everybody's lost (12791)

everybody's lost
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Tuesday July 28, 09

I guess I should take prozac right? and just smile all night

07:53 AM

(the 6ths)

I'm soooooo very sick of pharmaceutical commercials on tv.... seriously.... you can't watch anything without seeing 10 ads for all manner of pill....
first of all, I don't want to KEEP BEING REMINDED that we're all gonna die.... I just wanna watch a crap tv show for a bit of entertainment and then every few minutes there's someone telling me that I may have something awful that needs treatment.... and I should ask my doctor....

which brings me to my second point, what the fuck? why should *I* be asking my doctor? shouldn't my doctor tell *me* what I need to take for whatever condition I have? shouldn't it work the other way around - I feel symptom, I go to doctor, doctor looks at symptom and prescribes best cure... nowadays, it's ME diagnosing symptoms, researching cures and then telling the doctor - "This is what medicine I need to take, okthx...."

it's just that you spend all this time hearing about horrible things and all kinds of illnesses.... I don't wanna know.... because I happen to have a good memory combined with a vivid imagination... that, and i've got time on my hands too.... see, unlike my grandparents, I don't have a field to tend and animals to care for and 6 children to feed using mainly potatoes and I don't have to physically *make* much of anything at all.... I've got time to spend.... I can examine every ache and pain... I've got plenty of time to analyze myself (is that a new mole?) to observe changes (am I a bit bloated this morning?? hmmmmmm....) and I've got even more time than that, because then I have time to start reading up on stuff.... only last month I thought I was either pregnant, going through early menopause or had ovarian cancer.... and a whole 2 days was spent mulling over which of the three it could be.... why would someone do that? how self centered.....

I wonder what it would be like to grow up never having to worry about that kind of stuff until it affected you.... people used to be busier or something - they didn't used to have time to baby oneself.... it was sort of "carry on until you get struck down and even then, deny it completely until you drop dead...."
I need a bit more of that....

I know a man who had a horrible boil growing out of his face, it was the size of a golf ball, and he was like, "Oh this? Oh, that's nothing.... I've been meaning to see someone about that..." or people like my uncle who lost a piece of his finger and just wrapped it up and carried on working.... or I saw a man once, drilling into cement, and a cloud of dust and powder filled the air and covered him and when you looked close, there he was, smoking a cigarette in the midst of all of this.... THERE'S a man who says, "Fuck it" when it comes to his lungs....

meanwhile, I'm always thinking of the worst case scenario.... that bloated feeling? what if that's bowel cancer?? or maybe it's IBS? I saw a commercial for that last night....

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