i can sink much lower than usual...

ugh - I didn't know how good I had it.... I used to get depressive moods, periods, whatever. And those weren't great, but they weren't debilitating. they weren't very scary.... they were just low moods, dark periods, that lingered for a while and then lifted.
Anxiety on the other hand, really sucks.
I'd been flippant when people talked of anxiety issues.... no more. it's debilitating and scary is what it is.
I think anxiety is happening to me because it's depression plus stress - in my case, that equals anxiety.
Rationally, i know that my stress is stupid (it's work related) and i know that physically there's nothing wrong with me (thanks to the kind e.r. people when I checked in thinking I was dying) - so in theory, I should be ok. but every now and again, i get a real, physical reaction and I think i'm gonna die. My heart pounds, i feel like i'm gonna pass out, my hands shake...
I'm having trouble sitting through meetings some days.... going to relative's houses.... driving.... it's wierd. and it's getting ridiculous.
I'm having trouble drinking nowadays (and that's where I draw the line - I mean - come on...) but a hangover these days is me, nauseaus, dizzy, lying on the couch unable to move with my heart pounding out of my chest. And this lasts for hours... sundays have become scary (since i've limited my drinking to the weekends only - saturday nights are my night to imbibe). i can't even leave the house on days like that - and then as evening falls, the fact that I've been indoors and stagnant ALL day makes me anxious....
insomnia - never knew the meaning of the word. i was always asleep before my head ever hit the pillow..... nowadays, i never know. Some days I sleep fine, other days I've got racing thoughts that i can't turn off and i toss and turn for hours.

maye i'm getting old?
i dunno... i'm taking herbal concoctions for now and they seem to help but they're not completely reliable.... i'll hang in there though.
Yesterday I had an episode at work just after eating lunch... i popped my herbs and went for a walk in the hallways. I thought I was going to pass out... the carpeted floors seemed closer than usual.... i started getting angry.... i yelled at myself in my head - "just f*cking pass out already if that's what you're gonna do... who cares?!" and it slowly eased...
I just hate that I feel physically ill and that i have a real physical reaction to stupid irrational sh*t in my head. I know better than this... I don't care about my job so why am i letting them get to me? ugh...
and I can't even pinpoint what triggers it - all I know is suddenly, I'm drowning.

I need other things in my life - work has tipped the scales in one direction with nothing fun being added to the other side.
in other news - life trundles on...

I'm trying to increase my exercise but my mind is not having it.... i try to do 4 miles a day, mon-fri. it's finally getting warm enough to run outside soon and that always helps since it's like meditation. but i'm just going through the motions at this point. I can't get to that phase where I'm really enjoying working out and giving it my all...

I've downloaded amy macdonald's new album - i love running to her.
but even with running, in the back of my head, i'm thinking i'm gonna be one of those people that drops dead running... black cloud :)

Comments

Paxil helped me a great deal with the same issues. If I needed it again I'd probably consider one of the newer meds like Lexapro. Just a thought if the herb ones end up not doing the trick for you.
 
i may have to give in and get something (she says on bad days - on good days i think - I don't need no stinkin' pills!)
I'm currently taking Valerian pretty much daily as well as passionflower drops during times when it's happening more often. I also have ashwagandha with me and these little tiny capsules that are called gelsemium sempervirens which are for immediate use.
Frankly, it's all a placebo affect i think, but whatever, sometimes it really works... i just have to remember to take stuff regularly and when I'm feeling better i stop remembering to take stuff.
i've also increased my magnesium and i take fish oil every day...
but i'm due for a physical so i'm gonna tell my dr to give me something that's not an everyday thing... a friend of mine has something like lexapro, (or maybe starts with an 'm'?) something that he takes on occasion... it's a melt-in-the-mouth type thing so you don't even need water.
anyway - thanks for the comment and advice... sorry to hear you had similar experiences... good to know it can go away...
 
Paxil (what I took) is a first generation SSRI. One of it's side effect that I got was sudden weight gain (~40lbs within a few months of starting it). It took me several years to figure it out though. Lexapro is a second generation SSRI with fewer side effects. The folks that I know who had very bad anxiety and started Lexapro say it's really helped. Both are daily meds though that you need to keep a consistent level of in your body. The half-life is pretty short so if you skip 2 doses you start some pretty significant withdrawal symptoms. I wouldn't suggest either for spot use.

Lorazepam is an amazingly effective spot med that I took when things were just over the top. It works super fast. The problem is that it's extremely addictive. Once you get addicted it takes more and more of it to actually work (like heroin does I guess). I think my Dr said that if I was using it more than once every week or two then that would be too much.

I took Paxil for 3-4 years with spot use of Lorazepam (monthly or less). At some point I decided to give it a go without these since I really hadn't had any anxiety issues for a year or so and I'd figured out the weight gain side effect. It took 4-5 months to get off Paxil as I tried to minimize the withdrawal symptoms, which not everyone has but I really really had. It's been 4 months now and all seems well. If I had symptoms start again I'd opt for the Lexapro.

Still, this is all just sort of general background info for you if you decide things get too out of hand and you start thinking of prescription meds instead. Hopefully your remedies carry you through to the other side and you can put it behind you. If not, this is just a note to let you know that there might be other things to try.
 
thanks for the info...
i'm going to look into it when i go for my checkup. I need to get that scheduled soon....

the withdrawal stuff is all very interesting to me - mr lost was on an antidepressant a few years back and he had some strange withdrawal symptoms that we looked up, and apparently a lot of people have -they called them 'brain zaps' online and he said that's exactly what they felt like. He also had some memory issues...
like you said, some people get symptoms more, some less....

one thing i definitely want to do is start taking notes to see if I can find a pattern of what sets it off. This weekend for example, i felt the icy fingers of anxiety start to take hold (hahaha) on two separate occasions and then it passed as soon as it started. i was able to talk myself down... so today i'm feeling all right... until the next time....
 
too much information is my middle name :)
thanks for the info - i looked into it and i'm intrigued... a lot of what they say applies. In the past, i've specifically googled 'racing heart after eating' since a bunch of times, my anxiety kicked up after a large-ish meal.
I also have consulted dr google on extreme thirst and anxiety - the one day that i ended up going to the emergency room i was soooooo thirsty - i had mr lost bring me cups of water as i was sitting there. i couldn't drink enough of it... i thought maybe i was lightheaded because of dehydration but the dr told me that i didn't have any dehydration symptoms. I still get very thirsty on days that my anxiety is high - i also get flushed but have chills... worse after alcohol, light sensitivity and overstimulation... yup...
oh and I definitely have issues upon sudden standing - everyone gets a bit lightheaded but there are times i can feel blood pooling or feel extreme pounding... the only thing I wonder is if this POTS can be sort of on and off - since days go by where i feel normal and then then a couple of days are really bad.
I'll definitely bring this up when i go in for my next checkup...

i don't know what's worse - having mental problems or physical problems :) but again, thanks for the info - i'd never heard of this before....
 
everybody's lost;bt1606 said:
mr lost was on an antidepressant a few years back and he had some strange withdrawal symptoms that we looked up, and apparently a lot of people have -they called them 'brain zaps' online and he said that's exactly what they felt like.

I got those really bad. Like an electrical frequency that zipped back and forth between my ears but traveling along the curve of my head. Those were the worst. I found that reducing the dose in smaller increments helped with that.
 

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