here's the text from the book...
From Marilyn Manson's "The Long Hard Road Out Of Hell"....
"My philosophy about sexuality is that I don't have a problem with anything anyones does in any way. All I ask is that you know the rules. I've sucked the dicks of several men, which a lot of straight guys won't admit to having done or wanting to do. But just like kissing a girl can't get her pregnant, sucking a guy's dick doesn't make you gay (unless you break rule #3). It's not that I'm against being gay - I just want to clarify what makes you gay. Please note that this list only pertains to guys: All women are by nature lesbians. So let's get things straight (no pun intended) - if you meet any of the qualifications below, you are gay:
1. if you get someone else's cum on you
2. if you've ever owned a smiths album
3. if you get hard while sucking another guy's dick. if you don't, you're straight - unless he gets sperm on you
4. if michael stipe is in the room with you and you're having sex with a woman, you're bisexual
5. if you're at a gay bar, you're not gay. But if you're at a straight bar and you talk to another guy longer than you talk to a girl, you're gay
6. if you tap your feet to a smiths song
7. if you discuss art for more than 45 minutes
8. if you've ever worn a beret
9. if you kiss a guy and he has a hard-on, you're not gay unless you have a hard-on too
10. if you have any kind of sex - with a male or a female - to the smiths, you're gay
11. if your only purpose in life is to get girls pregnant so they can have more girls to have lesbian sex together
12. if you jack off and you get cum on yourself
13. if you get a boner watching Gilligan's Island
14. if you don't get a boner watching Bewitched
15. if there's a smith's song on in a bar and you're in the bathroom with your dick in your hand
16. if your name is Richard and you go by Dick
17. If you're friends with anyone named Dick
18. if you don't cheat on your wife, you're only using her as a prop to making people think you're not gay.
19. if you're friends with a model
20. if you phuck a girl who likes the smiths
21. if you don't eat meat because the smith's album Meat is Murder had an impact in your life
22. if you do anything spiritual
23. if you @#!!! a pregnant woman and she's carrying a boy, you're gay. If you get sperm on the amniotic sac, the baby will grow up to be gay too
24. if you've ever had a haircut like Morrissey
25. if you've ever gotten a haircut while a Morrissey or Smith's album was playing in the room
26. if you've ever talked about or owned a crystal
27. if you've ever put band-aids on your nipples as a fashion statement
28. if you've ever spent more than a week on south beach
29. if you're not thinking about tits right now
30. if you still liked Judas Priest after you heard the rumor that Rob Halford was gay
31. if you get a hard-on while taking a sh.it
32. if you know what sperm tastes like (especially if it's your own)
33. if you kiss a girl with tongue after she's swallowed your cum
34. if you get hard while reading this
35. if you know the names of anyone who's ever been in The Smith's besides Morrissey and Johnny Marr
36. if you're a male model
37. if you get choked up listening to "Boy's Don't Cry" by The Cure
38. if you're a clothing designer
39. if your first, last, middle or only name is Morrissey
Rules I've broken: 1,2,12, 20, 26, 30, 33, 38. "
