almareallymatters (15430)

almareallymatters
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Pretty Girls Make Gravy
Sunday March 16, 08

A Very Grim(m) Tale

03:22 PM

Once upon a time in a land far far away there lived a King and his Queen in a small but comfortable castle on the top of a hill. They were happy and content together and before too long they filled their castle with children…well two children to be exact…it was only a very small castle afterall.

The Queen loved her little Prince and her little Princess very much…so much so that she worried day and night about the best way to make them happy. She asked many people thoughout the kingdom for advice on how best to raise her children but she didn’t like what she heard….she didn’t like it one bit! It seemed to her that throughout the land children were sad because for every little wrong-doing they were punished with shrieks of distain and bellows of despair. This would never do!

Then the Queen remembered her own childhood…a happy time when her own Mother never once raised her voice in anger and was her friend. So that is what she decided to do….she made up her mind that her voice would be quiet and gentle like that of her own Mother whom she had loved so dearly and who had long since passed. She would never, ever shout at the little Prince or the little Princess.

The Queen was blessed with good children but they were by no means perfect and her patience was often tested. But when she felt cross or angry with them she remembered the promise she had made to herself and never once did she raise her voice to the little Prince and the little Princess…not once.

One day the Princess asked the Queen if she could have her favourite supper…a tasty home-made lasagne. The Queen agreed and all day the Princess thought excitedly about the lasagne. Infact she was unable to speak of anything but lasagne for the entire day. For the little Princess the day past by very slowly indeed, such was her anticipation at the feast that was to come. As supper time approached her stomach rumbled so loudly the walls of the castle shook!

Later that same day the Queen fell ill. She really had no strength at all and the thought of making lasagne for the Princess fill her with dread. The Queen asked the Princess whether maybe they could have something else for supper and have the lasagne another day when she was feeling better. The Princess was a good girl and agreed but her eyes were filled with disappointment and sadness and the Queens heart ached.

“I promised you a lasagne my dear Princess…and a lasagne is just what you shall have!”

The Queen retired to the kitchen where he fried and stirred and whisked and grated and blended and chopped and crushed until she had made the biggest and best lasagne the Kingdom had ever seen. The smells wafting from the castle kitchen were met with groans of anticipation from the little Princess who couldn’t wait until it was time to tuck into her delicious supper. The Queen put the lasagne in the oven and set about preparing the table for the feast.

Such was the little Princesses excitement the Queen decided that rather than dine in the castle kitchen they would take supper in the grand dining room. She lovingly laid the table and put out her best tablecloth and favourite china that usually only saw the light of day when they were entertaining passing dignitaries from lands far away.

Eventually the lasagne was ready and the Queen mopped her fevered brow and proudly brought the magnificent dish to the table before the King and little Prince and the little Princess. Although she still felt terribly unwell she took solace in the fact that her family were all together at the table and would share happily in the fruits of her labour.

The Queen served the lasagne and the King and the little Prince and the little Princess licked their lips and began devouring their meal and all seemed well in the castle.

Presently the Queen noticed that the little Princess was playing with her food…pushing the lasagne that she has toiled so hard to make around her plate.

“Whatever is the matter Princess?… is there something wrong with your lasagne?”

“No Mother…I just don’t really feel very hungry afterall!”

At this moment the Queen forgot her vow to never raise her voice in anger at her beloved children. It was as if she had been momentarily gripped by an evil spell. She summoned every ounce of strength she could muster and yelled so loudly that the very ground she stood on shook and shuddered….

“HOW DARE YOU!...YOU KNOW THAT I AM UNWELL…I HAVE TOILED FOR HOURS AND HOURS TO MAKE YOU THAT SUPPER…THE SUPPER THAT YOU WANTED…. AND NOW YOU WON’T BLOODY EAT IT!...I AM VERY CROSS INDEED!”

All around the table fell into a stunned silence. Neither the King nor the little Prince nor the little Princess had EVER heard the Queen shout before or seen her so very cross (not to mention heard her using the B word!) For the little Princess it was as if her world was about to end and she was gripped with terror.

At this moment the Princesses face turned a horrid shade of green and she gulped a huge gulp. Then there erupted from her mouth an explosion of vomit that covered the table, herself and the lasagne like flames from the mouth of an angry dragon. She began to shake and cry uncontrollably and was filled with sorrow and regret and fear at the wrath of the Queen. The Queen began to shriek and cry too and ran to her chamber in floods of tears leaving the King to clear up the mess she had made. The Queen was angry with the little Princess…but she was also angry with herself for breaking the vow she had made all those years ago.

So nobody in the castle ate lasagne that night…infact nobody ate anything at all as the sight of the vomit covered table had quite ruined their appetite….but the Queen NEVER shouted at her children EVER again…and they all lived happily ever after.

Love Alma xxx

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  • Thas about all I could say when reading this one! You poor thing! (and poor Princess!)

    I know I have got 'cross' at my children only to then discover that they are ill...oh the guilt!
    M-in-Oz -- Sunday March 16 2008, @04:03PM (#298526)
    (User #13934 Info)
    • Re:Oh dear! by almareallymatters (Score:1) Monday March 17 2008, @02:40AM
      • Re:Oh dear! by M-in-Oz (Score:1) Monday March 17 2008, @08:05PM
        • Re:Oh dear! by almareallymatters (Score:1) Tuesday March 18 2008, @01:09AM
  • Just when you think the dodgy cheese is going to poison the whole family, turns out it's the homemade lasagne ! Wot a whodunit. Keeping me awake on a Sunday night thinking about italian killer food.
    (Also strikes me as a potentially very good scene for Terence Hill's remake of "the Exorcist".)

    The bit that bothers me is that a Queen is not meant to cook herself; where are the servants?

    Seems to me the tragedy happens because the Queen hates to disappoint, as much as she hates to shout...The Queen means to protect the little Princess from both disappointment and shouting at the start, but they make a surprise come back at the end, like monsters in a horror story. Maybe they didn't like the way the Queen forbid them to play a part ... (Creatures like these are forces to be reckoned with. Ignore them, they only grow bigger...)(No, really!)(Defence against the Dark Arts/unit 1 lesson 1 )

    So hopefully, the Queen will learn how to rest, and the little Princess will see the Druid that lives in the Magic Forest because otherwise, the evil witch Gastroenteritis will strike again.

    For it was HER all along!

    To conclude with a personal opinion, I like to punctuate my own stories with a bit of shouting now and then... Keeps the readers on their toes. Then I usually follow with a looooooong silence and a few blank pages to give the characters a chance to think a bit about what they're doing all in the hope events will then unfold in a natural, lifelike manner...(Some see that as an excuse to fall asleep though, it's really hit-and-miss as a writing technique.)(I'm still experimenting.)

    Ha well.Chances are The Grimm bros had it far less easy than the Warner bros...

    Luv and er...Lasagne? Perhaps not. A bowl of soup, two aspirins.

    Anonymous -- Sunday March 16 2008, @05:49PM (#298528)
  • Its not just the little princess who was terrified darling. You shocked the bloody life out of me too with your firey fierceness! Is it safe to come out yet as i'm getting bored hiding behind the sofa?
    The Sarge -- Monday March 17 2008, @03:50AM (#298545)
    (User #20717 Info)
    Aka Mr Reallymatters
    • Re:Scary! by almareallymatters (Score:1) Monday March 17 2008, @04:15AM
    • Re:Scary! by Anonymous (Score:0) Monday March 17 2008, @05:21AM
      • Re:Scary! by almareallymatters (Score:1) Monday March 17 2008, @08:09AM
  • I, for one, can't believe it took you THIS long to yell at all - commendable my dear..... even in light of the outburst.....
    my house was full of yelling...... mom at us, us at each other, us at mom - and that was just the daily conversation! but then again, with 7 people, it was just so that we could hear ourselves.

    illness can be VERY deceiving when the mr. gets it first - it's the whole *boy who cried wolf* syndrome - I don't know about the Sarge but Mr. Lost is usually curled up into a nagging sweating whining ball and I'm like, "I just had this, i gave it to YOU, and somehow, when I had it, I was able to go to work, go to the grocery store, make dinner.... hmmmmmmm... interesting."
    so when he gets sick first, I can never tell how bad it'll actually be for me when I catch it.....

    feel better soon :)
    I'm *THIS CLOSE* to donning a surgical mask and gloves over here - I've been opening and closing doors with napkins to avoid the germs of the office but something sure is going around...... and it's only a matter of time before I get it (once it's mutated through everyone else) :) :)
    everybody's lost -- Tuesday March 18 2008, @07:30AM (#298588)
    (User #12791 Info)
    ...a chat with you and somehow, death loses its sting.
    • Re:my oh my.... by almareallymatters (Score:1) Tuesday March 18 2008, @08:03AM
  • Im on your side! Situs like this make a family! Great story - similar thing happend to me when I was 6/7. One Wednesday evening about 6pm (just after the Flintstones before Neighbours was on at that time)Mum and Dad made me eat my Dinner when I was swearing blind I wasnt well - it was cottage pie I will NEVER forget it. Next thing you know 'bang' it was everywhere and I was as white as a sheet - I had gastroenteritis (how DO you spell that??) and was off school for a week. You just cant tell with Kids, as I would always try and get days off school prentending to be ill. I think I played my mum for years and got away with it because she didnt believe me that time!! In any case I was mainly gutted coz I had to go to bed and couldnt watch Minder that night at 8pm "Oh my good gawd Terry!"
    Stuheff -- Tuesday March 18 2008, @08:35AM (#298594)
    (User #14637 Info)
    "This once was me"


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