Mind Over Time

Before I'd ever had a chemically induced surreal experience, I recall life striking me as incredibly odd.
On a fairly regular basis.
I put it down to being a child and that everything was pretty weird anyway, so,
I never really thought a great deal about it. I just enjoyed it since I couldn't change it.
I wasn't one of those kids that panicked when the round-about went too fast.
On the swings, I would swing as high as I could then, JUMP!
Even giving birth didn't make me fearful.
It made me fierce.
It's losing control, even if only a delusional control, of particular things, that ever made me panic.
I was physically ill, so the panic was generating mostly from that.
I am well. I no longer panic.
But, the thing is, sometimes I feel like I should.
Sometimes I feel like I ought to be freaking the f*** out and that this facade we all wear, acting like everything's gonna be alright, is our contract with death.
It promises our demise in every way that matters.
I am in a somber, Wintertime place. I love these kinds of days.
When you just feel like some Moz, or Interpol, and some momentary melancholy, mind over time.

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