"There's something I wanted to tell you
  So funny you'll kill yourself laughing"

I guess it was inevitable when I gave up working for a living back in August to be a full-time Mummy again that it wouldn't be long before me and the Sarge began to feel the financial pinch...well OUCH!...we are now suitable pinched!

Before you all start reaching for handfuls of cash, stuffing it in envelopes and posting it to us here at Chez Alma I should say we are not exactly destitute...not yet anyway! You can send cash (or cheques) if you want to of course...but it's really not necessary!

We CAN still pay the bills and we DO still have food in our bellies...life's necessities are covered...just! It's life's little luxuries that are in short supply right now. No more clothes shopping on a whim...lights are switched off when not in use...and no more organic veg for us...oh no...we are pulling on the family purse strings good and tight!

We used to save a little cash each month "for a rainy day"...not anymore...we are spending all that we earn now...and reaching for our umberella's!

Most notibly in our quest for financial survival I have had to curb my spritzer consumption and now only indulge at the weekends. This is probably not a bad thing from a health perspective I guess...but it sure sucks from a fun perspective!

I have for a while now had a little bare spot on the kitchen wall crying to be filled with a picture of some kind. This would of course be classed as a "luxury item" and is way down on the list of financial priorites right now! But there are no problems...only solutions. I was mulling over this particular dilemma on the way to pick the children up from school last week and the answer presented itself to me as soon as Dan came bounding out of his classroom, painting in hand! He had with him a crumpled picture of fireworks he had painted on black paper in beautiful iridescent paint which, after a quick visit to the local thrift shop for a five pound frame, now has pride of place on the bare spot in the kitchen.....

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u258/almareallymatters/fireworks.jpg

PERFECT! A piece of "original" artwork that didn't break the bank!

Another financial dilemma has surfaced in "kettle-gate!" Our kettle is five years old now and well and truly "on the blink!" It has in recent months become super noisey and when I switch it on to make a cup of tea the racket is like the taking off of a jet aircraft...this is more than a little annoying when one is trying to have a conversation (I have to yell above the din) or listen to the wireless. It is also refusing to switch itself off when the water has boiled and bubbles and spits at me like an angry cobra whilst I play russian roulette trying to switch it off at the wall without a serious scalding incident taking place. I simply can't afford a new one...but it is saving me a BLOODY fortune in tea-bags I guess!

As I said..there are no problems...only solutions. So when my Mother-in-law telephoned me last week to ask me what I wanted for Christmas I excitedly asked for a new kettle! I picked one out too...it is the grand-prix of kettles....£35 pounds worth of "quiet boiling" wonderfulness! Problem solved...if I can just make it to Christmas without a trip to the burns unit at the local hospital!

It is against this backdrop of penny-pinching and of making-do that our Morrissey has decided to "Come Back To Camden"...I want to go...of course I do...but I really can't afford it or justify such an extravagance...the ticket alone will be at least £35...then there's the travel...another £20...drinks...and lots of them...a T-shirt maybe....aaarrrggghhh!

In my dreams money would be no object for myself and Anais and we would purchase a coveted six day pass and wear our wristbands with pride. We would check into The Dorchester and spend our days wondering around Bond Street...maybe take in an exhibition at The Tate...a visit to the V&A maybe...take afternoon tea at The Ritz or Claridges...then after dark we would go on the Moz rampage and then sleep off the excesses of the night before in our luxury suite with breakfast served to us in bed on a silver tray. This isn't going to happen of course. It really is the stuff of dreams. We are two stay-at-home-Mummy's with budgets to match!

Maybe we could do it on a shoestring...a flea ridden hotel and a semi-nomadic life walking the streets till show-time. This won't happen either. We have our famailies to consider and there is no pause button on our lives to press. Quite apart from our financial constraints we have the hell that is "Mummy-Guilt" to deal with too.

I remember the morning after our last Mozzy-outing at Wembley last Christmas all too clearly. We were sitting in my front-room...Anais on the arm chair and me on the sofa...dressed in our pyjamas...mugs of tea in hand. We both had the emotions of the post-show blues to deal with...and I had a monsterous hangover too. The fairy lights on the Christmas tree were twinkling...we were not. We were racked with guilt...not at the money we had spent...but at the desertion of our families to follow our dream. We both hated leaving our children (even though both of our husbands were more that capable and very willing to take the helm without us) and we shead a tear or two at the way we had dropped everything and walked away from our responsibilties. When we were watching Morrissey we hadn't even thought of them...not once. We were filled with self-loathing and with guilt. Rightly or wrongly that's how we felt. At that moment we wanted more than anything to have our children in our arms again. Being a Mummy changes everything....forever.

So there will be no wristbands and no six-day passes for us. Morrissey may be taking up residency at The Roundhouse...but we will not! We will go and see our boy of course...but we will go once...and only once...on Friday. It won't be easy sitting at home night after night whilst Morrissey sings in my own backyard...but it's just how it has to be....

We have chosen Friday as we figure that most people will be at work thus giving us "layabouts" the strategic advantage! Whilst the workers will be in their offices and the students at their desks we will be free to queue from lunchtime, thus ensuring a prime position for the event. We usually go for stage-left...the side of the stage Morrissey tends to favour...and will elbow the elderly and infirm out of the way in dogged pursuit of our goal. Having looked at the Roundhouse seating plan though we are in a spin....

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u258/almareallymatters/roundhouse-seating-plan.gif

Well...it's not called The Roundhouse for nothing!

All we can do I guess is try for tickets in the BLUE-zone and then take our chances position-wise. The worst that can happen is that we will have to spend an hour and a half with Morrissey's bum in our faces...and I can think of worse plights! Quite how Morrissey will choose to work "in the round" I don't know...he will be like a gladitor in an arena of dreams!

Just the question of funding this little adventure to sort out now...there are no problems...just solutions....cue one rather frantic telephone call to my Mother-in-law very early on Saturday morning....

"Have you gone out to get my kettle yet?"

"No...I was just putting my coat on...."

"oooh!...oooh!...Can I change my mind?...can I have a Morrissey ticket instead of the kettle?"

"Well if that's what you want dear!...I guess you'll be wanting a babysitter too?"

So I'll have to put up with an unpredictable kettle as loud as a jet engine for now and risk getting scalded to death when I fancy a cuppa I suppose...and if it does explode I'll just have to boil water in a saucepan on the stove like my own mother used to do. The important thing is that I WILL be reeling around The Roundhouse come January with my Morrissey-partner-in-crime at my side. I may even try and stay (relatively) sober this time....

"Come back, come back, to Camden
  And I'll be good!"

Love Alma xxx