aaaarrrrgggggghhhhhh.....
the anxiety..... it's that usual pit in your stomach bit... the pain and gnawing when you know that stuff just ain't right.... EVERY day now.... i think it's feeding and growing in there....
should be a child doing that, at this point in my life, right? but nope - i'm pregnant with anxiety instead...
there's a poem in there somewhere...

my morning sickness is instead a hangover, from the wine I'm consuming in order to dull the pain... except that once the wine wears off, there it is again.....
but the end is nigh..... any day now, i'll be giving birth to the anxiety, the tidal wave will have passed and it'll be quick.... the due date is just about set on that one.... and I'll emerge, scarred, but whole and excited and ready to face a new chapter.
in the meantime, I can reap the benefits of anxiety, and there are some goond ones - weight loss is one.... my appetite has gone to shit... whereas before, the siren call of the work vending machine would beckon to me in the afternoon or watching a bit of tv in the evening, the fridge would call to me to snack on something, I couldn't be bothered with eating anything much at all... no dinners have been cooked in a while now....
I'm still working out too - I started back up about a month ago - so double bonus there. I'm trying to maintain my work outs in an effort to keep sane.
although I'm unable to run lately.... too many thoughts in my head for running.... running's so barren you know? you get pulled into your own head a bit.... but maybe running would be good? must remember to try it....
the work outs of course, are a bit negated by the aforementioned wine though....
oh, and then there's my good ole standby for stress - I don't know what it is about watching vintage game shows that really calms me right down....
Match Game on Game Show Network has become my go-to... but it has to be the episodes with Richard Dawson.... that, and Family Feud, also with Richard Dawson... I have no idea what it is about that man, but he calms me right down.... or maybe it's the 70's in general that are calming to me?
thank god for being able to record tv shows - I've got whole blocks of Match Game and Family Feud from the 70's.....
works every time....