Into the sea, you and me

I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
- T. S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

I've always been obsessed with sirens. Even as a little girl, when all my friends had "normal" dolls, I had all the fishtail dolls. Red hair, green and blue tails. And even though I can't swim, the obsession also includes the sea. My favorite song from Morrissey is "Seasick, Yet Still Docked". My favorite song from The Cure is "From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea". My favorite song from Tim Buckley is "Song to the Siren". You catch the drift. The idea that there is a place on this earth where you can sink, hear no sounds and where you can die because of water, the essence of life, has its appeal. But I think the main thing I like about sirens is the legend and how much it resembles life. Sirens sing to get ships to crash, life sings to get you to die. They lure you not to exist.

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Isn't she beautiful?​

How tempting is it not to exist? How tempting is it when you are just as absurd as the waves crashing incessantly against the shore?

Yet Kafka said one can escape the siren's song, but never its silence. The things going through the filter of our senses seem far less threatening. We can cover our ears, obstruct our vision, curl up under myriads of blankets and expecting nothing other than death. But how does one escape the silence? Life is the ocean. Angry, blue, controlling. I am a ship. Frail, mimicking strength, radars broken. The death wish is the quiet song of the siren, you can't hear it, but it's always there, full of promises.

I like sirens. And escapism.


Another inspiring blog post.

It is tempting to not exist. To be free of pain, suffering, angst. But being the narcissist I am, I think how much I will be missed. I empathize with the pain my loved ones will experience if were suddenly gone, forever. This sad thought keeps me plugging along. If not for me, then for them.

I don't think we exist inside a vacuum. We are not islands of one. Even if it feels like it at times. We are connected to others. We are interdependent. These connections give our lives meaning. But they also obligate us to one another. A social contract exists between us and others. We have a duty to live. Suicide violates this social contract. So while I think it is OK to think about not existing, it is not OK to act on these thoughts. Even when this struggle seems futile, as if we are swimming upstream and getting nowhere, we must continue to strive for hope and meaning.
This is lovely. You remind me of a long lost friend, she sent me that quote when we wrote letters, years ago...for a second I thought maybe you were her...

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