Back In The US (July 1991):

• Our plane lands in Tampa, Florida. My mom and her boyfriend pick us up from the airport. We plan to stay with them until we get an apartment -- which should be less than two weeks from then.
• Izzy is ignoring me. He won't talk to me. He stays in the bedroom while we have dinner. My mom and her partner don't understand. A few hours later, after holing himself up in the bedroom, he comes out and asks to use the phone. He calls a cab. He packs his things and leaves the house. He says he is going to Reddington Beach to stay with Tim. He leaves.
• I go into the bedroom, curl up in a ball, and hyperventilate for a very long time. I was abandoned. I was six months pregnant. How was I going to pay for my doctor's bills alone? How would I raise this child by myself? Oh my God, what was I going to do? My mom's boyfriend sat down on the bed and consoled me. He decided then that Izzy was the devil, and no matter what, he would never forgive him for what he just did to the baby and me. (And he never did.)
• I called my obstetrician and explained that my husband left and that he has all the money with him. I told her, "I don't know how I will be able to pay for the birth." The receptionist tells me, "The $6,000 dollar balance is due in less than three months. If you cannot pay, then we will have to deny you services." She then said, "Have you thought about adoption? We have some very nice couples that would love to adopt your baby. They will pay for the birth." What the hell??? I could not believe what I was hearing! It was all about money. There was no way I was going to give my baby away!
• I called several doctors in the area to see if they would be willing to accept payments. None would take me in as a patient, due to liability -- I was too far along in my pregnancy. I would have no other choice but to go to The Health Department for my pre-natal care.
• Izzy calls from Tim's. I tell him that I need $6,000 dollars for the medical bills. After about one week of begging, he gives me a cashier's check for $6k. I open a savings account in my mom's name and deposit the cash.
• I go to the Health Department for my prenatal care. They say that I will most likely have to have a cesarean, as my pelvis is so tiny.
• August, I use part of the 6K to move into my own apartment. I buy a crib, stroller, baby clothes, and other essentials.
• Pearl Jam's Ten is released.
• Deanna, my sister in law, and I go to the clinic and I have an ultrasound done. The clinician tells me that the baby is a boy. I cry. I wanted a little girl. How would I raise a son without a father around? But, I accepted this fact right away, and told Deanna his name was David. She patted my abdomen and said, "Hi David."
• September, Izzy spends the night at my apartment often.
• I take a Lamaze class with my mom.
• I see my new obstetrician at her office. She barely speaks English. She tells me that my baby is way too small -- that I need to gain weight immediately. He can't weigh more than 3 LBS! What??? I was due in less than three weeks.
• October 3, Izzy and I make love at midnight. At 5:30 A.M., I wake up, sit up, and my water breaks. I call Deanna. She has had two children. I explain that Israel is there. My mom would freak out if she knew I was sleeping with the enemy. I call the hospital. The nurse tells me to walk around and get the contractions started. But, that it was no rush to get to the hospital. It would be a while before I would deliver. I call my mom. She says she will shower then be at my apartment in less than an hour. I ask Izzy to leave. He doesn't want to. But, my mom and her partner HATE him. They will never understand him being at my apartment. He leaves.
• At 7:20 A.M., my mom arrives. By this time, I am lying on the floor in horrible pain. I must have been laboring all night and was now in Transition -- the last stage of labor. My mom drives like a maniac to the hospital. It takes us 40 minutes to get there, in traffic. I thought I was going to deliver David in the car.
• We arrive at the hospital at 8:00 A.M. The delivery/recovery room looks just like a bedroom; it is beautiful; it even has a sauna in the tub. And, it is a private room. The nurse checks to see how far dilated that I am. I am already 3cm. Ten minutes later, the doctor comes into the room. She wasn't my regular doctor. The bitty was on vacation and this angel was filling in for her. Was there a God after all?!
• She tells the nurse, "Call my office and tell them I will make my 9 O'clock appointment." What? Was she serious?! I was going to have my baby in less than a half-hour?! How was this possible?! What about those long drawn out labors you hear about? What about the cesarean I was supposedly going to have?
• Next thing I know, I am pushing -- drug free, no epidural, pain meds, or episiotomy. Yay!
• David is born at 8:57 A.M. He weighs 6LBS 13 0Z -- a far cry from the 3LBS I was told that he weighed.
• The nurses all called me Speedy.
• Izzy came to the hospital to visit. He was with Tim. He didn't bring me a card or flowers.
• David was circumcised the next morning then we went home.
• I stayed at my mom's for two days. But, I was anxious to get settled at my apartment.
• I turned 24 on October 21st.
• David and I are both Libra.

When I was twenty-four (1992):

From the beginning