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[[File:Headmasterritual1985.jpg | thumb | right | Cover art]]
[[File:Headmasterritual1985.jpg | thumb | right | Cover art (UK CD)]]
[[File:Headmasterritual.jpg | thumb | right | Alternate cover art]]
[[File:Headmasterritual.jpg | thumb | right | Dutch cover art]]
{{Discobox
{{Discobox
| Name = The Headmaster Ritual
| Name = The Headmaster Ritual
| Total Length = 4:52
| Total Length = 4:52
| Recorded =  
| Recorded = October 1984
| Writer = Morrissey/Marr
| Writer = Morrissey/Marr
| Producer =  
| Producer = [[The Smiths]]<br>[[Stephen Street]] (Recording Engineer)
| Mastered =  
| Mastered =  
| Art = Cover star: [[Viv Nicholson]] (UK CD)
| Art = Cover star: [[Viv Nicholson]] (UK CD)<br>Dutch cover: Robert Duncan from [[The Uncle]] (1965) designed by Morrissey
| Vinyl Etching =  
| Vinyl Etching = No matrix message
| Publisher = [[Megadisc]] (Netherlands)<br>[[Rough Trade Records]] (UK)<br>[[Sire Records]] (US)
| Publisher = [[Megadisc]] (Netherlands)<br>[[Rough Trade Records]] (UK)<br>[[Sire Records]] (US)
| Format =  7" Vinyl, 12" Vinyl, CD
| Format =  7" Vinyl, 12" Vinyl, CD
| Release =  
| Release = February 1985 (Album version)<br>Summer 1985 (Holland)<br>December 1988 (UK CD)<br>2009 (Reissue)
| Chart =
| Chart = Not applicable (UK release 1988)
| Type = Single
| Type = Single
| ArtistType = The Smiths
| ArtistType = The Smiths
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{{lyrics
{{lyrics
|
|
Belligerent ghouls run Manchester schools
Belligerent ghouls
Spineless swines, cemented minds
run Manchester schools
spineless swines
cemented minds
Sir leads the troops
Sir leads the troops
Jealous of youth
jealous of youth
Same old suit since 1962
same old suit since 1962
He does the military two-step down the nape of my neck
he does the military two-step
 
down the nape of my neck
I wanna go home
I wanna go home
I don't want to stay
I don't want to stay
Give up education as a bad mistake
give up education
 
as a bad mistake
Mid-week on the playing fields
mid-week on the playing fields
Sir thwacks you on the knees
Sir thwacks you on the knees
Knees you in the groin
knees you in the groin
Elbow in the face
elbow in the face
Bruises bigger than dinner plates
bruises bigger than dinner plates
 
I wanna go home  
I wanna go home  
I don't wanna stay
I don't wanna stay


Belligerent ghouls run Manchester schools
Belligerent ghouls
Spineless bastards all
run Manchester schools
spineless bastards all
Sir leads the troops
Sir leads the troops
Jealous of youth
jealous of youth
Same old joke since 1902
same old jokes since 1902
He does the military two-step down the nape of my neck
he does the military two-step
 
down the nape of my neck
I wanna go home
I wanna go home
I don't want to stay
I don't want to stay
Give up life as a bad mistake
give up life
 
as a bad mistake
Please excuse me from gym
please excuse me from gym
I've got this terrible cold coming on
I've got this terrible cold coming on
He grabs and devours
he grabs and devours
He kicks me in the showers
he kicks me in the showers
Kicks me in the showers
kicks me in the showers
And he grabs and devours
and he grabs and devours
 
I want to go home
I want to go home
I don't want to stay  
I don't want to stay  
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