I have been in a media blackout state because I can't manage coming out of a haze into clarity taking in all the bad news. I just feel the hole in my stomach forming, the ulcer I know I will inevitably worry into myself one day from worrying about all the variables in the environment that I cannot control.
The things that vex me most are public safety and which of the two countries I can choose from now would be safer to raise my children,
public transportation and who wants to blow us to SMITHereens, and deadly diseases. Foreign and Domestic.
It seems, these days, Foreign IS Domestic. With travel so easy and everyone bebopping around the planet, it only takes a day for a sick person in Africa to infect 150 or more people on a plane and then the mushroom cloud just blooms from there.
I can't read the news anymore.
And this is how Morrissey's cancer mention is left unrecognized by me until tonight. First, Mom, now Moz. Why is everyone getting cancer? Virtually every death in the town where I grew up is cancer, at least people we know. But so many more we don't. It's thanks to Monsanto and pcb's. Polychorinated biphenyls. I have been exposed, so I suppose it's just a matter of time until I get to find out which system of mine was hit.
By exposure or genetics, I am looking at about a 75% chance of some form. It's 50/50 from Mom, I could or could not have the gene, might have the gene and not get breast cancer, might not have the gene and yet end up with cancer. That to me makes knowing whether or not I carry the gene only relevant to my boys and what they might have inherited from me and pass along to their children.
Honestly, I am so f***ing angry I can't see straight.
I know I should be positive about things.
That's how my Mom is still living and in remission from 4 different kinds of cancer. She never took pain medication and still stayed so positive. She is neither afraid to die nor given to self-pity or anxiety.
I think a fair amount of neuraligic pain in cancer is generated from severe anxiety about death. She was nauseous, and had all the other side-effects of treatment, but she only had something for pain after the radical mastectomy and lymphoidectomy. Thereafter, she just bore up like a trooper. I have so much respect and admiration for my Mother. She is loveliness personified. I wish I could be more like her.
I am her Mother and my Father in temperment and disposition.
Looks as well. Daddy's looks and Nanny's Celtic side. Whingeing and moaning come quite naturally to me.
I am forever persecuted and I climb up on my own little cross on a regular basis. Back of hand to the forehead, melodramatic, woe is me.
I feel beyond entitled to do so.
WHY is something always busy f***ing up LIFE?
WHY do I take that so personally?
HOW do I stop being this way?
I think I'm just wired this way, it's like a reflex instead of a thought process. I always handle more than I ever imagine I could, but we as humans do. Far be it from me in my cushy life, to piss and moan about everything.
It's not so much me that I care about though. My ostensibly self-destructive nature would dictate it is not for myself that I ever worry.
I am worried about what my kids will have to deal with and be prepared to survive in the World as it reveals it's hostility to us. Not just people, the elements, war, and disease, but the whole lot of messed up stuff.
As for Morrissey, the term "scraped" makes me think it could be one of a number of things that would be referred to as "scraped".
It could be a couple of different types of cancer from skin cancer to something he caught that he might "be ashamed of", that morphs into cancer. It's fairly common amongst a certain persuasion. Scrapings are superficial. And he hasn't had to have rads, he hasn't lost his hair. So, we can gather from that a few things as well.
There are types of leukemia that don't threaten your life, but you wouldn't have scrapings from those. It's just that word, he used it because someone in the medical field referred to the procedures as such. It's quite specific.
Just speculation, but, medically educated speculation.
I haven't seen him live yet, I have to do it now.
I sold an expensive refrigerator for next to nothing to a rich bitch from Mountain Brook in Birmingham when we lived on Red Mountain years ago just to catch the first Grateful Dead show in the city after a 13 year ban. It would be the last year of Jerry Garcia's life and that night and the afterglow will forever remain one of the defining moments of my existence. A Dead show, though not my sort of music, was my sort of vibe. I'm not a fan of jam bands, 45 minute drum solos and I didn't get down on the floor with the stinky twirlers or anything like that. What did happen was a guy came up and asked to smoke out with us so we let him and he gave me one of the strongest, cleanest LSD tabs I have ever had in my efforts to see Hoffman's and Leary's world. It was unbelievably amazing. The colours, the sound bending around the venue, visibly, rifts in the space-time continuum forming and me seeing through doors and around corners and all sorts of things my brain doesn't perceive about reality in this frame of consciousness. The effects of LSD on the frontal cortex and it's perfect binding with seratonin receptors, locking into the receptor like a key and sitting there for twelve hours or more, it so totally says what researchers have been prohibited from discovering through normal scientific exploration for a long time.
It changes our perception to see what information we aren't taking in under normal states of consciousness. It's such a spiritual experience, it's like finally seeing things as they are instead of the usual, limited way our brains are wired to keep us from being distracted by all the sensory and cognitive information we by-pass to focus on the business of surviving. It is to become who you really are, in your true essence rather than what our brains weed out, filter, and ignore. Studies have resumed and the trip can be taken out by adding a bromide molecule to the lsd-25 and they have been able to treat the type of headaches I get. Terminating them for sufferers, where nothing else will do that. None of the other treatments offer 100% relief. The lovely, so called, "Suicide headaches". I don't think doctors should use that term.
I would never kill myself for lack of ability to suffer. I know how to suffer. And, obviously, there is some aspect of me that enjoys it since I seem to inflict such a load of it on myself!
I wonder if the bromide destroys the other effects. I want to know more about the patients in the control group and what their experiences are. I could possibly go to Sweden for the treatment, but I would have little hope of getting the NHS to take up the protocol.
They aren't in the business of curing anyone. Just guinea pigging you on far more dangerous, less tested, new drugs that, ten years down the road prove to cause all sorts of horrible things. And the drugs won't have had the desired effects at any point. So, I don't take drugs that haven't been known to medicine for a long time, (at least 40 years of tried, unvarying results). Forty years is plenty of time on the market to see long term effects emerge. This is why I trust things like morphine and a few others I will not bore you by enumerating.
Drugs. My life would have been hell without them. But, taking them and not allowing the underlying cause to fully declare itself for diagnosis, that an acute attack would have offered, had I had the ability to perceive one through the medication. All the gallbladder attacks I would get when I was not medicated seemed to me to be
a side effect of withdrawal. The difference between the two is minimal, so it was an easy thing to wrongly attribute to the absence of pain meds. I thought it was normal to puke pure bile, in an array of vile colours. It was what I had always done, and I was never closely acquainted with other people's sick, so I just assumed, you have bile in stomach, that's what comes out. NOPE!
If you are vomiting pure bile, you have a problem and need to get immediate medical attention.
I wasn't headed into endocrinology, I was genetic research orientated, so my time in medicine had a different focal point.
Physician, heal thyself!
Oh, I'm so tired of medical crap I could puke bile.
Ebola is wearing me out.
The result of improper interaction with animals.
Just like every other plague we've suffered in the battle for health and sanitation. It's why every vaccine has the blood of an animal in it somewhere. I think we could have found better preservatives than the neurotoxic thimerosol. Who thought injecting a human body with mercury was a good idea?
Tommy has not been vaccinated yet, and he has never been ill for more than a few days with an ear infection here and there. A cold here and there, and that is it. He fights everything off so effectively and I hate that I know he will be sicklier when I get him vaccinated.
We postpone, and follow certain rules of engagement until a full cognitive assessment has been established and the child is healthy and strong enough to sustain the assault of vaccinations. This is a method, approved by our GP due to my first three boys all having to have infected lymph nodes at vaccine injection sites surgically removed at the ages of two and three. Will was not vaccinated until the age of four. He has not had to have the surgery, and we will vaccinate this year with Tommy. His cognitive development is accelerated, so if there are any changes to that, we'll know what caused it. I hate to think about the catch 22 of vaccines. You are highly conflicted about injecting them with a disease and poisons, but modern medicine insists this is essential. Well, part of it does. The other part will tell you that just as many vaccinated individuals contract the diseases for which they are supposed to have immunity as any unvaccinated population. So, what's the point? Your chances of still getting the disease are just as high, if exposed, as if you had no vaccines. Stupid. This is true of things like measles and mumps, both highly survivable now. And they were not when the vaccines were created for them.
Things like oral polio vaccine, I have no issue with. There has been a modified, untreatable polio like virus cropping up in the US in California and few other places.
Oh, I have to stop. I am sure you won't mind.
So much for being positive.
This is Salford, we aren't optimistic.
The things that vex me most are public safety and which of the two countries I can choose from now would be safer to raise my children,
public transportation and who wants to blow us to SMITHereens, and deadly diseases. Foreign and Domestic.
It seems, these days, Foreign IS Domestic. With travel so easy and everyone bebopping around the planet, it only takes a day for a sick person in Africa to infect 150 or more people on a plane and then the mushroom cloud just blooms from there.
I can't read the news anymore.
And this is how Morrissey's cancer mention is left unrecognized by me until tonight. First, Mom, now Moz. Why is everyone getting cancer? Virtually every death in the town where I grew up is cancer, at least people we know. But so many more we don't. It's thanks to Monsanto and pcb's. Polychorinated biphenyls. I have been exposed, so I suppose it's just a matter of time until I get to find out which system of mine was hit.
By exposure or genetics, I am looking at about a 75% chance of some form. It's 50/50 from Mom, I could or could not have the gene, might have the gene and not get breast cancer, might not have the gene and yet end up with cancer. That to me makes knowing whether or not I carry the gene only relevant to my boys and what they might have inherited from me and pass along to their children.
Honestly, I am so f***ing angry I can't see straight.
I know I should be positive about things.
That's how my Mom is still living and in remission from 4 different kinds of cancer. She never took pain medication and still stayed so positive. She is neither afraid to die nor given to self-pity or anxiety.
I think a fair amount of neuraligic pain in cancer is generated from severe anxiety about death. She was nauseous, and had all the other side-effects of treatment, but she only had something for pain after the radical mastectomy and lymphoidectomy. Thereafter, she just bore up like a trooper. I have so much respect and admiration for my Mother. She is loveliness personified. I wish I could be more like her.
I am her Mother and my Father in temperment and disposition.
Looks as well. Daddy's looks and Nanny's Celtic side. Whingeing and moaning come quite naturally to me.
I am forever persecuted and I climb up on my own little cross on a regular basis. Back of hand to the forehead, melodramatic, woe is me.
I feel beyond entitled to do so.
WHY is something always busy f***ing up LIFE?
WHY do I take that so personally?
HOW do I stop being this way?
I think I'm just wired this way, it's like a reflex instead of a thought process. I always handle more than I ever imagine I could, but we as humans do. Far be it from me in my cushy life, to piss and moan about everything.
It's not so much me that I care about though. My ostensibly self-destructive nature would dictate it is not for myself that I ever worry.
I am worried about what my kids will have to deal with and be prepared to survive in the World as it reveals it's hostility to us. Not just people, the elements, war, and disease, but the whole lot of messed up stuff.
As for Morrissey, the term "scraped" makes me think it could be one of a number of things that would be referred to as "scraped".
It could be a couple of different types of cancer from skin cancer to something he caught that he might "be ashamed of", that morphs into cancer. It's fairly common amongst a certain persuasion. Scrapings are superficial. And he hasn't had to have rads, he hasn't lost his hair. So, we can gather from that a few things as well.
There are types of leukemia that don't threaten your life, but you wouldn't have scrapings from those. It's just that word, he used it because someone in the medical field referred to the procedures as such. It's quite specific.
Just speculation, but, medically educated speculation.
I haven't seen him live yet, I have to do it now.
I sold an expensive refrigerator for next to nothing to a rich bitch from Mountain Brook in Birmingham when we lived on Red Mountain years ago just to catch the first Grateful Dead show in the city after a 13 year ban. It would be the last year of Jerry Garcia's life and that night and the afterglow will forever remain one of the defining moments of my existence. A Dead show, though not my sort of music, was my sort of vibe. I'm not a fan of jam bands, 45 minute drum solos and I didn't get down on the floor with the stinky twirlers or anything like that. What did happen was a guy came up and asked to smoke out with us so we let him and he gave me one of the strongest, cleanest LSD tabs I have ever had in my efforts to see Hoffman's and Leary's world. It was unbelievably amazing. The colours, the sound bending around the venue, visibly, rifts in the space-time continuum forming and me seeing through doors and around corners and all sorts of things my brain doesn't perceive about reality in this frame of consciousness. The effects of LSD on the frontal cortex and it's perfect binding with seratonin receptors, locking into the receptor like a key and sitting there for twelve hours or more, it so totally says what researchers have been prohibited from discovering through normal scientific exploration for a long time.
It changes our perception to see what information we aren't taking in under normal states of consciousness. It's such a spiritual experience, it's like finally seeing things as they are instead of the usual, limited way our brains are wired to keep us from being distracted by all the sensory and cognitive information we by-pass to focus on the business of surviving. It is to become who you really are, in your true essence rather than what our brains weed out, filter, and ignore. Studies have resumed and the trip can be taken out by adding a bromide molecule to the lsd-25 and they have been able to treat the type of headaches I get. Terminating them for sufferers, where nothing else will do that. None of the other treatments offer 100% relief. The lovely, so called, "Suicide headaches". I don't think doctors should use that term.
I would never kill myself for lack of ability to suffer. I know how to suffer. And, obviously, there is some aspect of me that enjoys it since I seem to inflict such a load of it on myself!
I wonder if the bromide destroys the other effects. I want to know more about the patients in the control group and what their experiences are. I could possibly go to Sweden for the treatment, but I would have little hope of getting the NHS to take up the protocol.
They aren't in the business of curing anyone. Just guinea pigging you on far more dangerous, less tested, new drugs that, ten years down the road prove to cause all sorts of horrible things. And the drugs won't have had the desired effects at any point. So, I don't take drugs that haven't been known to medicine for a long time, (at least 40 years of tried, unvarying results). Forty years is plenty of time on the market to see long term effects emerge. This is why I trust things like morphine and a few others I will not bore you by enumerating.
Drugs. My life would have been hell without them. But, taking them and not allowing the underlying cause to fully declare itself for diagnosis, that an acute attack would have offered, had I had the ability to perceive one through the medication. All the gallbladder attacks I would get when I was not medicated seemed to me to be
a side effect of withdrawal. The difference between the two is minimal, so it was an easy thing to wrongly attribute to the absence of pain meds. I thought it was normal to puke pure bile, in an array of vile colours. It was what I had always done, and I was never closely acquainted with other people's sick, so I just assumed, you have bile in stomach, that's what comes out. NOPE!
If you are vomiting pure bile, you have a problem and need to get immediate medical attention.
I wasn't headed into endocrinology, I was genetic research orientated, so my time in medicine had a different focal point.
Physician, heal thyself!
Oh, I'm so tired of medical crap I could puke bile.
Ebola is wearing me out.
The result of improper interaction with animals.
Just like every other plague we've suffered in the battle for health and sanitation. It's why every vaccine has the blood of an animal in it somewhere. I think we could have found better preservatives than the neurotoxic thimerosol. Who thought injecting a human body with mercury was a good idea?
Tommy has not been vaccinated yet, and he has never been ill for more than a few days with an ear infection here and there. A cold here and there, and that is it. He fights everything off so effectively and I hate that I know he will be sicklier when I get him vaccinated.
We postpone, and follow certain rules of engagement until a full cognitive assessment has been established and the child is healthy and strong enough to sustain the assault of vaccinations. This is a method, approved by our GP due to my first three boys all having to have infected lymph nodes at vaccine injection sites surgically removed at the ages of two and three. Will was not vaccinated until the age of four. He has not had to have the surgery, and we will vaccinate this year with Tommy. His cognitive development is accelerated, so if there are any changes to that, we'll know what caused it. I hate to think about the catch 22 of vaccines. You are highly conflicted about injecting them with a disease and poisons, but modern medicine insists this is essential. Well, part of it does. The other part will tell you that just as many vaccinated individuals contract the diseases for which they are supposed to have immunity as any unvaccinated population. So, what's the point? Your chances of still getting the disease are just as high, if exposed, as if you had no vaccines. Stupid. This is true of things like measles and mumps, both highly survivable now. And they were not when the vaccines were created for them.
Things like oral polio vaccine, I have no issue with. There has been a modified, untreatable polio like virus cropping up in the US in California and few other places.
Oh, I have to stop. I am sure you won't mind.
So much for being positive.
This is Salford, we aren't optimistic.
