so I may have mentioned before how my mom's really religious.... she's not religious in a *christian* sort of way though - she doesn't have a jesus fish emblem on her car and she doesn't talk about jesus in the first person or anything crazy like that (you know - how people say, I turned to Jesus and HE helped me *or* HE loves me, or HE loves you or us or whatever) - she's more old-school catholic where you're not really sure about god - where it's all a mystery - but JUST IN CASE - you go to church every single sunday and you go to confession and you have a million kids.... and you get on with your life and hope for the best....

so ANYWAYS, my sister D is in London for the semester and she's been doing weekend trips here and there....
she went to Amsterdam a few weeks ago....
she called our mom to tell her all about it - she told her it was pretty and that there was lots to see and do - she told her that she saw prostitutes and saw a man propositioning one (or does the prostitute proposition? not sure which way that goes) and that they sell weed and other drugs in cafes.... and she told my mom about how she partook of the weed :) she told her about buying a brownie with weed in it....
my mom's reaction??
"Oh D..... really...... sweets? during lent??"

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but yeah, Easter's coming up.... Easter in a Catholic house really just sucked.... it was church church church..... hours of church.....

this whole week has the ole Catholic guilt flaring up....

last Sunday was palm sunday.... then tonight is something else (stations of the cross maybe?? which is like 2 hours of praying as they go from station to station) then there's holy thursday... which is something else... then Friday's the big one - I think - where they reenact the whole crucifixion - they used to also have a statue of Jesus, fallen under the cross, and this statue was wheeled out into the middle of the church and everyone would line up to go kiss the statue.... I remember being little and the whole thing was wierd - first of all, you're at church at night.... there's no music or anything at this mass.... you line up and all kiss a statue.. I remember this white marble thing COVERED in lipstick marks.... you'd have to find a place to kiss it that was clear and free.... looking back, I really wonder why women would wear lipstick on this particular day.... common courtesy people.... but all this led to Saturday - easter basket day - and fasting - so you go to church with this basket of all the lovely food that you can't have yet - wait in line again, this time, to get it blessed....
and then you go home and stare at all the lovely food.... and wait.... and you really weren't supposed to have any fun either - so like music and movies were frowned upon.... later when i was older, we used to go out with the warning of "Don't have fun! don't go to clubs or anything like that - it's just not nice...." which of course, we'd ignore....

then Sunday - up at the crack of dawn for a 2 hour mass commencing at 5:30 or 6am.... but this time they carry another statue around - Jesus triumphant...... they go around and around the church - 10, 20, a million times.... and you kneel when they come round and you stand when they pass.... kneel..... stand.... kneel.... stand.... while your stomache rumbles.... especially not fun if hungover! I remember one year - I must've been 16 or 17 - I came to church straight from being out :) that was a difficult mass.....
and then finally - it's all lifted - you're free! you can eat! you can eat whatever you want! you run home for a huge meal.....
and somehow, even on the colder Easter's - THAT was the start of the summer.... officially....

living on my own, I've sort of peripherally participated in all this.... and it's more of a cultural thing than a religious thing for me nowadays.... and while I sort of miss it in a strange way, I don't feel inclined to participate....

my mom will ask me if I've been to church or she'll say things like, you know - today's holy tuesday or it's sacred wednesday or it's stations of the cross day or what have you - and I'll be like, oh, yeah - i know.... I'll - um - I'll get right on that... yeah - I'll uh - I'll go and *do* all that....

I was tempted to make up an easter basket and go get it blessed on saturday - but again - I can't really be bothered....
maybe if I have kids one day - maybe I'll do it then.... as a sort of cultural link - to feel a part of something....
kind of like when I got married - I got married in a church with the full catholic mass and all that... and people will ask why I did it that way - and I have to explain how it's not really a religious thing, it's more of a cultural thing..... it's just what we do....

I guess it's times like easter or weddings or christenings where I struggle with cultural expectations and religion - the two are really blurred for me.....