I`m Not Happy And I Am Sad

I feel numb. I`m not sure if it`s the meds or not. I feel empty inside. I don`t seem capable of much these days. I look in the mirror and all I see is emptiness in my eyes. My body feels exhausted all the time. This illness takes so much from me. I don`t see my purpose in life. I don`t feel alive.

I do have things I am grateful for like my family. It isn`t perfect but whose is? I feel guilty for feeling so down. I know that there are people that have it much harder than me. But I guess that mental illness doesn`t care who you are. It takes whoever it wants down . I don`t know if it would matter much if I`d never been born. I`m not married. I don`t have any children. Do I matter? I don`t know. All I know is I`m tired of feeling like this. I`m surrounded by my family but sometimes I feel so alone.

I do love my family and would never do anything to hurt them. I sometimes just feel like I don`t have anything left to give anymore. I`ve been living like this for a very long time and sometimes I don`t know if I can stand it one more minute. I keep going because I don`t want to hurt anyone. I just feel so useless and like I don`t deserve anything. It`s an awful thing to be tormented by your own thoughts. I want to know what it feels like to be free of this. I just want to be free.


Some things don't go away, they may get some perspective, but they don't disappear. Hang in there.
Thanks No1uno. I am trying to hang on.

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