Through Tears

This year I`ve barely left the house unless it`s for a doctor`s appointment or sometimes to do a bit of shopping. It`s really hard for me to leave the house sometimes. I really haven`t had much to look forward to this year. I`m merely existing at the moment. I`ve also dealt with some physical medical issues this year that go with my usual mental health ones.

It`s loud inside of my head and I feel like I don`t have much peace in my life. My Mom is ill, and I hate writing this because it just makes it so real, but she is having a harder time getting around and she got dizzy and fell again yesterday. The disease she has is evil and I hate what it`s doing to her. My dad is a Vietnam veteran whom we believe has PTSD and won`t get help for it. He shows it by getting frustrated and angry. My sisters help a lot, but they have their own families too. It is by no way all on me. My sisters take me to my doctor`s appointments and my little sister has been the one to take me to see Morrissey all these years. I have my pets and they also give me reasons for marching on. They depend on me.

These past few years have been really hard. Life has been particularly hard since I became ill. My Mom is the one who urged me to get help and was there when I needed her, and she still is. It feels like the roles have become reversed. I look out for her now to make sure she doesn`t fall or hurt herself. I remember the days she used to bandage my scraped knees. The tears are streaming down my face now just thinking about her not being with us anymore. Since I was a kid that`s aways been my worst nightmare. I can`t imagine a world without her. That was so hard to write because like I said before it just makes it more real. She is the best Mom and my best friend and I don`t want anything bad to happen to her. I really can`t imagine a world without her.

Time has marched on, and I remember how things were before illness and aging. It wasn`t all good but it wasn`t all bad either. We had good times like family vacations and just spending time together. I really want something to look forward to and I want my Mom to get better. I still have hope but I feel like it`s running out little by little.


You are not alone, Tibbs. I feel the same way about my mom. She’s everything to me and I watch her age more and more everyday. It’s tough. I can’t imagine a world without my mom, either. I’m right there with you.
Hang in there , Tibbs - it can't be easy keeping an ear open at all times for the possibility of your mum falling but you're there for her and I hope that brings both of you some comfort ...
Thanks for your kind words HIG and 123xyz.

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