Success is the Only Revenge I Seek

I am not superstitious and I certainly think Karma is bunk. But something makes me hesitate shouting at the top of my lungs, "life is good," out of fear that I will jinx myself—that the hubris police will come cracking down and put me back in my miserable place. Maybe I am simply not used to success. It feels different. I feel vulnerable. Could I lose it all in a moment's notice?

I should feel I deserve this chance at greatness. Haven't I suffered enough? I don't want to be a victim anymore. I honestly believe as long as you take on that role you will be limited. You can't be a winner and a loser at the same time. Attitude is everything. Letting go of grudges and past hurts is essential. What was, is no longer so. Move the f*** on.

For the first time in a very long time I have financial security, nice clothes, a great apartment, a car that is paid for, serenity, a great relationship with my mother and son, and a future. I really will be going to England soon. And to Spain—a foodie's paradise.

If I go to England, who will I go with? Where will I stay? For how long? What cities will I visit? In the end will I be better off for going or just a little lighter on the cash?

I want to call my sister. I want her to be proud of my accomplishments. But I am not sure the news would be received well. Instead of being happy for me, I gather she may feel a hint of competitiveness and envy. It shouldn't be that way. I really wish it wasn't.

And so, there it is, I am happy, thriving, intellectually stimulated and fulfilled, busy, and can't wait to go back to work on Monday. I really love what I do now—for the first time, really. I think I found my calling—for now at least.

​
Success is the only revenge I seek.

Comments

No1uno
I think when you are truly successful, you take the knocks in stride more easily. I find that because of my good fortune, I am more inclined to strive for others as well, so they can see it and grab a piece of their own. Sing it, if it's the product of your work. I truly think misery can only want others in misery. Happiness, if that is gauged as success, will foster that in others. Being a light that can't be brushed aside by aggression that is disguised as feigned support. This may be a very fun time ahead for you. This is about the only thing I've related to in your writing.

Success has a price and responsibility to others as equals. No one is lesser. They all deserve it. Hence you, I and even someone I might not like, deserves it.
 
scumbag
This was good to read!! I think if you were less apprehensive about the changes occurring for you and by you, then something would be wrong. Change is usually stressful, even if it's positive change.

I'm not very successful, by any means, but I do think it's helpful for anyone to be able to define success by his/her own terms. If that means having five cars and two houses, I find that a bit odd personally. If it means, in my case, getting published more, then that's fine too.

Hope you're staying cooler than I am in Tuc-Town......

Best,

S.
 
realitybites
No1uno;bt4706 said:
I think when you are truly successful, you take the knocks in stride more easily. I find that because of my good fortune, I am more inclined to strive for others as well, so they can see it and grab a piece of their own. Sing it, if it's the product of your work. I truly think misery can only want others in misery. Happiness, if that is gauged as success, will foster that in others. Being a light that can't be brushed aside by aggression that is disguised as feigned support. This may be a very fun time ahead for you. This is about the only thing I've related to in your writing.

Success has a price and responsibility to others as equals. No one is lesser. They all deserve it. Hence you, I and even someone I might not like, deserves it.
Click to expand...

I was just wondering where you have been. I have always appreciated your positive "can do" spirit. It is refreshing and rare. There is so much negativity out there.
 
realitybites
scumbag;bt4707 said:
This was good to read!! I think if you were less apprehensive about the changes occurring for you and by you, then something would be wrong. Change is usually stressful, even if it's positive change.

I'm not very successful, by any means, but I do think it's helpful for anyone to be able to define success by his/her own terms. If that means having five cars and two houses, I find that a bit odd personally. If it means, in my case, getting published more, then that's fine too.

Hope you're staying cooler than I am in Tuc-Town......

Best,

S.
Click to expand...

I agree that success is not about the mass accumulation of material objects. For me it is about reaching one's full potential. Utilizing one's talents and strengths for the good of society. It is about achieving one's goals and striving for greatness--however one defines it. I am not wealthy. But my life feels rich--full, rather than empty.

It is getting hot here. I'm going to be down in Phoenix on Tuesday. I gather it is as hot there as it is in Tucson. Enjoyed your last poems very much. Thanks for sharing them.
 
My Only Weakness
It is so true that whatever identity one takes on, it tends to manifest itself.
I don't think you can be a victim if you survived.
You're just a survivor, then.
It's like you said, you can't be the loser if you won.
And if someone or something is trying to take you out and fails, YOU WIN!
I totally know what you mean about trying to balance not being superstitious with this immense fear that allowing yourself to enjoy the feeling of success is going to immediately invite disaster of Dicken's proportions! I can't really work out how to explain the often, very strong primitive inclinations I find in direct defiance of my (normally) rational mind! It could be just that, primitive, instinctual behaviour that is built in to keep us from becoming over satisfied with our lot and not continuing to strive for better. An anti-complacency instinct.
You know, it's so easy for us to forget who we are, genetically, and how short the distance is in time between us and those ancestors who didn't have a complex language much less a fixed address. When you consider time in the vast, infinite scope in which it exists, humans are not only recent additions, but also sort of a fluke. We got lucky and had mad success as a species, more than likely, thanks to some other happy coinky dink that just happened to work in our favour. So, maybe you and I can let ourselves off the hook now and again. We can't control biology! haha
Enjoy it! It'll be alright!
(The Karma Police come screeching up in the back ground)
"We had a report of some bunk karma...."
 
My Only Weakness
realitybites;bt4709 said:
I was just wondering where you have been. I have always appreciated your positive "can do" spirit. It is refreshing and rare. There is so much negativity out there.
Click to expand...

I had been wondering where he'd got off to as well!
You managed to dislodge him and he spoke!!
haha
Heeey no1weno!!!!
 
realitybites
My Only Weakness;bt4714 said:
I had been wondering where he'd got off to as well!
You managed to dislodge him and he spoke!!
haha
Heeey no1weno!!!!
Click to expand...

Haha. I knew I was good for something. :p
 
realitybites
My Only Weakness;bt4712 said:
It is so true that whatever identity one takes on, it tends to manifest itself.
I don't think you can be a victim if you survived.
You're just a survivor, then.
It's like you said, you can't be the loser if you won.
And if someone or something is trying to take you out and fails, YOU WIN!
I totally know what you mean about trying to balance not being superstitious with this immense fear that allowing yourself to enjoy the feeling of success is going to immediately invite disaster of Dicken's proportions! I can't really work out how to explain the often, very strong primitive inclinations I find in direct defiance of my (normally) rational mind! It could be just that, primitive, instinctual behaviour that is built in to keep us from becoming over satisfied with our lot and not continuing to strive for better. An anti-complacency instinct.
You know, it's so easy for us to forget who we are, genetically, and how short the distance is in time between us and those ancestors who didn't have a complex language much less a fixed address. When you consider time in the vast, infinite scope in which it exists, humans are not only recent additions, but also sort of a fluke. We got lucky and had mad success as a species, more than likely, thanks to some other happy coinky dink that just happened to work in our favour. So, maybe you and I can let ourselves off the hook now and again. We can't control biology! haha
Enjoy it! It'll be alright!
(The Karma Police come screeching up in the back ground)
"We had a report of some bunk karma...."
Click to expand...

We are, without a doubt, our own worst enemies. I am the slave master cracking the whip. I've been told often to be kind to myself. To nurture myself. I mostly take the opposite route and drive myself to the edge. Suffering seems more natural than tranquility. Maybe you and I come from warrior stock. Hehe.
 
My Only Weakness
realitybites;bt4716 said:
We are, without a doubt, our own worst enemies. I am the slave master cracking the whip. I've been told often to be kind to myself. To nurture myself. I mostly take the opposite route and drive myself to the edge. Suffering seems more natural than tranquility. Maybe you and I come from warrior stock. Hehe.
Click to expand...

Absolutely!
You already know!
My family's last name comes from a chieftain who took the name IN battle, on a field, because of a "sign"!
Not only rooted in superstition and divine privilege, but held on to that wealth and passed it to heir and heiress for 1500 years. I reckon that's way past the length of time it takes to embed a personality trait into genetics. And obviously, clinging onto what they had was very important to all of them! I laughed hysterically reading your initial entry because I reach to knock wood anytime I say something is going ok, and it doesn't even matter. It's like the bloody universe hears and has it in for me and the split second that I say it's all good, it's all over.
I don't know what on Earth to make of it, but that is just how it is. Haha!
Oh, I can smile about it now, but at the time, it was terrible.
If I wasn't laughing, I would certainly cry.
I don't care how thick or backwards it makes me look, I ain't sayin' if things is goin' my way.
But, hey, you go 'head.
(just cross your fingers behind your back!)
lol
 
scumbag
driving yourself to the edge? my kinda gal! I just pictured us in a re-make of Thelma and louise! hahahaha
 
realitybites
My Only Weakness;bt4718 said:
Absolutely!
You already know!
My family's last name comes from a chieftain who took the name IN battle, on a field, because of a "sign"!
Not only rooted in superstition and divine privilege, but held on to that wealth and passed it to heir and heiress for 1500 years. I reckon that's way past the length of time it takes to embed a personality trait into genetics. And obviously, clinging onto what they had was very important to all of them! I laughed hysterically reading your initial entry because I reach to knock wood anytime I say something is going ok, and it doesn't even matter. It's like the bloody universe hears and has it in for me and the split second that I say it's all good, it's all over.
I don't know what on Earth to make of it, but that is just how it is. Haha!
Oh, I can smile about it now, but at the time, it was terrible.
If I wasn't laughing, I would certainly cry.
I don't care how thick or backwards it makes me look, I ain't sayin' if things is goin' my way.
But, hey, you go 'head.
(just cross your fingers behind your back!)
lol
Click to expand...

I love the way your mind works. And your sense of humor. :)
 
Violeta
"hubris police"

I like that, haha!

"darling, please don't make me call the hubris police on you..."

More power to you, life is to be lived :)
 
realitybites
Violeta;bt4722 said:
"hubris police"

I like that, haha!

"darling, please don't make me call the hubris police on you..."

More power to you, life is to be lived :)
Click to expand...

Why thank you darlin'. :)
 
No1uno
realitybites;bt4709 said:
I was just wondering where you have been. I have always appreciated your positive "can do" spirit. It is refreshing and rare. There is so much negativity out there.
Click to expand...

Ms. Reality, You'd better just watch that sweet sass mouth of yours. Any more talk like this and you'll have to immediately head to ulta for some blue blush and eyeshadow.

Hello Ms weakness. In my absence I'm developing strength beyond measure.

Violeta, hand raised in toast, welcome, we await to hear the adventure of your travels.


We are all "bruised internally, eternally", but that does not take away life, it adds the flavor of the feast.
 
realitybites
No1uno;bt4726 said:
Ms. Reality, You'd better just watch that sweet sass mouth of yours. Any more talk like this and you'll have to immediately head to ulta for some blue blush and eyeshadow.
Click to expand...

I wear blue on the outside 'cause blue is how I feel on the inside. :p
 
No1uno
realitybites;bt4727 said:
I wear blue on the outside 'cause blue is how I feel on the inside. :p
Click to expand...

And if I seem a little strange, well that's because I am. :lbf:
 
My Only Weakness
realitybites;bt4727 said:
I wear blue on the outside 'cause blue is how I feel on the inside. :p
Click to expand...


clever clogs, there you go again!
Yes, glasses in the air, be usptanding please, for the right honourable writers brigade!!
hey ya'll.
 

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