realitybites (13041)

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Journal of realitybites (13041)

Sunday June 26, 05

It takes more strength to eat than to starve

11:13 AM

I just learned today that there is another journalist with anorexia. But unlike myself, she is in the early stages of the illness. She has been starving herself for less than a year. She calls it anna, a term made popular by internetters who post about the beauty and joys of being anorectic -- glamorizing this illness. I have seen these websites -- death traps. I can't go there. I won't go there.

Oh, but I kept reading her journal. Was I wishing to learn that she is not that thin?! She couldn't be as thin as I was, right?! Because you see, I still want to be the best at this illness. Even though I am no longer emaciated, I want to have done it best. I was thinner -- the thinnest.

I feel like a failure for giving up my anna -- my best friend and choosing to live instead. But is this living? I dunno. But it is life. If I were not eating today, I wouldn't have the energy, drive, or ability to write even a few sentences in a journal. Actually I would be dead.

I am better off being fatter. I have to tell myself this every day. I cannot glamorize anorexia any longer. It is a mental illness not a pair of shoes that one tries on and wears comfortably. It is not pretty.

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  • *sniffles*

    This is one of the most sublimely honest things I've ever read out here.

    And I'm not just saying that because you made me your "best friend"...twice! ;)

    Honestly....through your words, I could actually experience in some small way your inner conflict, and having a deeper appreciation for it, I pray that you can stay on your right path and that the other might one day find her way, too.

    You have done this issue much justice...from both sides of the perspective.
    alainsane -- Sunday June 26 2005, @06:44PM (#168724)
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