"You never knew 'cause he was dead...
And how his face was carved and ripped with wrinkles
In the picture in your head..."

I'm trying to score my uncle some weed.... hehe....
anyone know of anyplace near Zakopane Poland where he could, you know, *get* some??
*sigh*
I've probably mentioned my uncle on here before, I like to call him uncle Hefner since he kinda looks like hef and he also was quite the ladies man back in the day...
well anyways, he's deteriorated.... old age has descended upon him decided to give him a swift kick in the balls while it's at it... his kidneys have failed and he's on dialysis and then on top of that, he's got tumors in his liver and his useless kidney....
my mom will call there once in a while and he's just a tearful mess, very depressed, very weak, zero appetite and just hanging on... they say he looks like a concentration camp victim.... his extreme diet of the last few years to hang onto whatever was left of his kidneys drained him and now that he's on dialysis and can actually eat a bit more, he has no appetite....
he's barely able to walk he's so weak....

yesterday, i learned that my mom had talked to him and he was in tears the entire time because he's now in pain....
3 doctor's he's got assigned to him and yet still, the pain....
this is all making my heart ache....

and then last night, it hit me.... weed.... he needs weed....
first thing today, i called my mom and told her about it....

"tell him it's not a 'real' drug - it's a plant... it's nothing like heroin or cocaine or anything like what you may have heard... and it's not going to make him nuts or crazy or anything like that - it's like alcohol really, he'll just feel relaxed....." I told her, trying to carefuly lay the foundation so as not to alarm her... how do you broach drugs with someone like my mom?
but she seemed very enthused....
I told her that they use it medicinally in California and that it's legal there for medicinal purposes (I don't know that it is.... I *think* it is but it's best to sound sure) and they give it to cancer patients to ease pain and increase appetite...
"hmm.... they gave him pills for appetite and those didn't work at all...." she said..."where did you say it was legal, Florida?" (i think she was writing this all down or something, to relay to them)
I told her to tell him to mix it in with his regular pipe that he smokes.... he's smoked a pipe all his life..... he can add some to that if he wants to....
she went now to call my other uncle who's staying with uncle hef and see if he can score some somewhere... except other uncle is a giant alcoholic who sleeps for days on end...
together in one house - 2 brothers... one, fighting his liver and kidneys which have turned on him and the other, trying desparately to KILL his liver and kidneys on purpose...

I want to jump on a plane and go there and take care of this myself.... I don't trust anyone to do what needs to be done....
I can see it now, everyone will say, yeah, sounds good, hmmmm, interesting... yeah... and that'll be that. nothing will be done.
if I was there, I'd figure out a way to get it, get it TO him, and help him use it.... explain to him that it will help - it won't harm him anyway, and it's worth a shot.... and maybe it'll bring back his appetite....
I'd try to make some jokes, cheer him up....
I just feel helpless being all the way over here...
and just last weekend I booked a trip completely elsewhere, so it's not like i'll be able to get over there anytime soon....
maybe october?? will he make it to october?
he's claiming it's the end....
horrible to be sick.... nothing worse in the world than knowing that you simply *won't* get better anymore.... that was it.... the last healthy days spent a few years back were your last healthy days ever on this earth....
and you didn't even know.... didn't think to remember the feeling of not being sick.... didn't think to enjoy health.... be grateful to be breathing and walking and stretching and sleeping and eating and drinking.... such little things.....so important....