Spinster (2887)

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"I've been beat up. I've been thrown out. But i'm not down. I'm not down. I've been shown up, but I've grown up (not really), and i'm not down, i'm not down.."

Journal of Spinster (2887)

Wednesday May 05, 10

Been a Long Time

09:02 PM

Hello All.

As the title suggests, it has indeed been a long time since i've (dis)graced the journal section of this site with my presence. I suppose the reason i haven't written in here lately is due to my being in a sort of a funk; i have felt neither inspired nor "normal" these past two months. The writing bug/epidemic had left me, and i also have frankly been working out some issues in my own head.

There have been a few days quite recently when i have questioned my own sanity. I have suffered from depression on and off for more than half my life, and was recently feeling so bad that i actually was considering being hospitalized briefly for it. I was feeling so terrible and worthless that i was actually contemplating death. I'm not writing this to invoke sympathy...but wanting to die just happens to be a symptom of major depression, which is indeed a legitimate ILLNESS.

Both of my parents had been hospitalized for depression when they were young, and frankly i'm amazed i've managed to avoid repeating this family ritual. Amazed and GRATEFUL.

However, the past week and a half or so, i've been starting to feel much better. Yes there have been a few bumps in the road, but i am truly starting to feel so much better, better than i've felt in more than two years or so. It has now been more than two years since my Dad passed away, so maybe the grief and hurt is slowly starting to lift away from my shoulders. While i of course wish every day that my dad was still here, i think i've adapted to him not being here (physically) and have learned to go about life as usual.

Ah, i would write more, but i am getting sleepy...very sleepy...

Until next time...

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