suzanne (36)

suzanne
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I have bad musical taste.

Journal of suzanne (36)

Sunday August 22, 10

New (Old) Topic of Discussion

08:39 PM

My unemployment wears on, but may be coming to an end.

I'm waiting on a background check to come through, and then possibly a second interview, for a job that is basically like a like a law clerk for a judge.

If that doesn't happen, I'm in the running for seasonal work that would last several months.

Although the odds are good, I'm obviously still a little nervous about declaring victory.

Even though they said that they will have a "round 2" of interviews (the first round was over the phone), it looks like they're jumping ahead to checking references and backgrounds. It sounds a bit weird, but it may just be the nature of the work. Hiring people for clerkships does tend to be less involved as far as picking candidates, unlike working in a huge firm where they narrow down a list of candidates, have them work over the summer, and then pick a few from that group to be their permanent bitches.

In the meantime...well, I've been in a bit of a quandary.

San Antonio is a boring place for me since everybody is basically gone. However, I can get some cheap living in. If I want to nurse a cup of coffee while reading something I picked up at a used book store, there is nobody to judge.

My friend A, for lack of better phrase, needs a boyfriend. Many of the times I hang out with her, it is a theme of dinner/movie.

Dinner at good restaurant/Whatever shit is playing in theaters.

Yeah, I suppose I haven't said much about my friends. I used to come here and complain about them a lot! But, I dropped that in favor of complaining about Robo, then my employment issues. I feel like being in a crabby mood in general, but it's hard to just say "crab crab crab" without there being an object of resentment.

Tonight, I just feel like there is lack of sensitivity towards my state of current being. I'm not receving unemployment. Do I really need an evening that costs over $20? (Yes, that sounds cheap to people in NYC, but, if you are laughing at my cheapness, you probably have money coming in. I feel like there is other stuff to do out there that doesn't require resorting to movies that I only have a 'meh' attitude towards as far as paying to see. Heck, I went to a museum yesterday. I spent the same amount of money and saw Warhol paintings. Thanks to that and another unusual touristy trip, I actually felt a bit invigorated today. The exposure of new things with people willing to do them! I was put off from doing it simply because even getting somewhere costs gas money. However, I want to do it again and go somewhere else, and the trip was especially made because my visiting friends from El Paso accompanied! Seriously, I think that a travel companion is the only way I'm going to be blasted out of my funk. I've done so much of solo traveling, and this was much better).

But at the same time, if the job finally comes through, I'll be going off to an area where I don't know a soul, so I feel like I should enjoy the good times before they go.

That is the downside.

Yes, I recall a year or so ago how I expressed my desire to pick something in public service and stay either where I currently am or moving back. I don't need a shitload of money. However, I want companionship. I had hopes of returning to dating and a real relationship.

A year later, I've been placed in a situation where I had to give up on that.

Who knows? Maybe it will be like a mini "Eat Pray Love" and this will be my Bali and my Javier Bardem awaits, but its hard to believe it. I've completely quit subscribing to the idea that life in some other place is going to save me from myself. I always have a tough time adjusting wherever I go. After Spain, I had little desire to go anywhere else. That was the point in my journey where I had officially seen enough of the world and I would rather pay money for a National Geographic to satiate the little curiosity that remained.

"Ooh! That looks pretty! Thank God I didn't have to deal with airlines or try to avoid people who are trying to rip me off to get to see it! No malaria pills! No trying to figure out the local language! No cramped youth hostels with communal showers! I can see it on a page or on the TV screen!"

High Def has created such a wonder as far as images go that I can sit at home and be amazed at the wonder after some poor videographer sat there all day long waiting for the sun to hit on the water just right.

Oh well.

It was a good dream while it lasted.

I hope that since I am vaguely familiar with the coast in general that the transition won't be too bad. The TX coast mostly sucks because it is warm and smelly, although it might be like a California day in the middle of January. The summer will be bad. That's the thought I'm hanging onto at this point. As I said, I might run into Javier Bardem and all may be right with the world, but I can also fly over the rainbow in a unicorn if I believe hard enough.

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