I just went to bed, almost fell asleep when I pieced some random thoughts of the day together and it occurred to me that my little imaginary children episode has been revisited. And so I had a crying jag just now. :o I was sooo confused, I hadn't figured out the up down system yet. Catpower sings a line about it in her song Water & Air, about being underwater and the devil all around, filling your head with false ideas and feeding them so they'll grow and trip you up. It's hell. Today I moved my female bird in with my male, she escaped at one point and instead of flying away, she flew to his cage, she wanted to be with her kind. But she couldn't figure out how to fly in the cage. At one point I spooked her when I got close to open the door and she flew behind the bamboo shade and got stuck. Shade is Hades. I helped her out and her nail was caught in the shade. I removed it and placed her in the cage where she wanted to be. Hopefully God is helping me in the same way.

I have very low self esteem. I was trained to lose for so many years.


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