The Lord Jesus Christ Smites Mike Joyce, Gives Morrissey A Record Contract

[Some Totally Random Moz Fan]

LONDON, ENGLAND- In an answer to the many prayers that the angry denizens of "Morrissey-Solo.Com" have gotten down and kneeled for, The Holy Spirit* officially smote former Smiths drummer Mike Joyce*, and furthermore rewarded former Smiths frontman Morrissey* with a record deal with Sanctuary Records.

"That wanker MIke Joyce had it coming. After hearing Morrissey's angelic voice plead for revenge for that dreadful court case I decided it was only fair and just to put that dastardly drummer in his place: HELL!", Jesus said.

Reached at his home in suburban Hell, Satan* was overjoyed to hear of his former pupil's annoyance of The Lord Jesus Christ. "That's my boy. Me and Mike go waaaay back. How do you think he got all that drumming talent? He sure wasn't BORN with it! He'll be burning down here with me for eternity, anyway. We worked that all out in 1982- long before that fairy Jesus got involved. I don't want Morrissey's sorry-ass soul anyway- as I'm sure you've already heard." Belzebub said.

Neither Morrissey or Mike Joyce could be reached for comment.

* All persons in this post, wether real or spiritual, are actually fictional.

 

[suzanne]

laughing myself silly

and just a couple of weeks ago, you found it within your interest to write a several paragraph report on why i was the lowliest scum of the earth just because i embarassed you in front of Mike!

so do you think moz would sign me to his label?

 

[Some Totally Random Moz Fan]

Longtime Rivals Suzanne and Jay Finally Bury Hatchet, Plan January Wedding

... you didn't embarrass me in front of Mike Joyce

I really have no hard feelings towards you

That would be great if Moz or anyone else signed you

Glad you enjoyed the joke ;^)

Love, Peace and Harmony

 

[Shine a light on the Truth]

This can't be true because suzanne has class

 

[Feebee Tittus]

WHO IS THIS SUZANNE PERSON? AND WHAT KIND OF MELONS DOES SHE HAVE?

 

[Rali]

Jays cool, he was on the same show as Brian G

 

[suzanne]

organic

 

[Caleb Returns]

IF he was on Ally McBeal with Michael Easton he would be really cool

 

[Feebee Tittus]

ARE THEY RIPE? HOW MUCH PER POUND? HAVE THEY BEEN SPRAYED WITH INSECTICIDES?

 

[suzanne]

$2 for "what you grab, you keep"

 

[Feebee Tittus]

GOOD DEAL. BUT BEWARE! I LIKE TO SQUEEZE TO TEST FOR RIPENESS!