Who do you believe was responsible for Morrissey's food poisoning in Peru?


Justin Playfair

Do you think someone could've been behind Morrissey's mysterious food poisoning? I came up with a rushed list of possible suspects. Voice whoever you think could've been behind this dastardly deed.


Sir Jamie Horrible- could possibly be Prime Suspect #1

David Cameron- If he can't listen to The Smiths & Moz then he wants to make sure that no one does.

Nick Grimshaw- I have no idea why this puke would be involved in this, but anything's possible.

fuck face.jpg


Robert Smith (of The Cure)- How many decades has their feud lasted now?

Sir Elton John- Moz blasted Uncle Elty on The Janice Long radio show a few years ago, and something tells me Captain Fantastic hasn't forgotten it.

Maldonado- He's Morrissey's Bizarro!



Luis Suarez- plays on the Liverpool football club. Public Enemy #1 in the English Premeire League. Why he'd be responsible for this dastardly deed I really couldn't speculate. But just like that crumb Grimshaw he simply can't be ruled out.

Public Enemy #1.jpg

Luis Suarez

Howie Mandel- American TV funnyman. He's jealous of Moz's hair.

freaky howie.jpg

Freaky Howie

-please feel free to come up with your own suspects. I have to leave and go to an outdoor Shakespeare play. In 102 degree heat! Fuck.
Last edited by a moderator:


New Member
Why anyone would want to hurt this beautiful man is beyond comprehension and they should be punished by death.

Justin Playfair

The chef... a colleague of Gordon Ramsay's. Paybacks are hell!
Good choice! The chef certainly had opportunity in his favor. Plus, it's widely known that Ramsay's tentacles extend all over the world.

Mike Joyce ;)
Another good choice! He might be miffed that Moz doesn't want The Smiths to reunite and take over!

Or it could be the person who most of us would least suspect.......

I'm talking about Manilow. He wrote the songs "that made the young girls cry" and the songs that made me never want to turn on my radio again. What would Manilow's motive be? I don't know. I guess that's why he's the person we least suspect.


Quite simply, Manilow
Last edited by a moderator:


New Member
Haha, aww how cute. Are you trying to be the new Viva even though you hate him? How nice that you're being productive with your time in-between sucking gnarled, warty cocks with your gaping cum filled blob fish mouth.
LOL!!! kiss your momma with that mouth?!

Justin Playfair

***Breaking News***

There are many new developments in the ongoing saga of Morrissey's mysterious food poisoning at a restaurant in beautiful Peru. They are as follows....

- Sir Jamie Horrible is no longer a suspect. He has a 100% airtight alibi. At the time of the food poisoning incident he was playing in a wallyball tournament in Fresno. Horrible has been cleared.

- Sadly, the buffoon Grimshaw has also been cleared. He was actually in outer space at the time. Grimshaw was on a top secret training mission with three astronauts and British business magnate Sir Richard Branson. Apparently they were training for their upcoming voyage to Triton, which is Neptune's largest moon. The voyage is shrouded in secrecy and the five men are set to depart for Triton in early November. No word on why that bellend Grimshaw is part of this top secret mission or why they're going to Triton.


Ground control to Buffoon Grimshaw

- Robert Smith (of The Cure), Sir Elton John, Maldanado, and Manilow have also all been cleared as suspects. Interestingly enough they were all together in a Miami recording studio at the time of Moz's food poisioning. The four gentlemen have just formed a brand new supergroup called The "New" Secret Agent Men. There were many other people in the recording studio at the time of the food poisioning to corroborate their alibi. That night they recorded their first song together which was a cover version of the 1978 smash hit, "Love Is Like Oxygen," by Sweet.

Here's the original version by Sweet. Enjoy!

- David Cameron, Luis Suarez, and American TV funnyman Howie Mandel all remain suspects.

-a new suspect has emerged. He's an American television icon and the star of "Hardcore Pawn." He's Les Gold.

an American Legend.jpg

American icon, Les Gold

He's jealous of the fact that Moz doesn't have any kids. Gold's two idiot kids drive him up a wall week in and week out on his reality TV show. And like Howie he's also jealous of Moz's hair. He's a suspect.

-you know this is gonna be one of those posts that I regret sending. Oh well:).
Last edited by a moderator:
Top Bottom