everybody's lost (12791)

everybody's lost
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Thursday July 23, 09

you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.....

08:40 AM

I have these friends that are leaving the country... and it's for good - since they were here illegally to begin with - but they've been here for around 10 years....
the guy, Tom, is mr. lost's mom's friend's son, so in the summer of 99, me and mr. lost were in Poland... upon our return, we found a guy staying at mr. lost's house - Tom... tom later found an apartment, got a job, we helped him get a driver's license, we helped him get a cell phone, his girlfriend Aga arrived and we found that we liked her immensely.... the four of us would hang out and party - tom and aga had a lot of friends passing through - from Poland, from here, from Austria, etc. and we partied with all of them
as the years passed, they bought a condo downtown... me and mr lost were still with our parents and so their place turned into party central.... every weekend, we would show up and there was bound to be someone over... we'd drink, we'd dance, we'd go out, we took mini vacations together, camping, road trips....
they were the most fun of all our friends - our other friends having moved out to the burbs and never wanting to go out... and if they DID go out, they'd be wanting to go home by midnight....
meanwhile, our nights out began at 10 and lasted until dawn....
and more and more people joined the group...
we knew people, but we really didn't know people.... we were connected only through tom and aga...
in the daylight, we all went our separate ways only to meet again on a saturday night...

as the years passed, there were weddings, breakups, new people in the group, people leaving the group....
all the while, tom and aga depended on us to help them here - go to court with them, call the phone company for them, read a document for them, fix their computer...
and sometimes, we felt like they were only calling us in order to have us do something for them...especially nights where they'd invite us over, only to have mr. lost spend the whole time working on their computer or resizing their pictures or hepling fix their printer. we began to feel used...
also, tom began to get on our nerves... he would tell wild stories which were always a hit with the crowd, but after years of knowing him, could I really believe some of the stuff he came up with? me and mr. lost decided that everything tom says, cut it in half and you'll get nearer to the truth...
but we put up with all of the negatives because they were fun.... who else would push their couches aside and have everyone dance in the living room until the cops came? who else would hop in a cab at 2 am to head out to make the last 2 hours at the club?

meanwhile, mr. lost was having trouble finding work... then he had some crappy jobs... then some stressful jobs.... and he was busy in his own life and tom still wanted stuff - called with questions, came over with his computer full of viruses....
we would sometimes avoid him.... that made him more persistent - calling first mr. lost's phone, then my phone, then mr. lost's phone, then mr. lost's mom's phone - mr lost had enough one day and exploded and told him to fuck off....
we didn't speak for almost a year then.....
when we called each other up after that year off, things seemed all right, but they were never quite the same...

then the babies came...
most of the people in the group had babies by this point and tom and aga followed suit...
the late night parties turned into card nights.... with tom shushing everyone and people quietly rolling their eyes muttering "but the kid's upstairs, we're not being very loud..." because we weren't - I mean, we're all very normal, considerate people, we weren't yelling or partying it up because we all knew the kid was upstairs... but even if someone dropped a poker chip on the table, tom would hiss and say, "are YOU gonna stay up with him all night if he wakes up?!"...
it became no fun this no fun bloody baby world - in the words of Eddie Monsoon....

all of us knew that tom and aga had become extremely overprotective of their child (and that's fine) but it was strange - and from a few whispered conversations, I knew others felt the same - we never saw their kid.... they'd hide him away from everyone... they stressed about the smallest things, like him touching dirty playground equipment or him hurting himself... they would only let certain people watch him.....and so they couldn't go out much because they had no one they trusted to leave the kid with... they still invited us over however, and then stressed about us all being over... slowly, we stopped coming by....

aga didn't show up to my bachelorette party because she claimed her kid was sick (even though her husband would be home)... I asked her to come with me to see morrissey when I had an extra ticket - and mr lost offered to babysit - and she flaked out on me at the last minute, claiming her kid was sick - i think she didn't trust mr lost with her precious cargo.... she often didn't join tom when he came over anymore - others would come to our house and bring their kids, she chose to stay at home with hers....

they've been planning on moving back to poland for YEARS now.... they sold their second condo, they were renting an apartment, tom was having trouble with work due to the economy...
and then, for the upteenth time, they told us that they were in fact leaving....
I didn't think anything of it until I saw that they bought tickets....
I was surprised that they were actually going.... on one hand, it was a bit of a relief.... no more 'doing' stuff for them (just last week tom came over with iTunes problems and he couldn't get his pictures off his old computer; he wanted to come by again this week because his iTunes still wasn't working - he's trying to copy music into iTunes that i don't think will work with it - iTunes is touchy with stuff you're getting off of free music websites but he just doesn't get it) so like I said, on one hand, it's a relief that they're leaving... and it's also kind of sad... kind of the end of an era.... except that to me, that era ended a few years ago already, and these last two years has been sort of going through the motions...
besides, they spent more time with their friends who have kids lately than with us... they didn't even invite us to their kids 2nd birthday party....

so last saturday - a big going away bash - around 70 people showed up... people I haven't seen in weeks, months and some, even years...
it was like the old days! it was a lot of fun.... I drank.... and drank.... and talked.. and drank.... and danced....we arrived home at 5am - we haven't done that in YEARS.....
but you see, I took it a bit too far.... (me and an open bar - not a good combination....) and so by the end of the night, I don't think I even knew who the hell I was much less, what we were doing there....
people were crying and I pulled an Eddie - "Crying?? squish squish - how d'you do that?? crying??" I came up to them and was like, "Why is everyone crying??" and they're like, um - because we're LEAVING?? oh.... hmmm.... ok.. and I just continued on my merry way with a shrug...
I'm just not that sad about it - in my mind - people come and go and they're moving on and we'll see them when we see them - they're not DYING or anything - no one's sick - no one's going away to jail or anything...I'm just not very emotional about it... hell, if someone told me to pack my shit, we're leaving the country - i'd be pretty thrilled... excited....

and they were all reminiscing and remembering and I realized, I don't care for reminiscing... I haven't thought about those years for a long time now.... people moved on, had kids or whatever, moved away and grew up - and those partying days with that group, they're over.... but whatever.... it happens.... we're not 23 anymore...
I'm more concerned with the future.... i'm more embroiled in what do *I* have to do next... I'm not sad about the past, it just is what it is.... and thank god it was fun....

but maybe i'm not being very nice about it.... in fact, I think I hurt their feelings a bit.... the next day, we saw them and they were sort of rehashing how I had asked why people were crying - they were like, "Well, believe it or not, SOME people are sad that we're leaving!!" I was like, oops.... they continued with "you guys are probably thrilled that we're leaving - you guys are probably just waiting for us to go!"
well, they've been saying they're going FOREVER and now they finally are - i dunno - maybe I've had time to come to terms with it... maybe I don't care because I know that I'll see them at some point - either in poland or elsewhere.... we'll talk on skype..... i mean, yeah, we're losing some friends, but maybe i'll miss them in a few months.... who knows...

but I don't like goodbyes.... I especially don't like long, drawn out goodbyes... I don't actually want to say goodbye at all.... I think we should see them on saturday, the day before they leave, and then just say 'bye' like any other saturday night...
maybe people need to actually be gone before I miss them... no point in missing them ahead of time....

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