Never mind things can only improve....

I find myself in limbo... I've taken a leap from one lily pad and am soaring towards the next and i'm frozen mid leap.

I got a new job, quit my old one, squeezed in a nice vacation, found out that my new job has delayed my start date for a week and here i am.... In between jobs.... Feeling kinda useless and shiftless and jobless.... A feeling i should be enjoying.... But can't quite.... I'm learning though.

I've had a job non stop since i was 14.... I lied about my age at that time and got a job filing papers at a car dealership.... Nearly 20 years later, the longest i've had off was when i spent 6 weeks in poland in '99....
The time in between jobs right now is going to be around 3 weeks... 9 days were spent in honduras. That was quite all right...
Upon returning and finding out that i have an extra week and a day off, most people are telling me things like, "wow! Lucky you!" Except to me it feels kind of scary...
I'm trained and institutionalized to be a worker bee.... Free time scares me.... I dont want to fall into depression or anxiety....
The nerves of starting a new job after 11 years at the old one, the interruption of plans, change...all that used to be easier to deal with.
Good thing i bought some honduran xanax i suppose.... There if i need it.

So i've been filling my days.
Talking on the phone.... Running errands that have long been overdue.... Im hoping to clear out a few closets....
I just worry about feeling isolated or kind of 'off'.
My vacation was spent with no tv, radio, alarm clock , schedule or agenda..... 9 days of reading in a hammock, swimming, walking, fresh air and sunshine.
And now back to the 'real' world and feeling very much in a twilight zone type place.... Neither here nor there.... Awaiting newness with a mix of excitement and dread that alternates depending on the time of day....

The lesson here: never stay in one job for 11 years unless you love it or something.... The longer you don't change, the harder it becomes.... In the meantime, i'm going to try to embrace and enjoy my unexpected week and a day of freedom....

And we just can't wait to make more mistakes and to fluff our breaks and to stuff our faces with cake....

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