Seems that way for the past couple of years or so. In fact, so called potential rescuers have seemed to vanish before my eyes during the past year and a half. I realize that i need to become my own rescuer, as i have been aware of this fact for many, many years. And i would so like to be my own rescuer. But it just seems that lately i have been slowly falling into the pit of my own self-made Hades, and can't seem to dig myself out of this pit, even if i try to climb the sides of the walls.
      To try and make sense of this self-pitying journal i am writing tonight, i was listening to Radiohead's "Amnesiac" earlier this evening. I thought to myself; "Radiohead are so brilliant...why haven't i listened to this cd in such a long time??" Well..yes the music is brilliant..but i'm sorry it's depressing as hell.
I've caught flak from some people being a Smiths/Morrissey fan. "Oh how can you listen to such depressing music??" And from my ex-boyfriend, whose birthday just happens to fall the day before Morrissey's (ha!!) "Oh, i'm not into that music where everybody just feels sorry for themselves." Well...yes, in Smiths/Moz music, there is a theme of melancholy, but you can always catch a glimmer of playfulness and hope, at least in most of the songs. None of the Smiths/Moz songs i have ever heard have made me want to take five bottles of sleeping pills like Radiohead does. Don't get me wrong...i love Radiohead and think they are brilliant...i just don't think clinically depressed people like myself should listen to post "OK Computer" music without psychactric guidance...