The whole concept of sex has always been something of a hex for me, for so many different reasons. Primarily, I don't understand why it appeals to so many people throughout the world. All these questions asking if the activity is over-rated or if, indeed, there is anything to rival it in terms of enjoyment, are really irrelevant and rather silly in the large (pardon the pun) scale of things.

First of all, consider the action itself, and in particular from the male perspective. To my (admittedly limited) knowledge of said subject, there are three "modes of entry" to the female body in order to partake in acts of a sexual nature. The first, and most "natural", mode involves putting your penis into the vagina. Why on earth would you want to do such a thing? For starters, the chances are that somebody's been there before. Therefore, you are putting the most tender part of your body into a place where another man has been. Also, if my experiences from sexual education classes are accurate, I am led to believe the vagina bleeds periodically. What the term used for this action is, I'm unsure. Why would you want to put your penis into an area that bleeds with such regularity? This is beyond me.

The second mode: the mouth, or "oral sex", to use its internationally recognised term. Ladies eat all sorts of horrific foods from time to time, and it's most unlikely that they clean their teeth before partaking in this, seemingly pleasurable, activity. Not only that, but the large majority of people do not clean their teeth (and indeed mouth) properly with a toothbrush. Large amounts of saliva usually inhabit themselves inside the mouth. Once again, the penis is the most tender part (to my knowledge) of the male body. Why would you want to put it in such an unclean area, where the "lady" (in very loose terms) in question has possibly been eating all sorts of smelly foods during the day?

Finally, the anus. I don't know for a fact that the anus is the actual part for "taking it up the rear", but I'm sure you get my drift. This is, of course, the worst mode of all. Whilst vaginas bleed, and people eat disgusting food, the "derriere" is the place where excrement oozes from. The majority of excrement contains, to my knowledge and experience, a rather foul smell. The penis, also to my knowledge and experience, does smell considerably from time to time. Why bestow even worse smells on the penis? Also, as I'm sure I don't need to inform you, I would imagine the area of contact would be rather dirty. Why?!

From the female perspective, you have a penis entering into your body, through one of the modes identified above. The penis is used, primarily, for urination. Why would you want an object, which freely partakes in an activity with such a vile (albeit natural) end product? Surely the thought of having it enter your mouth is sickening in itself without actually doing it?

The world has gone mad. Or am I mad?