Siouxsie Sioux is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the Blackpool Tower task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Robert Smith farts and blows Blackpool Tower over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Sandie Shaw cries.
6 - Michael Stipe gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Sandie Shaw admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a whisk. Morrissey says he never wears condoms because they make his knob sore and Michael Stipe agrees. Cilla Black goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Robert Smith sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Michael Stipe.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Morrissey goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Siouxsie Sioux and Sandie Shaw are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Morrissey.
9 - Siouxsie Sioux and Sandie Shaw are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Cilla Black sings them a song - Hand in Glove - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Sandie Shaw out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Sandie Shaw leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Sandie Shaw's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Cilla Black has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Siouxsie Sioux is visibly depressed and is comforted by Michael Stipe, who tries to touch her on her fanny.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Michael Stipe touching Siouxsie Sioux's fanny over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Robert Smith refuses to run because his knob hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Robert Smith finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Siouxsie Sioux calls Robert Smith a lazy knob.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Morrissey tells everyone individually that he thinks Siouxsie Sioux is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Siouxsie Sioux and Michael Stipe are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Morrissey.
16 - The nominations are announced. Siouxsie Sioux can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Michael Stipe is equally stunned and turns to Siouxsie Sioux for comfort. Robert Smith is distraught and confesses to Cilla Black that he thinks he is in love with Michael Stipe. Cilla Black says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Michael Stipe out of the house. Siouxsie Sioux says she is gutted and even gives Michael Stipe a clipping of hair from her fanny to prove how much she cares. Robert Smith is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Michael Stipe leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Siouxsie Sioux clipping the hair from her fanny. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Outer Mongolia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Outer Mongolia sounds like but Robert Smith says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Morrissey as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Morrissey successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Outer Mongolia but also God Save The Queen, Hand in Glove and the theme tune to Eastenders. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Morrissey tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Robert Smith and Cilla Black are nominated.
23 - Robert Smith and Cilla Black take their nominations well and sit down with Morrissey and Siouxsie Sioux to discuss why they voted for them. Morrissey keeps quiet but Siouxsie Sioux accuses Robert Smith of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred knob before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Cilla Black out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Cilla Black leaves.
25 - Morrissey becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Morrissey's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of elephant dung using only a whisk. Morrissey is unsure but Robert Smith is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Robert Smith breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the elephant incident from his childhood. Siouxsie Sioux tries to persuade him to stay but Morrissey sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Robert Smith decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Siouxsie Sioux from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Morrissey asks Siouxsie Sioux to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Morrissey nominates Siouxsie Sioux to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Siouxsie Sioux.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Siouxsie Sioux graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Morrissey is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Morrissey takes his £70,000 and runs away to Outer Mongolia. Nobody, including Siouxsie Sioux, ever sees him again.
The Site With No Name
Jokes, competitions and silly Shockwave games
www.dc8p.com
more funny jokes and stuff
