Viewing blog entries in category: Life, Family - Page 6
OK. Bear with me. I have not lost my mind. I really haven't. I can see Davie rolling his eyes.
So, Ben wrote back. Says he actually only met one of Kent's ex subs. (Backstory: here & here) He exaggerated to inflate his ego. What else has he inflated? He says he didn't meet her on OKC, but rather, at another site called Plenty of Fish. Heard of it, but never visited the site. Three minutes later, I'm checking out some profiles. No need to sign up first like you do at some of the other sites. Wow, I decide, the caliber of men seems to be greater at POF than at OKC—at least in the looks department. So, I sign up. This site is free as well and has a similar format to the others. Of course they want a photo. They all do. So, I upload the first pic in my random pics folder that looks cool. It is a photo still from the film 8 1/2. I am not sure about posting a pic of myself at this site yet. I want to get my feet wet, so to speak.
Holy Toledo! Not even a minute after submitting my profile, I get THREE messages. Not one. Three. And the guys aren't too shabby. Nor are they far away. Locals. Two ask about the photo with some pretty witty remarks. I play a little guessing game with both. Neither have seen the film. Won't rule out either based on this alone. Then over the course of the next hour, I get five more messages. Three want to meet me. Now this is just creepy. I have had no contact with them nor have they even seen my photo. Desperate?! Undiscerning?!
Before I headed to bed, I uploaded a real pic of myself.
Well, Tad—that's what I will call him here, as he claims he is a yuppie—just wrote again this morning. Must have seen the pic. Still interested. That is a good sign. I think. And gave me his phone number. I asked him if he is working this morning. Last guy I asked this said no, he works nights at Walmart. Nothing wrong with that. Better than living on the dole, right? Anyhow, Tad writes back and says, "No.... was thinking of me hiking... I have some gathering or something at 5 and that's all." How many strikes do you see in that response? Let me break it down. One, possibly unemployed. Two, hikes. I hate hiking. Three, used the pronoun 'me' when he should have said 'I.' Lame-o. Four, can't construct a proper sentence. Four strikes. That is one past already being out. How much do you want to bet he has a big smelly dog? I don't think I will be texting him.
Online dating—who does it and why? Seems these folks are pretty lonely. Kind of makes sense. They are all middle-aged singles/divorcees and empty-nesters or childless. They are in the second stages of their lives and want to share these upcoming years with someone special. I get it. I think. Why am I doing it—I mean exploring this subculture? For research purposes, of course.
Okay, by now, you must be sick of all the OKCupid stuff. So I am talking about that site, yet again, with some trepidation. It may be the last time. But I can't make any promises.
Here it is. I just got an email from the site informing me that...
you might want to sit down for this...
You read that correctly. It has been determined that I am now considered to be an attractive member. And thus will now be matched with other 'attractive' members. No more Doms, Bens, or dogs? Just good looking folks from here on out? They must have sensed my disappoinment with the place and have thus sent out the big guns? Hardly.
Who wants to bet that that letter is sent to every single new member after the third week of membership? What a crock, eh?
Online dating posts:
Plenty of Fishermen
Oh my gawd. Last night, right before I was about to crawl into bed, I got a message from 'Ben' on OKCupid. He and I had had a week-long series of exchanges. Nice enough guy. Too much baggage. Still married, yet separated—only since December, though. Sorry bud, you are clearly on the rebound. Give it time. You need to heal. Learn. Regroup. Moving to the next thing too soon, will surely have you repeating the same mistakes. Anyhow, so I last had contact with him about a week ago, until last night, when he sent the message.
Out of the blue he asked, "So, was that 'I want you to train to be my sub' guy's name Kent by any chance? "
What the? Had to find out what was up with that. Noway was I sleeping until I learned how he knew the Dom's name. Remember the Dom I mentioned in this post?
So I asked Ben, "Yes. How did you cross paths with him?"
A half hour goes by. No reply. Dang I have to work in the morning. I can't wait all night to see if he writes back with an answer. Tic toc. Tic toc. The suspense is killing me. Btw, Ben has removed his photo from his profile. Of course, heightening the suspense.
Finally, forty minutes later, he sends this response, " LOL! Oh what a wicked web we weave! OOhh, let's just say he's a liar and a cheater, something that so many internet hopefuls fall so easily for."
WTF? I hate cryptic shit. What is that supposed to mean? Oh Jesus. Round two. This is a game I don't have time to play. Just tell me how you know Kent for fuck's sake.
So I write back with this, "I am not surprised. Did you meet someone else that mentioned him? Hilarious."
Fortunately he writes back right away...
"Obviously. I was so ignorant. Here I thought it would be impossible for a dom to actually cheat. I mean, seriously. That's the 'dom', whose very word is law. If the dom can't do what the dom wants, then how could he/she be a dom in the first place?
As a side note: I had to either pull my pics, or vanillafy my profile. Have to appear respectable for the time being."
How old is this guy? Jiminy Christmas!
OK. I needed to get to the bottom of this even if it turned into an all-niter. So I ask, "What the? No comprende. Cheat? Cheat on who? How do you know this guy? Why do you have to vanillafy your profile? Were you guys chatting? I thought you were both straight. Are you attracting his ex subs? Ahahahaha."
I am laughing my ass off at this point. I can see it now. Ben chatting with Kent... negotiating a D/s contract. Haha.
Turns out, it wasn't quite as twisted. He replies, "Yeah. I would appear to be a sub magnet. Never considered to consider being a dom. I don't want to direct traffic. I just want to sit back and watch. Lol!"
Now I am just rolling my eyes. What a tosser. He keeps me up to tell me he is a sub-magnet. Congratulations buddy. What a freaking honor.
So I tell him what anyone in my position would say, "Be careful. Have fun." In other words, "Fuck Off!"
I think I am done with that site. OKNofun!
Still... I am curious why the subs are drawn to Ben. Must be because he says he likes sex. Are subs nymphos? I think they are. They just like it rough. Wonder if Ben will write back.
Wow. OK. So I am not off to a great start. OKCupid could just as easily be called OKStupid at this point. Or maybe I should just say OKStupid, in reference to myself—as in what were you thinking, silly girl?
Let's just say I have not exactly come across the cream of the crop. Or any crop worth harvesting at all. But being the open minded, fun-loving, and inquisitive person that I am, I have answered all messages and been very generous with my time and replies. Oh don't ask why. I really couldn't say. Sport? Curiosity to learn about the misfits to be found on online dating sites? A sociological investigation of sorts? Call it what you will. But I haven't dismissed someone flat out—say— because he is only five feet five. Or because he was drinking a beer at 1:00 in the afternoon on a Monday. Or because he TOLD me to call him NOW. Or because he is Catholic and 'very serious about his religion' even though my profile states I am atheist and 'very serious about my views.' Or because he has three dogs that he takes with him EVERYWHERE, even though I make it abundantly clear on my profile that I dislike dogs. Or because he wants kids but my profile states I do not want any more children. But, I'm certain my little set of horrors pales in comparison to what others have experienced on OKC. Still, I am annoyed.
Funny, the number one question I have gotten has been, "Is that pic really you?" "Why?," I asked. ''Because some people show up and they are 200 pounds but they had a pic of a thin person." OK. "Nope, I am thin. That is me." Bells go off. Paranoia sets in. Hmm. Well then, I begin to wonder... how tall is that five foot five guy, really? And, if guys lie about their age, is that really a recent pic? And, was that pic taken before he gained 100 pounds? Or, is that his brother, not him? They look a lot alike and he didn't have time to take a pic of himself? And, oh, that car he is leaning on is a show room car? His ride is actually a ten speed bike?
But, the most disheartening thing about it all has been this. I have yet to meet one person that seems even remotely interested in me. None of them have asked me anything. It is all about them. And me asking the questions, playing advice columnist to help them sort their damaged lives and heal from past relationships. I should change my user name to Dear Jen. Jen is my OKC handle, btw. If I used the name Jehne, well, I might as well also post my phone number in my profile, if you get my drift. I don't want the creepers finding this blog. And I don't want the five foot five guy to read this. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Anyhow, this is my take on it so far. There are two types of men on OKC. Those who want to hookup—your details are irrelevant. And those who want fixed—your details are irrelevant. So, keeping my profile simple with few details DOES attract potentials. Because nobody is freaking reading them before contacting me anyway.
But I am not giving up—yet. Oh no. I still have a shred of hope left. Hope for what? I have no clue. But maybe that is my problem. I am acting like prey. I need to become the predator. But first I need to define my target clearly. Yes. What kind of man does Jen want? Let me pour a cup of coffee and think about it.
So, last night after I got home from work I spent the next few hours chatting with various men on OKCupid. Two days earlier, I decided to give the site a try. I am great at meeting men online. Chatting, emailing are my forte. But meeting them at work or around town has been more challenging when one lives in such a small city. But I DO want to get to know men who live within an hour's drive. So it was either Match.com or OKCupid.com. Match charges to chat. And I didn't want to fork out thirty bucks for a 'hobby' that I might not keep up with. So OKCupid, being free, was the way to go. Interestingly, I saw several men registered on both. Oh, and please, please, please do not go looking for my profile. How embarrassing for me. And don't sign up to mess with me either. You try doing that and I will smack you silly.
Speaking of smacking. Or spanking. I came across a Dom last night. You heard me right. Gosh I hope he doesn't use his tech skills to image search my profile pic then locate this blog and read this. That would be disobedient—talking about him—I gather. Haha. Why did I talk to him at all and not dismiss him flat out? Because I am a freak who is endlessly curious about people—all people. Obviously I am not the only person curious about the D/s scene or Fifty Shades of Grey wouldn't have been one of the best selling books of all time. After our little chat, I could not get the name Charlie Tango out of my head. Then I had a strange urge to clean the bathroom. What was up with that?
So anyhow, I have interacted with ten men already. Not too shabby. I am on a roll—weeding out the noways from the maybes very quickly. Not sure what I am looking for—if anything at all. But I DO know what I don't want. Guys in blue satin suits are a no go.
He said I am stoic, rarely if ever showing my emotions.
Funny, I always thought that I wore my heart on my sleeve.
Maybe, just maybe, he meant that I don't let them see me sweat. This could be true, I suppose.
I guess my coat of armor is solid and thick—these days. Or, perhaps it always was. Could be that I was born to do battle—genetically equipped with the traits to tackle crisis after crisis, heartbreak after heartbreak, and survive it all. Even thrive on hardship. On this journey called life, flat roads are so boring. Hills are so much more exciting to climb and descend. We choose a course that best suits what we want out of life. Easy road or difficult one? I'll take the bumpy road. Much more challenging. Keeps me on my toes. Plus if you don't take risks, you are playing it too safe. Safe means you might as well be sleeping comfortably under a blanket where nothing can hurt you. And also where nothing can inspire you to reach further, either.
And so if I am acting all stoic now, it is because I know I will survive this little setback as well. And it is small potatoes, when you place it next to the big spuds I have dealt with in the past. People come and go... that's okay as long as you know...
But don't think for a second, I wasn't affected. I was. The loss is real. The void is apparent.
Pain motivates us to act.
Suffering, physically and/or emotionally, compels me to write.
This is why I just don't have much to say lately. I feel incredibly happy and content.
Plus, I have had other outlets to express myself besides my blog. I am not living inside my head so much these days, but rather sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. A nice change.
Here is to friendship.
Listening to the new Beck album, Morning Phase.
I have two blog entries that are hidden from view. Not really on purpose though. They are private because once a post is saved as a draft it cannot be deleted. It will forever take up space on davidt's servers. Sure I can change the title and delete the contents, but there will always be a marker there.
In these two hidden posts, the titles are still the same. And the contents are unaltered. I have not made them public for various reasons. One was a poem from many months ago. I felt it was too sappy to share. Another, written just recently, I decided, is too negative. And I am trying to be more positive these days. Can you tell?
I have made a new friend whose attitude is rubbing off on me. I am finding it uncomfortable to be angry and argumentative as of late. Not that I have given up debating. No way. I still have a passion for heated discussion. But I just don't have the inclination or energy to fight with dimwits any longer. It is a waste of my time and completely futile. Too bad it took me so long to learn and accept this. Live and learn, right?
Secret blog posts mean that blogs are edited. That is right. Sometimes we don't post everything we write. Sometimes we change our minds about making our ideas public and permanent. We step back and wait and take a breather and sleep on it, we decide it best to refrain—to hold back and exercise discretion. This little trick can also be used out on the forums. Davidt gave me some advice not long ago. I hope he doesn't mind me quoting him here and now. He said, "Try not to post when you are emotional." That is some great advice, no? And if we all followed suit, the forums would be a little sweeter I gather.
But looking out there... just a few moments ago, they actually DO look sweeter... kinder and gentler. What is up with that? My guess is that people have been monitoring themselves. Censoring. Self-censoring, that is. Exercising a little self control—impulse control. Our first impulse is to react. Best to not react but to reflect first. Secret blog posts are all about reflection. And editing. We can all be editors. It is not easy, I know. But dang, I already feel a little less toxic by keeping away from the garbage. And producing less myself.
PS - For those that find the forums dull without all the fighting and melodrama, go turn on the TV and watch a soap or a reality program. Solo is not a circus with clowns to entertain you. It isn't a show. If you find the place too boring for your liking, well you know what they say about bored folks?
Selfies. Match.com profiles. Forum comments. What do they all have in common? They are all about feedback—means to obtain sustenance for starving egos. And aren't we all starving, or at least hungry to some degree? Of course we are. Basic human psychology. The Internet is a wonderful arena to witness this phenomena manifested in full force.
Match.com profiles. Why do we create them? Maybe we want to meet someone. Or maybe we just want to get winks—little nods of approval that reassure us we are desirable to others—even strangers. Strangers who we don't necessarily find desirable ourselves. If they are hot, well that is a bonus, but not a necessity.
People post selfies for the winks as well. They don't do it to share a milestone or a sentimental moment. They do it for instant approval—feedback. Especially when these pics are the same type of pic over and over again— just the face looking into the camera. Same face. Same expression. Never changes. Do they want the same compliments each time? Faces are static. A pic of a face is not something that needs updated every day. It is not a dynamic idea or opinion. It is nothing new. There is no novelty to it. See a face once, and that pretty much satisfies most people's curiosities.
I believe that people who post selfies are erroneously thought to be secure with themselves—at least their looks. I think it is just the opposite. They are very insecure and need reassured that they are OK—often. Some need their fix daily. They get instant feedback when someone comments on their pic. Nobody is going to say something negative. The polite thing to do is to say something nice. Or say nothing at all. If they post a text comment, they may get negative feedback. That is a risk. A pic is the ticket to instant approval online. It's quick and easy. In contrast, writing something takes time and effort. And there is no guarantee anyone will read your words let alone comment on them. And even less a guarantee that they will make a positive remark.
People rarely fawn over written words, unless of course the writer is super witty. And there are a few of them out there, no doubt. I have seen these writers who write for an audience, 'hold court.' They produce the goods which earn them quick nods of approval from their 'fans.' Online comedians are no different. They post jokes, amusing videos, and images for the same reason—for approval. No one is immune, really. Everyone is an egoist. Because everyone has an ego. And we all want—need—to be noticed. No one wants to be invisible. And so, we all try to get attention by different means—by getting profile winks, posting selfies, writing witty posts, or posting funnies. Some even crave attention so badly that they misbehave as a means of getting attention. Seen this in action many times on Solo. It is a spectrum. Some need lots of stroking. Others need less. Where do you fall on the continuum?
No matter what the means, the end is the same—positive feedback. We are presenting something we want others to judge. But we only wish to be judged kindly. Do we really want the truth? No, we want the version of the truth we need to hear. Negative criticism would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it? It is not about wanting constructive criticism to grow as a person—to possibly better ourselves. It is about getting our egos stroked.
Stroke me, stroke me...
Thanks Steve for being my muse out on the forum. Your thread inspired this blog post.
*Update wit screenshots mid-post.
** Update 4/28/2014 near bottom of post.
Dear Pet Troll,
Who are you?
Let me ponder it while I listen to this classic.
So then... Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Well, who are you?
I really wanna know.
Tell me, who are you?
'Cause I really wanna know.
*4/18/2014 ~ Pet Troll is Morrithey.
Or read this post. One of his many user names...
PT hates me because my ex posted his address in the chatroom back in 2005 after he had posted our details there, contacted my ex's employer, and sent hate mail to our family members. He hates David because David allows 'fat shaming' on Solo. He wants censorship for others but not for himself. Why am I not surprised?
Pet Troll/Morrithey wanted me to think he was TBT, Viva, and Dave. Why did I not think it was Morrithey from the beginning? Because Occam's Razor. Think the obvious and simplest explanation first. Who didn't seem to like me on Solo? Who was smart enough to pull it off? Who had a motive? Who had I interacted with lately? What I forgot was that the person who had the biggest motive of all was the biggest troll in the history of Solo, who also is highly educated and intelligent and has a degree in IT. All the elements were right there.
Cat and mouse game is up. He wanted it to be up, I think. He was posting clues in the site suggestions forum.
Mystery Solved. He can continue to harass, stalk, and follow me around the forums. But now that I know who it is and even have a real life name to go with this person, he has lost his power. He really is my PET Troll now, literally.
Well, one thing we know for certain is that Pet Troll is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, of course. But he seems to have issues with 'gay shaming'. I wonder if he is in the closet about his sexual orientation IRL, like he is in the closet about his 'identity' here? Seems to be a man who likes to live in the shadows.
**Update 4/28/30. Pet Troll has been conspicuously absent from the forums for five days—ever since I outed him on 4/23. This is after he was trolling me non-stop, every single day, for over eight months. He is running sacred. He knows that I have his real name (posted in between the user name Morrithey and Lesbian Liberation in the first screenshot ^^^ above.) I have his hate emails, libelous Amazon book review which can be traced back to him, and proof he tried to hack into my Gmail account on April 21. Google now documents these things and notifies the account holder providing traceable details. It is all documented. I am sure his employer would love to hear what this git has been doing on the clock. I also have an arrest report for him.
Let's hope he is gone for good. It pays to have perseverance.
So much negativity. Some people can bring out the worst in me. Others can bring out the best. Women. They can be tough nuts to crack. Perhaps the stereotype of them being petty, catty, jealous, envious, and competitive with one another has some merit. As has been demonstrated here on Solo. Numerous times. I like women. I do. But I seem to become the target of their wrath, for some reason. Perhaps for those reasons previously mentioned. Whatever the case may be, I find this disheartening. But instead of focusing on this, here and now, I want to share a positive thing about female friendships. These are a rare and wonderful thing to be had, in my world. Something to be cherished, once found.
I feel very fortunate in these last months to have met a wonderful woman online. It was by chance really. No planets lined up. No wishes came true. Just chance. It could have just as easily gone the other way. It started on Facebook. I asked a woman to be my friend. We share many of the same Moz friends, so why not, I thought? Then after she accepted my request, we chatted a bit. And we found out we were both posters at Solo. She used to post regularly in the past, when I was not active—but had stopped. And now, I was active. So we never interacted there. But then after our correspondence on Facebook, she decided to have another look on Solo. And made some posts. Wow, was she intelligent, and witty, and funny as hell, I decided. I liked her personality right away. She was assertive, yet gracious. Classy, yet down to earth.
Then she started the Friendship Thread which was about female friendships, primarily. Through our posts, we realized we had so much in common. Our experiences with women and men were quite similar. We realized that although we were two anomalies—unlike the other women on the forum—at least we were like each other. So we were not freaks, after all. This was kind of a bonding moment, I think. And so we started emailing one another. And became fast friends. I can honestly say this is one of the nicest, most positive, friendships I have had in a long time. I am looking forward to the journey. Not worried at all about where I am going, just enjoying it day by day.
Trouble may love you. But I luvs you too!
See Part II.
Hand In Glove—Leslie—does the world revolve around you, my dear? Are all of my blog posts about you? Are ANY of them about you? Do you think you mean that much to me? You don't. And even though you seem to think I have been talking about you in my blog, I have not. All my posts, in fact, are about other people—people I DO interact with on the forums. You are invisible in the forums. You hardly post. You are a non-entity. You have no positive impact or negative one. That you believe you are affecting my thoughts and feelings, is humorous, to say the least.
That I am having to address you here, in my blog, is absurd. You have written three blog entries in the last month which attack me. You don't allow comments in your blog. So, I must reply here, now. Yes I read your blog posts. Ignore? Are you on ignore? Where did you get that impression? Oh, I know, you assumed, erroneously, that I was referring to you. Here is where your little paranoid trip began...
You think I put you on ignore for not answering a PM about reporting MA? Wrong. First off, the last PM I sent you was after your mom went in for her surgery. I asked how she was. You never replied. This was long after the PM about MA.
Regarding the PM about MA: When Misguided Angel started posting here, you informed me she had sent you some odd PMs—asking if you were Morrissey. This was back in October, I believe. Then she started sending others similar messages. And was posting strange, convoluted, and cryptic things on the forums. People were confused. She seemed like she was a troll or mentally ill. I reported—asked—David if she could be a troll. He said she did not seem to be one of the usual suspects. Then I started a thread—to let the posters know what she had been up to behind the scenes. Then it stopped. Miraculously she started posting like a normal person and has been doing so ever since. ???
So then, a whole month later—mid November, I sent you a PM about your mother. And that was the last time I initiated contact with you. I figured you wanted nothing to do with me. I respected that. I figured you did not like the content of my posts on the forums, as you have pointed out several times.
So anyhow, after my blog post which talked about ignoring posters, and my thoughts in general about Solo, you then wrote this...
Anyhow, then, out of the blue, you wrote this two days ago. It was obvious it was about me. And you have now admitted it was.
So, because I could not comment in your blog, and you do not respond to PMs, I could not address it through the usual channels. And I really did not want to write about it in my blog. (I don't like writing about this petty crap in it right now. I value each of my blog posts and like the way they fit together as a whole. I don't want it contaminated with ridiculous catty things.) I was left with no means of communicating with you. Or clearing up your faulty presumptions. Then I saw Misguided Angel's blog post...
You know how I feel about the free expression of ideas. You know that davidt also feels the same. You are free to use your voice to counterbalance things out. If you don't like the content, tone, etc. of my posts, you are free to make your own arguments or to refute mine with intelligent retorts. This place allows free expression for everyone, including you.
If you don't think Morrissey writes some lyrics and passages that can be considered misogynistic, then you don't. It is not your job or duty to control the content of these forums. People will always have opinions that you do not agree with—no matter where you go. You want to live in a bubble that is all sweet and Moz-positive? Where there is no criticism? No dissent? Where group-think rules supreme? This is not realistic or even healthy. The real world does not function this way. Why would you expect discussions on an Internet forum to?
You clearly have some control issues. You feel powerless over what others think and write. We are ALL powerless over others. You have two choices. Accept this fact and only worry about yourself and do not read posts by those whose views differ from your own—stay inside a carefully constructed filter bubble. Or, read the posts and challenge them. Write intelligent, witty retorts.
You could be a challenging voice. But you choose not to for various reasons i.e. lack of time, ambition, ability. All three? Probably. It is not my fault if you don't offer your opinions/views. I am passionate about ideas and enjoy sharing them with others. And I have every right to be here—as much as you do. You don't get to decide who is worthy of being here and who isn't. Or who is a 'real' fan, and who isn't.
I'd appreciate you put me on ignore and not read my posts in the forums if they upset you. Only you can control what you read. I will continue to be myself and say what I think, regardless of your opinion of me.
You are free to address my post in the comments section. I DO allow comments. Most blogs do. It allows for discussion—a dialogue—to take place, not just a one-way street—monologue.
See Part II.
Almost 600 blog entries
Listening to thread
The past is the past.
Today is a fresh start.
This is now the time for resolution.
Start of my fifth book: realitybites Resolution.
Book four is being assembled now...
Should have a link to it later today.
All books can be downloaded for free from my Box. They are in PDF format. Links to books.
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