Friday January 28, 05
So many thoughts
There are so many thoughts racing through my head. I want to write them all out, but this will take some time.
So, for now I will make a list of the themes that I would like to talk about.
I. Writing a book.
WRITING A BOOK
I feel kind of weird, because until recently, my journal was my secret. I mean of course it is here, out in the open, but my friends were not privy to it. Now the cat is out of the bag. I don't want to monitor what I write. I have always been true to myself here. I would like to continue to do so.
First of all, I have to ask the big question: why didn't nature make me a better writer? I have the passion and boy have I lived and experienced so many wonderful and painfiul things -- surely I could even say my life story would make a wonderful read. There is love, drama, comedy, pain, triumph, challenge, hope...
Heck even just this last year alone would make a wonderful story -- a mini autobiography, "The Life and Times of a Message Board Poster." Oh do I have stories to tell and secrets to share. All names would be changed to protect the innocent and guilty, of course. Could I write a book? Do I dare write a book? Will I? Perhaps, I will.
Maybe I will start here -- in my journal. This can be a foundation to get me started. Someone I met this year, told me that my life was so facinating to him that he wanted to write my life story. I was so honored by this gesture, for he is the most brilliant writer I have ever met. If he were born in the 19th century, I am certain he would have been pals with Keats, Byron, and Shelly. Unfortunately, I broke his heart, while breaking my own as well, and he will not be penning my book.
I think he has fallen in love with another. While it never would have worked out between us, I still feel sad about this. Why couldn't it have been him and I? Why am I so UNLOVABLE? Why is he so UNLOVABLE?
YAHOO CHAT ROOMS (she did a bad, bad thing... )
I am feeling a little embarrassed and disappointed in myself for the way I acted last night. Solo was offline, and I wanted to play on the net. So I decided to check out some of those big Yahoo chat rooms. Being that I am facinated with religion yet a proud card carrying atheist, I decided to hit the Islam chat room first. There where about 450 posters in there. I entered. Wham! Post after post was quickly being deposited across the screen. I focused as best I could, and realized that they were shouting at one another. There was no way that I could even read anything that was being said. It was scrolling by much too quickly. Well, here comes the embarrasing, immature, and bigoted thing that I did.
First, let me just say that I think this was a case of sublimation. I was angry and just picked an easy, faceless target, that was perhaps somewhat related to my source of anger. So, as these posts were moving by, I wrote out my post in giant purple letters: GOD IS DEAD! Posts moved by again. I posted once more: GOD IS DEAD! Then, all of a sudden, I saw my name and a message, "Allah lives." I posted once more: ALLAH IS A MYTH. And the strangest thing happened, the board slowed a bit... and several posters tried to state their beliefs... and then I left.
Evil, immature, and utterly senseless, I know.
Ok. So, it was still early. Next, I checked out the professors chat. What a bunch of gits. A poster entered the chat and asked if she could ask for career advice. Some jerk told her that she was an idiot and in the wrong chat room. Wow, some intellectual group that was, not. So I left.
The final chat room was Buddhism. Ah, I found my kindred spirits here. It was calm, intelligent, kind, generous, warm -- right up my alley. I chatted for about two hours and met some wonderful people from Oz, NZ, USA, England, Ireland, Mexico, and Taiwan. Did I dare tell them that I commited a great atrocity earlier, that was in direct conflict to the salient principle of Buddhism: ahisma? Hell no, I did not.
What is a cattyMaven? It is a woman who is subtly cruel, malicious, and spiteful. She is a passive-aggressive, who engages in under the radar manipulations to get people to do what she wants. She is petty, envious, and has very low self-worth. Even into adulthood, she acts like she is in grade school. An attractive, intelligent, popular, and outgoing female is her greatest adversary. She will do whatever it takes to remove this threat. She will lie, cheat, steal, cry, throw tantrums -- anything to get the competition out of the way. She is a spoiled child trapped in an aging woman's body.
What's to do when you find yourself up against a cattyMaven?
YOU ARE AS SICK AS THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
MorrisseyMusic's forum is back-up
Let's light off fireworks! The resident drama queen is already there whinging about how s/he has been traumatised by having to spend the downtime at Solo -- poor wounded soul.
Yes, I have posted there occasionally, haha. Do I want to go back to all that negativity? Not really. I'm not sure what I will do.
Maybe it is time that I write my book.
I know drama mama is reading my journal. Let her/him. Maybe s/he can learn something.