Prose for a change...
A thought... my writing style has changed over the years. Right now I am over-using ellipses. A few years back I was into the em-dash. Before that, I used semicolons excessively. Now I hate them and rarely use them at all. I think they should be rendered obsolete like the penny.
Another thought... I have been spending too much time on Solo these last two weeks. I have had too much free time on my hands and have wasted it arguing with people that mean nothing to me, to be honest. The people I know who love and care about me--and likewise--would be appalled if they witnessed my behavior as of late. Or would they? I know they'd say, you're smarter than that. And I'd tell them, you just don't understand. And it would be true. They would not understand. Just like the majority of posters here can't understand why some of us seem to move in clouds of drama. Maybe there is something thrilling, challenging to debate... even pointless, circular debate. I don't know. What I do know is that I feel worn out by it. Uneasy. And it is not making me feel good about myself. I have been here before. You'd think I'd have learned from past mistakes. How easily we forget.
Last thought... Back in 2005, when moving from Ohio to Arizona, I had to throw away and donate lots of stuff. I was already taking way too much to my new location. I had to get rid of anything that wasn't absolutely needed, or didn't have great sentimental or monetary value. So... and this seems almost blasphemous and embarrassing to admit now, in retrospect... I tossed a large case of cassette tapes into the bin. It contained hundreds of tapes--my entire collection spanning from the mid-eighties until that present time. I think my oldest one was Standing on a Beach by The Cure. That cassette had gone everywhere with me... to Europe and back... to Israel.. to the beach... and survived--sand infiltration and all. And I must have played it hundreds upon hundreds of times. I miss it, now, to be honest. And feeling a little regretful... that I threw away cassettes that others still value... and actually collect. One comes to mind: Louder Than Bombs. Yes, I know... the horror... can you believe I threw it away without blinking? I owned it on CD, and felt at the time, it was redundant to also have it on cassette. My new car did not have a cassette player, so when would I ever get a chance to play it? The utility of it had been lost.
We can't change the past. We can only reflect upon it and hopefully learn from our mistakes and continue to grow as persons. But sometimes we backslide. It is inevitable, it seems. I guess all we can do is brush off the dirt and continue to step forward.
You need to be logged in to comment