Hmmm... One never knows, does one? As soon as it's written it's outdated; so, why should one bother? As Moz would say... oh hell, I don't know what he would say... But that's one of the innumerable reasons this shameless crashing non-bore loves him! My life succintly, perfectly, and completely in a Moz verse: "She said, 'Eh, I know you, and you cannot sing,' and I said, 'that's nothing, you should hear me play piano...'"
Monday January 10, 05
I have forgiven Freeyourself
I know that was a bad joke, lol. But I was thinking about the 'trolling' thing on the GDF. Is it ian/moby? Is it freeyourself? Does it matter?
Freeyourself, if anyone ever read his comments before, is actually a really smart guy. He really DID have some interesting/useful things to contribute to the boards. I hope he comes back in non-troll form, lol.
Which brings me to ian/moby/quentin/whothehellever. What he did to 'the real' freeyourself was despicable. Does anyone know if he can be banned? I'm sure it's been tried, I guess, I don't know. If I were freeyourself, I would be bitter too, I guess. But the guy has so many talents, I wish he wouldn't waste them 'trolling,' if he's the one doing it.
Well, amen, I guess that's it.
(And I guess some of my posts WERE kind of boring, lol -- but I didn't think they were that bad.)
My Morrissey Story
Okay, I know everyone has one, but I felt moved to write mine tonight, for some reason.
I guess with all the 'drama' and such going on here at Moz-solo that I wanted to get back to why we're all here: yes, that's right, that guy Morrissey. You know, he was the lead singer of the Smiths? (Ok, I'll stop with the lame humor... for now.) ;)
Morrissey has changed my life, and that is an unvarnished, unexaggerated fact. Everyone here reading this has been moved by him in some way -- otherwise, he or she wouldn't be here.
So, here goes...
My Morrissey Story starts in 1992. I was in my parents' home (I was 14 years old) and was in the kitchen, waiting for my then-favorite video to come on, "Joyride," by Roxette. (I know, I know...) Well, all of a sudden, for the first time in my young life, I heard... The Voice. I stopped what I was doing, fascinated, and walked into the living room. The "Tomorrow" video was on. It is not an understatement whatsoever to say that I was completely... transfixed. I stood there, transfixed, and watched what was going on. His voice, his way, his... everything, just spoke to me. The meaning behind the song... wow. Just the idea that there was someone out there who understood that things aren't as perfect, happy-go-lucky as most (if not all) pop songs seemed to pronounce. I was hooked; well, as hooked as a 14-year-old without much life experience can be.
Time went by. I had some of the albums, yes, but I moved on and did other things. I can't really explain what happened or why, but I guess it would suffice to say that I hadn't 'been through' enough yet to truly appreciate Morrissey. I'd see him from time-to-time on television, or hear or read mention of him somewhere, and get that warm, "Oh, it's Morrissey, I wonder what's happened to him?" feeling, but I didn't keep up.
Fast-forward to 2004. I was going through some rough times that summer when Quarry came out (weren't we all?), and was feeling very numb, if that makes any sense.
Through some crazy coincidences, I went out and bought Quarry. Wow. I can't explain what began to happen next. That album, from the moment I first heard it, was on 'heavy rotation' at my house, in my car -- hell, wherever I was. It was literally as though some unseen force was pushing me toward him and the music -- I felt compelled to spend every spare waking moment (and some not so spare) listening to him, contemplating what he was saying, reading things about him, and just generally 'soaking it all in.'
The best way I can explain it is this -- I felt as though, for the first time in years, that I was actually FEELING something. I felt as though I'd been awakened from a deep, life-long sleep. Morrissey was speaking to something in me. I felt as though, "Wow, there IS someone else on this planet who feels the way that I feel. I WASN'T dropped off here by alien life forms!" (It might seem as though I'm kidding, but I'm actually not.) Morrissey was, and still is, the first person I've come across in my existence whom I truly feel 'gets it.' Gets everything.
I had never been 'slavish' about any pop star in the past, not even close, but Morrissey was different. So different. I felt as though I had to go see him, go and give something back for all he'd given me. If I could just give him 1/1000th of the happiness and good feelings he'd given me, that would be something, really something, in and of itself, because he'd given me so much. He'd saved me, awoken me from that sleepwalk through life I'd been trapped in, not-so-blissfully unaware, my entire adult life.
I went to the Chicago House of Blues gig, and I tell you, it was absolutely the most emotionally-charged, freeing night of my entire life. Every emotion that you could go through, I went through that night. I've never experienced anything before or after it that could even come close to comparing to it.
I began to follow the tour around, wherever it was humanly possible. (I even somehow made it into the Kilborn gig! Strange, but true.)
Some people say I'm not a 'typical fan.' Well, I don't think there is such a thing. Everything we all feel and do for Morrissey is equally relevant.
He's the first person that everything I learn about him or her makes me like him or her MORE, not less... I read everything I could get my hands on about him, started a website, and began to truly study the man, and, most importantly, what he was trying to say and do through his music.
I felt, and continue to feel, a connection with him that is unparalleled by anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. I empathize with everything he says: in interviews, in his music -- hell, even onstage. I really do no longer feel at times, when life has been particularly cruel or savage, that I need to go to the nearest hill and wait for the mother-ship to zap me up. (Well, at the very least, Moz would be getting zapped-up, too!) Morrissey knows. He really and truly does.
How could anybody possibly know how I feel? Well, Morrissey does. I like to think that I know how he feels, too. (But don't we all feel that way? We all relate to him and feel something from his music. That's one of the many things that's so incredibly beautiful about him and his music. That's why we love him so impossibly much, I think. One of the many reasons...)
Someone said to me once that Morrissey replaces something we are missing in our own lives. Well, I don't believe that is true at all. He enriches my life, gives me hope, and lets me know that there's someone out there, somewhere, who truly understands.
I am completely convinced that someone, somewhere (god? Some higher power, that's for sure) sent Morrissey here to help all of us. I know it, like I know my name. No, Morrissey is not a saint; I know this. Morrissey is REAL, just as real as the rest of us, but he has a gift of insight, depth of emotion, and, yes, purity of heart, and that is truly a rare thing -- I see it as the rarest of all things, as grandiose as that sounds.
Thank you, Morrissey, for everything. It is my true wish (hell, I hope to God or whatever being is out there) that he is truly happy and fulfilled one day. He deserves that much, and so much more, for all he's given us.
Thank you, Morrissey. Thank you.
Saturday January 01, 05
Why DO I come here? Why DO I hang around? A manifesto.
Yes, I know it's cliched by now to use Moz lyrics in place of something original, but it just seemed so damned appropriate.
I was in Dublin a bit longer than I had anticipated (ha, okay, a LOT longer) and I didn't have time to, er, monitor how people responded to my comments on the general forum -- I had limited internet access, because it was pay internet, and they had opening/closing hours, etc.
So anyway, I had time tonight to go back through the old comments; on one of them, my new friend realitybites had wished me a Merry Christmas, and I responded. Some troll (hmm, I wonder who, well I know -- two people who love to be miserable to others, together -- but I'm taking the 'high road,' as it were, and not naming names) replied to my post -- ready? -- "Fuck off sycophantic Yank." Well, how thoughtful. Anonymous, of course. The epitome of cowardice. Why, why, why? I went to some of my other comments, specifically the Dublin gig comments. Another faceless person trolling my benign message. I've had some misunderstandings here, but I don't ever troll people -- I mean, for christ's sake!
Now, I was never before someone who was spiteful or vengeful in any way. Hell, I'm still not. However, in my entire life, no one has ever made me feel the way these anonymous comments do. How does one fight a phantom? Honestly...
I've said this before, and I'll say it again: Before I came to this site, I was a MORRISSEY PURIST. I thought every fan loved him as purely, deeply, and unconditionally as I do. I sincerely felt (and feel) that he and his music do represent the higher ideal we should all be striving for -- I've never encountered anything like it in my life. I've read innumerable novels -- classics, mostly -- every kind of poetry (sonnets, 'classics', freeverse, everything) and pretty much everything else under the sun. Nothing comes close to Morrissey, nothing, and I don't ever hesitate to point out his genius, what he means to me, or how special he and his music really are. I don't swear much, but *fuck* everyone who wants to call me a sycophant for that.
Old feuds -- that never even existed in the first place -- haunt me. I've been wondering, truly, why I subject myself to it. The gist of the feud causing the incessant trolling?
I'm just so sick of all of this jejune horseshit. Honestly, I came here because I truly do love Moz in a very, very pure way. I didn't even know it was possible to feel such a pure emotion, I really didn't. (YES! I'm a sycophant! Yes! NOT! What complete and utter bullshit. Okay, so if you're a genuine fan, you're a sycophant! I get it now! What the hell ever, I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't care ONE IOTA what you people think of what I say.)
See, I was never this bitter. I've never been the happiest person, don't get me wrong, but I've always been on a reasonably even keel -- melancholy much of the time, but on a fairly even keel. This is the first time in my life that I've ever felt BITTER. Ever. Thank you, Moz-solo trolls, for ruining this place, ruining the forums, and tainting my mind with such garbage.
But, you know what? It won't work -- it won't last forever. The good here will prevail, somehow.
Wednesday December 01, 04
What an insane, nightmarish place Moz-solo is becoming...
I just read all of today's postings on the general forum.
Good god. I am literally astounded and completely sickened. What is this place coming to? How depressing. I don't care if people think I'm overly sentimental about Moz (god knows I'm not sentimental anywhere else in life, so I guess it has to manifest somewhere), he deserves better than this from his fans.
I think not reading this nonsense anymore is a good idea for everyone. It kind of kills everything good we feel about Morrissey. It's so unhealthy. Hopefully Morrissey doesn't read the forums, or anything else on this site, for that matter, because it would genuinely hurt him. (Yes, I know, barf, mush, whatever, I don't care what anyone thinks of how I feel.)
Concentrating on Morrissey's music and everything that's great and amazing about him is what we should all be doing, not immersing ourselves in this garbage, especially in such a public way.
Sunday November 28, 04
Moz-solo and the Passage of Time...
Why have I spent so much time on Morrissey-solo in the past 24 hours? Is it because I'm looking for some intervention (divine or otherwise) in my Dublin gig dilemma? (To go or not to go? Will it be that important that I'll never forgive myself if I don't go?)
Some insight, please, anyone! Does anyone think it will be the end-all, be-all of shows? Surely it will be incredible; does everyone think that this will be IT? If not IT, will something so monumentously cool/unusual happen that this show cannot be missed?
Help, oh insightful one, whomever or whatever you are! I know you're out there! ;)