The Scars Still Linger

I recently celebrated my birthday and got to thinking about time and the things I`ve been through. My twenties were not good in fact I think they were a nightmare because that`s when I started getting ill. It first manifested itself by torturing me with bad, untreated OCD. I suffered in silence with that because I was afraid, they would think I was crazy. I guess I was right. I went through an eating disorder and self-harm.

I was looking at my scars and I can`t believe what I`ve done to myself. I can see the marks made by broken glass, razor blades, scissors and matches and lighters. Those are the things I`ve harmed myself with. Do I regret it? Yes, I hate my ugly scars and no, that`s what I did to survive that time in my life.

The illness makes my life difficult. The meds and their side effects. The racing thoughts, the insomnia. I have a difficult time falling asleep at night because my mind is just racing. I get so tired sometimes of all of it. But I am grateful for the things I do have and the comfort they bring me when I need them.

My physical health problems last year didn`t make my depression any better. But I did get two lovable balls of sunshine with my two new Chihuahua puppies thanks to my cousin. I waited to get another dog after my beloved Chihuahua passed away. I miss him so much.

I hope things do get better this year.



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Comments

Tubby - I remember those days quite well and what you were going through with self harm. It always really scared me. But you made it through that time in your life and those scars remind you everyday that you are strong and you won that battle. ❤️
 
Tubby - I remember those days quite well and what you were going through with self harm. It always really scared me. But you made it through that time in your life and those scars remind you everyday that you are strong and you won that battle. ❤️
I typed this in the dark and was half asleeep. Tibby turned to Tubby automatically on my phone and I did not catch it. Sheesh. I’m sorry!
 
I typed this in the dark and was half asleeep. Tibby turned to Tubby automatically on my phone and I did not catch it. Sheesh. I’m sorry!
That`s totally ok HIG. Thank you for your truly kind comments. :):)
 
Tubby - I remember those days quite well and what you were going through with self harm. It always really scared me. But you made it through that time in your life and those scars remind you everyday that you are strong and you won that battle. ❤️
Thank you HIG. Your support and kindness have meant so much to me through the years we`ve known known each other here on Moz solo. Again, thank you for your very kind comments.:):)
 
I'm really glad the two little pups bring you such pleasure and that you kept posting here throughout all those years in question ...:)
 
Thank you 123xyz. I really appreciate that. :) :)
 

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Tibby
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