Hello. This is my last entry before the weekend. I'm going to see my folks. My mother's in hospital. She's quite unwell but she should recover.

I'm actually looking forward to the 4 hour journey to see them. It gets me out of London anyway.

My mother's illness has made me reasses a few things. I'm very much like her. She's the one member of my family I felt most connected to. What has struck her could strike me too. I realise that I have been right about quite a few things but I've been persuaded around by others to ignore my instinct. I guess I should have more confidence in myself.

Other news...

Recently people have been confirming what I already know: I'm a bit of a loner. I look around and see that people are deperate to be with other people. I don't really understand that. I enjoy being with certain people but their numbers are few. Most of the time I enjoy my own company.

I don't see the point of being like everyone else. I believe that you should be yourself. You can still fit in and contribute without conforming. It's those who are different that make a difference.

I had this idea. I want to die alone and not be discovered for a few weeks. I want what's left to be carried out in buckets. I want to cause as much inconvenience as possible and quite literally leave my mark.

I don't know why but that idea made me smile. Whether it's true or not remains to be seen. It won't matter to me. I'll be dead.

But that won't happen for a very long time.