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Friday June 25, 04
The day was too calm to be real. Most people from this city didn't work today because of the long holidays and most had sore throats, some tears in the eyes, and a very bizarre mood.
Durão Barroso, the prime-minister from Portugal will resign.
Considering the vast failure that the CDS-PP hd in the european ellections, is it fair that Durão Barroso becomes the president of the european comission at all?
Thursday June 24, 04
what a game! By then end of it I was afraid somebody would have a heart attack. I saw almost it all, just missed part of the second half because I was getting nervous.
Anyway that game was also powerful because in order to get distracted of it I had to think of something else - so it was actually a great opportunity for me to revise some of the concepts that had been tormenting me.
There are still some people making noise in the street, continuing S. João's party yesterday, filled with plastic hammers, fireworks (wonderful!) music and roasted sardines... which would have been happier for me if I were not so melancholic lately.
Anyway - a great hug for everyone that lived that game, for Scolari who brough to the field the portuguese flag in one hand and the brazilian one in another, a gesture that most people ignored except the major of Lisbon who, despite being from the central-right, is a person with a great spirit often in synthony with my own, to the english people who made the best decision that was to celebrate together and have fun together and doing so probably had the rare joy to realise that's just a game after all, and a beautiful one too, etc etc.
And most of all, a great great hug to all the english people who talked with me saying how much they are embarrassed - we know the hooligans are just a few! Let's not think of those few ones as the ones who count - just the opposite!
It's sad that England is out though - what's a championship without the english? Anyway - England and Portugal made history with this one.
Oh I forgot that I don't like football!
Wednesday June 16, 04
Oh my! I wonder if that has anything to do with me! Duh!
From a certain somebody today's journal:
What's that? The Moz-Squad intimidating song? Mafia anyone? Poor Morrissey!
Sick way?? You bet! People have the right to disagree with you! Don't try to buy people when they don't agree with you, and above all, don't try to intimidate them! If you want people to like you, be a nice person instead!
Since Gabriella called for it but then for some obscure reason that she classified as "negativity" she deleted the answers to the questions she had made, I feel that I have to say something here about the events on her last entry. I dunno about any negativity, though it's true I don't think I read everything that was written there, once I had more important things to mind like the match Germany X Holland. And not that I like football.
Anyway I'm sure I didn't express myself in a low way, and in case she means that the negativity was coming from me, I want to point that once more that this attitude reminds me of the methods used in fascist governments, where unless you say what you're expected to, you won't be welcome. So, if and only if that's the case, Gabriela, next time you expect me merely to agree with you don't give yourself the trouble of asking - make a film in your own head where I apologise of all mistakes I made (eg not agreeing with you), close your eyes and try to believe in it, and your own problems will be solved.
Tuesday June 15, 04
I thought about deleting this entry by now, but anyway.
I'm here. Eh. Not hating anyone though. On the contrary, having the chance to reply to some posts made me some good, I dunno, maybe I was keeping things too much for myself and feeling sooo disappointed... Not now though. More than ever, I believe that there's always a chance to make things better.
So again Razor - you know that my life is also to explain to others computing and to introduce them to the internet too - as far as chat and bboards are concerned, my advice is always - stay far from them - but only if you can! If you can't, and I surely can relate to this situation (lol) even because we are part of the XXI century, then the first thing is - try not to get involved (who I am to say that????). Second try not to judge. It takes all sorts of mistakes till one gets used to it. And one is never getting it right anyway, but hey it isn't a problem in itself - because it only matters if we care - and most of the time we should not!
Tuesday May 11, 04
I hear the shouting, as much as I hear screams at night coming from upstairs. I just don't know why people bother. I think that all that drives them is the utter desire of being seen, of being noticed, when they failed to see themselves, to establish themselves for themselves, to dig a hole on the ground where their shadows could be planted and flourish with knowledge. Invisible knowledge.
I'm not Echo. If I were, I would have killed Narcissus instead. I can't see the world for anyone else. If you have eyes, you see it. Your life isn't more important than mine, or than anybody else's life - that's just what you want to believe in, when you feed on reflections, when you feed on names, when you feed on statutory notions, when you feed on everything but yourself. Labels are just useless when you know that value is inside.
I close the windows here just like I close them at home. In my mind, the screams become the stretched images of egos hysterically twisted. Images that became stronger than essence and cry for help. And there's nothing I can do about.
I am closed within myself, where I love and hate. Where I love silence mostly, because it's so perfect. Where I love my own thoughts if they come with the right weight and I have the power to write them out, if there's enough harmony in their surrealism and I can breath in their words, like in my dreams. I hate all the strange noises that wake me up from my dreams, just to see shapes of alien realities forged by hypocrisy.
I'm not a weak person in the sense that I never felt the need of having others telling what I think too, even if they do that in a polite fashion. Above all, I don't need people using my thoughts and words. Or myself, if that matters at all (because in case it does, it's wrong).
Monday May 10, 04
Above the human mistakes, above the human flaws that will always turn green valleys into sterile mud, there's the desire to write.