Mmmmmm-bop, mmmmmm-bop, shoobe-do-dooo. Heh. Cool. Pants.

People say giraffes have big necks so they can reach up and eat leaves. Crap. Why would an animal grow a big long neck just to eat leaves when all it had to do was shrink it's legs shorter and eat grass? Nope. I'll tell ya why girrafes have big necks, it's because they hate buffalo dung. They HATE it! Coz there's like heaps and heaps of all these buffaloes and "Gnus" out there at the the giraffe place. And that makes for a shitload of buffalo dung. Or a dungload. Whatever is more. I think dungload is the old imperial system of measuring animal crap volume. Probably.

Oh yeah and them same people always say that giraffes have got the longest necks, but they don't. Worms have got the longest necks. Like worms are just a big long neck with a head at one end and some toilet organs at the other side. That's how there's always so much dirt all around the place coz even though worms eat the dirt, it just goes in their mouth at the front side and then all the way down their big long neck body and straight out of their toilet organs. And like even although giraffes have got technically a much bigger neck in actual size type terms well then in proportion to their overall body well worms have got by far the biggest neck. So yeah, good on ya worms!

Oh yeah and the other cool thing about worms compared to girrafes is that you actually get worm farms. Who ever heard of a giraffe farm? NOT ME! I don't know what kinda other animals you would keep on your worm farm if you had one but I'm kinda positive that it wouldn't be any sorta giraffe probably. You could keep some cows I guess. And maybe mules. You could keep mules anywhere seeing as how cool they are. I don't suppose you would be able to keep any chickens there though. NO WAY! That's CRAZY talk! Chickens are a worms worst enemy. Like if you had ten worms on your worm farm and even if you only had one chicken there well then the chicken would just eat all of your stock. True! And it would eat them all at the same time too. It wouldn't just eat say two worms and think, "yeah I'll save the rest for later". Nope. Not chickens! Chickens are big greedy worm gobbling murderers. They would eat all the worms just in one go and that's all. And what would you be left with then? NOTHING! Well maybe an egg. Just one egg. Bah! Yeah. Ten worms gone. For one egg. Hmmm...hey that's probably not too bad. Well unless you're a little worm family, just all happily munching on some dirt one day. Worms are kinda crap at fighting back too. Like they don't have any beaks or spikes or anything. They don't even have any little arms or stingers or eyes. They've just got a big neck. A big neck and some toilet organs. Jeepers worms, just evolve or something will ya!

Giraffes are also the dumbest animals too. I mean why go to all that evolutionary effort to grow big skinny polevault legs and a ridiculously disproportionate neck just so you can't smell gnu shit? Jeepers any half smart animal would just move to a different place without gnus or buffaloes there! But do you see any giraffes in Belgium? Nope. Well, yeah probably in the Belgium zoo and that's all. But I bet the Belgium zoo giraffes have got shorter necks than the other wild giraffes though. Yeah I bet. Yep. Definitely. Well it depends. Like if the Belgium zoo keepers were dumb enough to put the buffalo compound next to the girrafe one well they're necks are probably roughly the same size. Maybe. I dunno. I've never been to Belgium zoo. Well I've never been to Belgium. Actually they probably did put them next to each other. Belgiums aren't too bright when it comes to doing stuff with giraffes. Or penguins. Or columns of Nazi Panzers.

Anyone still into Hanson? PANTASTIC!

Ummm...I'm all misery riddled and glumified. Angst and woe. I have succumbed to dreadful dreariness of life and sadistic emotional pain ripping and clawing at the very fabric of my tortured soul. Wail, wail, moan etc.

Yeah right, AS IF! Life totally RULES dudes! Damn straight!

You wanna know what? Self pity sucks a fat nut. BUT, you can write all sortsa cool and deep sounding stuff about it and call it poems. SO! I know I've done this sorta stuff before but I can't resist, you know? Ok well then ummmm....here's like another cool as eels poem about depressingness and all. PANTASTIC!

It's called:

'Putting that bubble wrap stuff around your head and stumbling blindly into the lamposts of despair.' by ploppy pants

Oooow, oooow, damn!
Being me sucks.
I hate pudding.
What time are the space monkeys due?

The end. by ploppy pants.

Wooo-hooooooooooo!

Hey, they’ve got heaps of all weird vegetables and other plant products at the store. HEAPS! Aaaaand you’re allowed to pick them up and squeeze them and stuff as long as you put them back. And as long as this dude called Kenneth doesn’t see you and throw you out. If you see him well he’s got a red apron thing and a name badge on. The name badge says "Kenneth" on it, in writing. And he's got an ear ring. And a rash on his chin.

Dagnabbit Kenneth ya big fruit nazi, you’re NOT cool AND you suck big time donkey nads!

"You say potato, I say pants. You say tomato, I say pants." Rule.

Yaaaaaay!

Hey guess what? I came back again to write on my journal. Yeah. It RULES!

"So how's it hangin'?" Hah! That's what this dude said to me the other day. Not yesterday, nah it was a different day than that. Probably a different Thursday ages ago last week or something. Yeah so like when he said it I just sorta looked at him. And then I kept looking. Then I kinda just looked some more. I was doin a whole mess of lookin at this dude and then his nose went all crinkly and he says "WHAT?" And I said "That's what I was gonna say." Coz I WAS gonna say that. Except I didn't say it quick enough before he did.

My dog was there too. I think he was still looking at the dude for a while later on. Maybe. Or maybe he was just lookin at the dudes nutty crunch bar thing that he was eating. I dunno. It's hard to tell with dogs sometimes.

I was gonna tell you about giraffes today. But now I've written too much other stuff about nutty crunch bar dudes and their weird sayings. Dagnabbit.

Pantaloons.

Life. By ploppy pants

Life.
You are messing with my head.
But that's your prerogative.
Coz if I was dead,
I wouldn't have a head.
Or a Harry Potter hat.

The end by ploppy pants.

Oh how pitiful and downtrodden and woeful and miserable it is to be me coz it’s depressing and life sucks a fat nut and I just wanna die coz I’m all pathetic and demoralised and will someone just love me and gimme a hug and some of them little rock hard sweets with the stripes on. The ones that crack your teeth and give you cancer. And a cup cake. With that sprinkly stuff on top. Or just the sprinkly stuff would do even. I don’t want much. Bah.

Guess what? Yep. I was BULLSHITTING! Being me ROCKS THE CASBAH! Coz life is cool as a mule and I’ve got new inserts for my shoes! From Christmas. Good on ya Christmas, you are the most fantesticle day of the entire universe!

Have a pantaloony new year and ummmm….a spanktacular life! Or something.

Pants RULE!

Pant. Ammonium.

Overheard at a picnic, "How the hell in a handbasket should I know where my damn pants are dagnabbit!" Haze RULES!

If you puff out your cheeks to be real REAL puffed out to the max so it hurts your inside gums, then you can squeeze a couple more extra grapes in your mouth.

See ya'll at next years big jolly outdoor picnicking excursion journal community gang get together type outdoor finger food activity sorta gathering thing there with the nibblies and kissing booth stuff and all sortsa cool people too! They should have a "lost and found" at next years as well. Just in case. In case folks lose stuff. In case they lose their pants. So yeah. Ummm......grapes. Cool.

Yippeeeeeeeeeeee! Pants, pants, pants, pants. Onions.

Onions are kinda cool. Don't ask me why though! How the hell in a handbasket am I supposed to know about onions being cool or something? I dunno. Maybe it's coz they're crunchy. And you could put them on your hot dog. Maybe. Or like well probably it's because you can grow them on your farm. If you've got a farm. And a tractor. Yeah. Or even if you just had a tractor. And one of those deerstalker hats. With the flaps on there. Like Sherlock Holmes. I don't think Sherlock Holmes had a tractor though. But hey! I bet he had some onions! Damn straight! Onions. Cool as a mule.

Taran-TARA! Plop!

Maniac rebel eels on the highway to hell. by ploppy pants

Oh eel!
Oh eel!
Don't squeal,
Or make a big deal,
Should a seal make a meal,
of your head.

The end by ploppy pants.

Worms are cool too. They don't have feet. Or telescopic vision. They're just worms. And they rule. So do pants.

Wey-heeeeeeeeeeeey!

It's cool as a mule to be back on here at the journaling page place again. Yep. Coz it's just kinda like as if it was probably the most sorta cool type thing about when ermmmm...kinda when you're here it's like probably ummm...maybe this cool stuff anyway and then some other different thing about whatever...DAGNABBIT! Jumpin' pants Batman!

You wanna know what else is cool. Kung-fu! Hi-YA! Kung-fu rocks the Casbah! If you practice for a while there then they let people smash big wooden boards over your head until they break. Cool bananas! Yep. You just gotta stand there and let them do it or else you probably fail your exam about having some kinda big thick assed kung-fu skull. Yeah. Pretty spanky stuff and all.

Then they make you head butt these house bricks until you can smash them. Coz like the kung-fu dudes always have some old housebricks just layin around there. Just all kinda layin there in case some dude decides he maybe wanna try at head butting them to smitheroonies. With his head. Yeah. That's the same head that they were smashing those big wooden boards across just a couple of minutes ago before. Yep. Yeah that one. Why don't they just give those dudes some guns maybe? It's gotta be easier than keeping on smashing your head against stuff all day. Pants. On a rope.

There's this one dude and his name is Charlie Chan or something. He's in these kung-fu movies all the time. I forget the movies. Like I forget what name they were but it was the one there when they were singing "WAR! Yeah, what is it good for? Absolutely NOTHING!". Yeah that movie. I think it was called "War, what is it good for and some kung-fu stuff". Coulda been that. Yeah that's probably what it was called or something. And it had that dude on there. That other dude that was supposed to not be a kung-fu jedi sorta deal maybe. Except he wasn't. So that was true. He was just this dude. Oh yeah and he was in the cops too. That's right. He was this cop dude. He ate all the stuff this one time. Yeah. I dunno. What happened again?

"Aaaah young Spacehopper, see if you can snatch the pebble from my hand."

"Pantaloons to THAT Master, the Tao guides me to the memory of the time you asked me to pull your finger, ya big boggly eyes!"

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Predictably..pants. Rule.

You wanna know the absolute best most spanktacular thing about the sea? It makes boats work. Yep. So it makes people in boats not look stupid. Cool bananas.

Oh yeah, and there's some eels in there too.

But no mules. Dagnabbit. In the sea I mean. Not in the boats. No WAY! Mules would look pretty stupid being in boats without sea. So would eels. Or something.

No WAIT! There probably IS a mule in the sea somewhere. Yeah! Coz mules just sometimes maybe kinda go swimming probably. Like at the beach. So yeah, the sea ROCKS! Good on ya sea!

"Under the sea, under the sea, there'll be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans, under the sea......"

Plip,plop,plippy,ploppy pants.