So Far From Where I Intended To Go
- Author Tibby
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I`ve been thinking a lot about life and what`s the meaning of suffering and why we have to suffer. I don`t understand why we should have to suffer in this life when we are decent people. My Mother is more than a decent person. She is a kind, good, beautiful person. She has helped so many people...
I couldn`t sleep last night because I had a terrible headache, I think it was a migraine. I`ve been getting headaches all this week. I think they are all caused by all the tension in this house. My Mom is ill, and she had a bad week where she didn`t feel well at all. Now my Mom cannot help being...
I recently celebrated my birthday and got to thinking about time and the things I`ve been through. My twenties were not good in fact I think they were a nightmare because that`s when I started getting ill. It first manifested itself by torturing me with bad, untreated OCD. I suffered in silence...
This has been a difficult time for my family and me, this year has been especially difficult because I`ve been ill for most of this year. When I got my anemia diagnoses it explained why I had been feeling so tired and ill. I suspect people thought I was just being lazy but I really couldn`t get...
I found out a little while ago that I am anemic. My new psychiatrist told me when last I saw him. That totally explained the exhaustion I have been feeling. Since then, I have had more lab work done. I have an illness that effects my stomach. My regular doctor still wants more tests done because...
I haven`t been well physically and mentally. I`ve just not been feeling well at all. I am exhausted all the time and have trouble sleeping. My depression is really wearing me down and I have no motivation. I am just a useless thing taking up space. All I want is to feel better. When you`re sick...
I`m feeling pretty blue at the moment. Blue and empty inside. I feel the time passing by and I`m still here. It`s been better and it`s been much worse but it never goes away. Ever since I became ill I feel like I've never had a moment of peace. My mind is always going on a loop thinking of the...
What`s wrong with you ? Why don`t you smile more ? I can`t answer those questions : out loud to anyone anyway. I can admit it to myself though. What`s wrong with me ? For one thing I am terribly unhappy. For another I've been feeling horribly lonely lately. I do have my family and believe me I`m...
I`m listening to Morrissey`s song "Lost" right now. Which is exactly how I feel right now. I`m in an awful depression right now. I`m tired all the time and can`t find the motivation to get a whole lot done right now . I mean I try but I think some people might just think I`m being lazy. I hate...
I've been having sleepless nights. Nights are the worst for me. My mind races and goes through every worse case scenario. I hate when it starts to get dark now. It used to be quite the opposite. I used to wait for the night to come. I used to get a lot of things done. I also used to wait for...
I've been like this for years now. Ill that is. When I was first treated for mental illness I was treated for depression and anxiety. Now my diagnosis is bipolar 2 with panic disorder. I feel my depression more than hypomania. I've read a lot of people with bipolar 2 are also that way. I've...
I don`t remember the exact time I discovered this thing. This thing that made me feel better. This thing that brought me this strange form of relief. Even I know it`s a strange thing to do to yourself. It`s also weird that doing that to yourself takes you (temporarily) away from what`s going on...
I 've had trouble sleeping for a long time now. I have probably written before that I can`t sleep without the help of meds. I have racing thoughts and they seem to get worse at night. During the day there are distractions. Like errands I have to run and household things that need to get done...
It`s been a few years now since I last self injured. I still wear the marks it left. The scars are still there reminding me of what I did to myself. All the time I dragged the razor or scissors or a jagged piece of broken glass across my arm or the times I used cigarette lighters to burn myself...
This week has been difficult. I could barely drag myself out of bed yesterday. I just didn`t have the will to get up and face another day. In fact getting by day by day is really difficult for me. Just simple everyday things feel like a monumental tasks for me. I`m always so tired and have no...
I feel numb. I`m not sure if it`s the meds or not. I feel empty inside. I don`t seem capable of much these days. I look in the mirror and all I see is emptiness in my eyes. My body feels exhausted all the time. This illness takes so much from me. I don`t see my purpose in life. I don`t feel...
My week didn`t start out so well. I started the new med my psychiatrist prescribed to me last week and it didn`t agree with me. It made me sick to my stomach. I won`t be taking that again. When I saw him last week he also prescribed something that would help my anxiety during the day. I took it...
I think I`ve written before about my anxiety coming on when it gets dark outside. It used to be different with me. A couple of years or so I only used to sleep about every other night. I had/have really bad insomnia. Now I do sleep every night that`s if I take my meds. No meds means no sleep...
I can`t help feel that way tonight. I was just sitting here and a feeling of dread washed over me. I have my family and I love them but I can`t help feeling so lonely. When it gets dark it gets worse . I hate the night. My day went well enough but these awful feelings take over at night. I feel...
I still do. I feel so lonely in this illness. I celebrated a nice Thanksgiving with my family but I couldn`t help feeling lonely even surrounded by family.The thing is I felt alone because my sisters all have their spouses and kids and I don`t have any of that. I know that I don`t need anybody...
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