The Saddest Things.

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This has been a really difficult time for my family and me. This year has been especially hard. I`ve been ill most of this year and when I got my anemia diagnoses it explained why I was so tired and run down. I suspect some just thought I was being lazy but I really couldn`t pick myself up and just get things done. My psych said it might be the reason my concentration is so low. I used to love to read and now I have difficulty just concentrating on the book I am attempting to read. That really makes me sad. My bipolar depression doesn`t help much in that way.

My Mom who is my best friend in the world is also ill. She was diagnosed a few years ago. I had a great deal of trouble accepting she was ill. I recently told this to a friend, and I explained to him that I didn`t tell him earlier was because typing those words would make it real. It`s been so hard to bear and I can feel her anguish. She has always been an independent person and I see how much it hurts to have to give up the things she loved doing like us taking a ride and going to get a Diet Coke or a treat whenever she wanted. I think she misses small things like that. I just love her so much she really doesn`t deserve the hand dealt to her. She has always been a very kind and gentle person. She helps our family as much as she can. She really does not deserve this.

There have been some nice things this year. My family and I took a family vacation in October to Disneyland and had a really fun time. I also was able to see Morrissey live this year and I was very grateful for that. I was so impressed with my fellow Morrissey fans who showed such kindness when I had trouble going up the stairs to my seat because I got dizzy. At most Morrissey shows I`ve been to the fans have been really cool people.

I`m just hoping the new year will be better for us. My only mistake is I`m hoping.

Good night.

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