Symbolic Stuff Nobody Gives a Crap About

[CrystalGeezer]

Say 88.

You've been officially trolled by the Giza. We're now even for the lube on the album. Truce.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

I am the best teacher you could ever hope to f***.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

River Horse be like, LOL! (Most feared creature in Africa is the hippo. Stick w me.)

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Our new tenant is named Mando. He's a banker and she's an oral surgeon assistant. This year we'll be working on moons (money) and truth (tooth).

 

[CrystalGeezer]

My grandpa could give a shit if the freeze takes his fake poinsettias, but protects his orchids like they're his children wrapped in blankets and towels.

I have his nose.

And my grandmas's mouth.

And BOTH of their ADD. THey literally both talk at the same time while my grandpa changes the channel constantly. Grandma loves Lady Gaga and Grandpa loves Taylor Swift, thinks she's got a head on her shoulders, "and those red lips...Gawd." Grandma thinks Jimmy Kimmel is the best thing to happen to late night television since Carson.

THe Barnett's have been stalking the San Gabby Valley since before the Rose Parade. We watch Bob & Stephanie on channel 5.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

1515 is ISIS.

It was soooooooo cold on Colorado, but very mellow. I love the diehards. I've been these girls many times. It's actually kinda fun after they close off the street around 11 and the parties in the swank restaurants start happening. THen around 3 it settles down again, all the drunk stumble home and the kids and families try to sleep to wait for the sun to rise and warm them back up. You have to be in front of a building or you're f***ed. THe people camping in the intersection for a front spot get blasted by the wind, not worth it. But being at the parade is so much more exhilerating than watching on TV, the marching bands vibrate your fillings, the horses clomp by inches from your feet, the B2 bomber of Isis's crown flies over to indicate it's starting, the flowers smell so beautiful. Everyone should try to attend one Rose Parade live and camp out overnight. It's better than Christmas. It's my favorite holiday, actually. Christmas is like hell to me.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

My grandpa wanted to show me where he hides his pies. He loves those little pie pockets from the grocery store. He stores them in a sealed shoebox so the ants don't get them and hides them up high so my grandma doesn't get them. They were on their fourth margaritas when I dropped the dogs off to visit the parade route. He loves Barney. He fed him and Crash baked potatos. He's 88 too, but literally. Hipsters would LOVE his wardrobe.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Okay, now down to business. Carls Jr is across the street.

Not only did I capture them as a phantom outhouse to take a shit it.

I got the public works dog to drill them.

Floats establish the work for the year. Floats are like Ghost Syllabus Goals for higher education. THere's a better metaphor but I got a hankering to relax instead of post this.

My Mr. Bones is more fun than yours.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

This is the Dole one, I think that's a waterfall that has to collapse to pass under the street lights.

There were no dragons from Azusa this year. THe dragons are the long ones that struggle around the famous Orange Grove / Colorado bend that is a fun problem for the float engineers to solve.

We always do the Royal Court float. Boring.

Another airplane this year. RIP Mala souls. It'll happen again, hopefully they get a break.

Miracle Gro had a Green Grocer theme, though I think they're tied to Monsanto so I have hesitation to endorse this one.

The Rose Bowl float went by. THe Ducks will win. There was an Ebola float, the Kaiser float, the Bachelor Float which is stupid because love does NOT start with the Bachelor, haven't all but one of them ended in divorce? That show should be cancelled. There were a couple others, the most stunning was the Dole float, it smelled like Plumeria for minutes after it passed. Sorry for the blurry footage, they were booking it. One of the tests is that they have to propel themselves for X amount of miles the night before or they get cut bc of the eventuality they would break down during the parade. One of these had a 45 minute delay trying to pass that test but eventually did, so they had to make up for lost time and towed ALL of them fast down the street, they were stressed.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Did you like my concert?

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Because I am a hopeless romantic, I saved one Downton Abbey Cracker for Morrissey in case he wanted to spend Christmas with me. But today I gotta take the tree down and get on with the new year so I opened it. A tiny deck of playing cards, a purple crown, and the name of Lord Grantham's dog were his prizes.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

My grandpa could give a shit if the freeze takes his fake poinsettias, but protects his orchids like they're his children wrapped in blankets and towels.

I have his nose.

And my grandmas's mouth.

And BOTH of their ADD. THey literally both talk at the same time while my grandpa changes the channel constantly. Grandma loves Lady Gaga and Grandpa loves Taylor Swift, thinks she's got a head on her shoulders, "and those red lips...Gawd." Grandma thinks Jimmy Kimmel is the best thing to happen to late night television since Carson.

THe Barnett's have been stalking the San Gabby Valley since before the Rose Parade. We watch Bob & Stephanie on channel 5.

Since learning that my Grandpa's mom was the daughter of an Algonquin Indian, I can't not see it in his eyes.

I'm in the red izod, Robbie is to my left in the maroon izod. Naomi, my great grandmother whose mother was Algonquin is behind me on my right. Tiny little lady, sooooooooo Christian and soft spoken. The nicest woman you could ever meet. My great grandfather Henry is behind Robbie in the blue cardigan, he was very soft spoken too, played the violin. They raised their family in Arcadia, he had a trucking company. I always thought my dad was kidding when he said his grandma was an Indian. He was not kidding.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

She always wondered why I dressed like a boy. "So I can play? You can't play in lace, gramma."

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Somewhere is this awesome pic of Great Grandma Naomi at my dad's house with Baxter our minpin on her lap and our cockatoo Casper trying to eat stuff out of her mouth and she looks overwhelmed but I can't find it. I found this cool one of my mom singing at the club though.

I attribute my tomboyishness to the fact there were ZERO girls to play with in my neighborhood in Lancaster. Only old people and their grandsons. (How my parents didn't take one look at this pic and deduce I needed glasses stumps me.) I'd make the rounds visiting Winnie in the blue tshirt who lived on one side of us, and Romaine in the yellow and white stripes who lived on the other. I went to their houses every single day. I went to all these old people's houses actually, I just wanted to talk to people and they'd show me their garages and stamp collections and kitchens. THat little boy in the blue shorts is the first person I played I'll show you mine if you show me yours. He went first and I never showed him mine, something I'm paying for TODAY. I used to make vending machines out of shoe boxes that dispensed cookies. All of these people used my vending machine and gave me nickels. I was fascinated with vending machines and door bells as a child. Also the reason my California Native parents have a different accent than I do is I learned to speak from these Pennsylvania people because my dad worked a lot and my mom was trying her best to keep it together because she's always on the verge of losing her mind, so at that seminal language development stage, these people taught me to speak and converse. I'm sure they don't approve of my F bombs.

My brother and I being aloof dicks no doubt at a family reunion.

This is the Robbie I know though, he plays cool lawyer in public but with me he's a nerd. We were designing a time machine.

All you need is me.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Here's that pic I was looking for! I was confusing these two pics with my sister and the animals of my teen years, Casper wasn't in the picture, he might be in another one, I recall her petting Casp. And it's Max, not Bax. Baxter got hit by a car and we went out and got a replacement minpin instead of grieving and named him Maxter.

Casper liked pizza. All cockatoos love pizza and cheese, actually.

Here's one of the first pics where my mom made me dress up like a drag queen. Okay I got shit to do no more photo fun tiems. kthxbye.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Just because all these pics of Casp and Max remind me of perhaps the BEST Olan Mills Studio Shot Ever. This was all my sister's idea. I didn't even iron my shirt.

Casper lives with a family who works for JPL in Pasadena because he kept biting my mom. Our current family cockatoo is Babes. She's 40 like me. All our birds are allowed out to roam when we're home. You have to watch them though, they destroy stuff for fun but they're more loyal than dogs. That's the grill of my first car, 1973 220D. I got T-boned by a taxi in that car, the first wreck where I was driving. His fault. Baby's going, "Shhhhh."

 

[CrystalGeezer]

I've only owned Appaloosas. Sunny:

And Boogie:

Sunny hated the world pretty much, almost killed us once. But Boogie and I had a bond.

Here's a weird one of my mom and I at my High School Graduation. She and I get along fine but it's like we're from different planets or something. I wore Mephistos and studied Linguistics and Shakespeare, she thought I should go to beauty school and become a hairdresser. Umm, no.

We eventually found a middleground though. I love her. SHe's very flawed, didn't have a chance of figuring it all out, she had no resources at her disposal. She was taught being a sex object is the symbolically relevant thing to do. I wish she'd stop smoking.

 

[realitybites]

I'm in the red izod, Robbie is to my left in the maroon izod. Naomi, my great grandmother whose mother was Algonquin is behind me on my right. Tiny little lady, sooooooooo Christian and soft spoken. The nicest woman you could ever meet. My great grandfather Henry is behind Robbie in the blue cardigan, he was very soft spoken too, played the violin. They raised their family in Arcadia, he had a trucking company. I always thought my dad was kidding when he said his grandma was an Indian. He was not kidding.

Those aren't Izods. They are Le Tigre polo shirts.

This is an Izod. Me at 13, on left.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

f***. Off.

You know what? I don't want to do this anymore. I feel like I've been through this show and tell bullshit twenty f***ing times, now RB is marketing herself on my FBE thread? Srsly?

 

[realitybites]

f***. Off.

You know what? I don't want to do this anymore. I feel like I've been through this show and tell bullshit twenty f***ing times, now RB is marketing herself on my FBE thread? Srsly?

This is not your private thread. It is public. Want a space all to yourself on Solo? That is what your blog is for. You do have one.