I feel lonely

I can't decide if that's a good thing. This is the first time I've felt genuine depression in a while. I'm telling myself that its a good thing because I'm in touch with my emotions instead of being the little robot that I've been.

I've cried some yesterday, and I cried some today at work. Not huge tears. Just enough to wet the eyes, and at more of a steady stream like a drippy faucet than busted dam.

I want to fit in, but I feel like I've become sort of crusted over with inadequacy to where I'm afraid of letting anyone in.

Yes, welcome to the old days. I used to feel a dark cloud a lot. Now its here, and I'm surprised because I thought I had beat it.

Welcome, old feelings.
Put your hand upon my visage
Then let your finger draw down the desert of my neck
My stoic face tells you that I don't mind.
And when you grasp me and draw me nearer
That little half syllable that leaves my lips
Is the admission that I've lost everything.


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Currer Bell
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