what is it about waiting at bus stops that, if you're feeling a bit emotional and fragile, suddenly brings on the tears? it's become a habit for me, breaking down at bus stops. although i should say it doesnt happen that often because i rarely ever take the bus. today i had to because i needed a new power chord. passersby around here are generally very nice though when you're crying at the bus stop. they stop and ask you if you're okay, or just say "im sorry". today they didnt, and im glad for that, because if they knew the reason they would think it silly. only it's not silly. i cant think of anything more shattering than the death of klaus nomi.
i think it's his optimism that kills me the most, that makes the appalling circumstances of his death seep into everything, making it so that i cant separate his death from his life, cant just enjoy his videos and what he brought to the world without also being horribly sad. because when i watch this achingly sweet, affecting, so delighted-to-be-doing-what-he's-doing man i cant help but think "he has absolutely no idea the extremely cruel hand that fate is just about to deal him".
i hate it when people say "he lives on his music". what the hell is that supposed to mean? it doesnt make anything better. it's a way of saying "that's that". but that is definitely not that. his death was the wrongest wrong that ever there was, and nothing in heaven or earth can ever make it right.