B
Big Brother
Guest
9.00am
The day starts off well as the contestants arrive in the Big Brother house, ready for 7 weeks of total solidarity with only each other for company.
9.01am
Mr Improper instantly declares himself leader of the group as he claims he is the pimp of the f***ing nation. The others dare not disagree as he is such an imposing, authorative figure.
12.45pm
Tensions starts around lunchtime when Mr Improper unpacks his case to reveal it is filled with yoshinoya, soup of the champions. However, Big Brother intervenes and takes them away with a disqualification warning. He is made to eat a salmon bowl as punishment.
12.50pm
The rest of the group are forced to open their suitcases to ensure no illegal items have been brought into the house. Grim O'Grady is nearly disqualified when his case is found to contain Greg's pies, pasties and several tins of Fray Bentos.
The whole group are very interested to see the selection of thongs which Let's go Devils has decided to bring with her. Belligerent Ghoul decides to take a cold shower and is the first housemate to be seen having a wank.
1.00pm
Girl Unafraid takes it upon herself to be the maternal figure and starts busying herself in the kitchen (barefoot). She makes the group a healthy vegetarian pasta-bake, adding a bit of mince and fag ash for flavour.
1.45pm
MBB321 climbs over the roof and escapes after he realises that he has left his red jacket at home.
2.00pm
Big Brother sets the task of the day. The group must design and manufacture their own mousemats. Moby is the first to break down in tears when his feeble attempt comes last.
2.45pm
The group decide to open a bottle of wine.
3.15pm
6 bottles of wine later and tensions are really starting to mount. Strains of "i couldn't give a f***ety f*** f***" and "i AM the pimp of the f***in nation" are heard for miles around as Mr Improper and Let's Go Devils frolic around the swimming pool, both wearing thongs (and doing it with style).
Once the swimming pool is free, Grim and GU strip off and practice their nose balancing tricks with balls and are handsomely rewarded by Moby who throws them some fish every now and again.
Belligerent Ghoul is too shy to be seen in a bathing suit, but has another wank in the diary room instead.
5.00pm
Girl Unafraid is too drunk to cook again, Let's Go Devils takes over in the kitchen and makes a lovely curry. Unfortunately it gives her a ring stinger and she is unable to wear thongs for the rest of the day.
Everybody decides it's time to go to bed.
The day starts off well as the contestants arrive in the Big Brother house, ready for 7 weeks of total solidarity with only each other for company.
9.01am
Mr Improper instantly declares himself leader of the group as he claims he is the pimp of the f***ing nation. The others dare not disagree as he is such an imposing, authorative figure.
12.45pm
Tensions starts around lunchtime when Mr Improper unpacks his case to reveal it is filled with yoshinoya, soup of the champions. However, Big Brother intervenes and takes them away with a disqualification warning. He is made to eat a salmon bowl as punishment.
12.50pm
The rest of the group are forced to open their suitcases to ensure no illegal items have been brought into the house. Grim O'Grady is nearly disqualified when his case is found to contain Greg's pies, pasties and several tins of Fray Bentos.
The whole group are very interested to see the selection of thongs which Let's go Devils has decided to bring with her. Belligerent Ghoul decides to take a cold shower and is the first housemate to be seen having a wank.
1.00pm
Girl Unafraid takes it upon herself to be the maternal figure and starts busying herself in the kitchen (barefoot). She makes the group a healthy vegetarian pasta-bake, adding a bit of mince and fag ash for flavour.
1.45pm
MBB321 climbs over the roof and escapes after he realises that he has left his red jacket at home.
2.00pm
Big Brother sets the task of the day. The group must design and manufacture their own mousemats. Moby is the first to break down in tears when his feeble attempt comes last.
2.45pm
The group decide to open a bottle of wine.
3.15pm
6 bottles of wine later and tensions are really starting to mount. Strains of "i couldn't give a f***ety f*** f***" and "i AM the pimp of the f***in nation" are heard for miles around as Mr Improper and Let's Go Devils frolic around the swimming pool, both wearing thongs (and doing it with style).
Once the swimming pool is free, Grim and GU strip off and practice their nose balancing tricks with balls and are handsomely rewarded by Moby who throws them some fish every now and again.
Belligerent Ghoul is too shy to be seen in a bathing suit, but has another wank in the diary room instead.
5.00pm
Girl Unafraid is too drunk to cook again, Let's Go Devils takes over in the kitchen and makes a lovely curry. Unfortunately it gives her a ring stinger and she is unable to wear thongs for the rest of the day.
Everybody decides it's time to go to bed.
