what made you frown today?

Discussion in 'Off-topic' started by rifke, Mar 11, 2016.

  1. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    cruise ship season has begun and with that comes the most awful kind of tourist :( dont get me wrong, i like our neighbours to the south just fine, but the american cruise ship passenger is an entirely different species of human. i really think with them the saying "doesnt know their ass from their elbow" is quite literally true. they demand to be treated like invalids, half the time they dont even know they're in canada, and they express surprise when they find out that the canadian unit of currency is also called the dollar (what did they think we used? euros? rupees? furthemore did they do absolutely no research before they began their travels?). their large unappealing families can be seen milling around the main streets with no particular purpose, usually with gargantuan slurpees in hand, and always getting in the way of anyone with any actual destination. if there are five of them taking up the sidewalk and only one of you coming toward them not a single one of them shows any intention of moving, they are that oblivious, that odious, or that stupid (but i dont move either. ill walk right into them if i have to, on principal, despite how vile a physical encounter that might turn out to be). then they insult you by telling you that they're on vacation like it's real cute and neat and a total novelty, when nobody really gives a fuck.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Troll Troll x 1
  2. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    words are like a gated community. sometimes you have access, find yourself right in the thick of that community, and can comment at length on anything and everything, leisurely plucking words from the air as they swirl around you in endless fecundity, feeling that all that you say is very wise and apropos and true-ringing, that the gods love you and only you (whether or not any of this is correct is, of course, highly debatable. that is, other people can debate it if they like. when in such spirits, pedestrianism of this kind--adherence to what is realistically correct and what isnt--is for peple who are not you). other times, without having even noticed yourself growing weary, without even understanding how it happens, you suddenly and unamusingly find yourself on the outskirts of the community, with no way of getting in, and you wonder how you ever did in the first place and doubt that you ever can again, the gate going all around it being unfathomably high and impenetrable.

    or, words are like a mass, a big circular mass of something dropped into your hands, which you blindly run your hands over, which you work at like a sculptor, an almost tangible experience, complete with weight and feel, these last two things being very important. other times the words just run through your hands, like water. no weight. no substance. nothing.

    the latter of these two instances is how i am feeling now, have been feeling for the past week. like a mute. like nothing clicks. like i have holes in my brain--yes, very much like i have holes in my brains. or blank spots, like the way your eyes feel after having looked at a bright light for any length of time (which is interesting because my eyes do feel like that now, and always seem to when im in this way--is there a connection, i wonder? "body i am entirely and nothing else besides", ala nietzsche?). it's very frustrating. how am i supposed to record my preternaturally brilliant observations and opinions on all things great and small for the edification and education of the world in this state?

    despite my blank spots, i nevertheless sat down today to try to will words into being, because surely, i thought, i must have control over the things in my own brain? as long as i applied myself and had the necessary patience ive always been able to do anything i set my mind to before--never not understood or not been able to do anything. surely, then, it must just be a laziness, a lack of will, that makes it seem like i have holes in my brain and not any actual holes in my brain. but alas, despite my best efforts at optimism and logical thinking, and all attempts to deny the inevitable fruitlessness of the endeavour, i was, predictably, met with nothing but blankness. so i just pissed around a bit on the computer, as i do; drank copious amounts of coffee, as i also do (though more today in the hopes that it might have some sort of energizing effect--it didnt); wondered briefly what it would be like to get hit with lightning, would i, for a split second, know everything there was to know? (a new train of thought for me); and chalked this day up as a waste. but not without one flash of insight: because im sitting in a different spot than i normally do (for inspiration, feng shui or whatever), i noticed anew the collection of art cards and post cards i had half-assedly stuck to a cupboard ages ago, and was momentarily enchanted by the way the pictures went together, by the way you could grasp them both as pictures in themselves and as part of a whole, all the patterns and pictures in collaboration to create a new effect (what work, i wondered, takes place in the brain when you take in 10 individual pictures at the same time, instead of just one? what if all the pictures were of a jarring juxtposition: concentration camp inmates alonside carnivale drag queens, concentration camp vs. concentration of camp?), which occassioned me to sigh to myself and wonder why it wasnt possible to have a career as a maker of collages, since that is what i would really like to do, enough of this writing nonsense. because if there is one thing i have always felt to be true to the core of my being it's this: pictures are infinitely better than words. that is why it's better to be beautiful than smart, and why spending your money on expensive clothes is much better than spending it on college (fyi, kids). not that this is an opinion i can afford to have, being no great beauty by any stretch (though i will admit a certain affectionate fondness for my nosebridge and ears), but it is one that i feel to be quite true none-the-less. so that, finally, when i get tired of this business of sitting down to confront yet again the holes in my brain, when the absolute pointlessness of it finally hits me, im going to just live my life as installation art, considering only one thing: how would this scene, with me in it, look from above? are all the pieces in place? how can i ameliorate this scene by the way i dress, or the way im standing? how everything comes to be in this one particular moment hardly matters, how one feels about anything unconnected with the moment hardly matters. all that matters is the moment, that the scene is enlivened, weighted by objectivity and framed as though it were a picture being watched by the gods. the only language i am really interested in is the one communicated silently between all the objects sharing the same space.

    there is nothing bad to fear; once you have crossed that threshold, all is well. another world and you do not have to speak. (franz kafka)

    i go now--in the meantime--to despair (and maybe to see if theres anything to eat besides a lone jar of jam?)
     
    • Troll Troll x 1
  3. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I watch Morrissey concert videos non stop until i feel better, the NYE concert was very fun to watch. The audience flinged themselves onstage during the last song was .. i really don't know how to put into words. People jump on stage to shake Morrissey's hand. It is quite amazing.
     
  4. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    yes, i always find it heartwarming to see mozzer getting the love and respect he deserves! <3
     
    • Troll Troll x 1
  5. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    stupid women and their stupid handbags. i cant tolerate this handbag fetish so many women seem to have, where theyll spend outlandish amounts of money on some obnoxious bag, which usually costs more than every item of clothing in their closet combined, and its usually a bag that every other woman in town owns as well, and therefore has nothing to do with personal style. dont they realize how foolish all of this makes them seem? for one thing, if you're going to spend great wads of dough on a bag, why buy the same one everyone else already owns? im tempted to think that a bag might be worth $4000 if it were rare and unique and had some kind of singular appeal, but not when it's a bag seen being carried by every other person on the planet. secondly if you cant afford to buy the clothes by the designer or afford the lifestyle that the bag represents, you probably shouldnt be carrying the bag. do these people think that carrying a bag alone impresses anyone or puts them in league with the jet set? what do they think it proves? it proves nothing other than you have absolutely no clue what is actually good and what you could, or should, be spending your money on. thirdly, it's just a bag, it's just meant to hold your shit. does it really have to cost thousands of dollars? i might spend $1000+ on a jacket, but thats entirely different (ask me why, i implore you!), but im not likely to spend that on a bag.

    oh, and in connection with the obnoxiousness of women and their bags, i really cannot tolerate the way some women hold their bags, like in the picture below. for some reason this pose is particularly irksome to me. i just feel like i would feel like such an ignorant cow if i were to walk around like that. there's just nothing that seems natural or graceful to me about it.
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Troll Troll x 1
  6. countthree

    countthree Obvious person

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2015
    Messages:
    4,790

    Have you read William Thackeray's ‘Vanity Fair‘? It's very funny.
     
  7. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    no, i have read very little of the classics unfortunately! do you recommend i should read it?
     
    • Troll Troll x 1
  8. countthree

    countthree Obvious person

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2015
    Messages:
    4,790
    Totally.
     
  9. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    k, i will!
     
    • Troll Troll x 1
  10. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    it seems i have burnt my eyes. can such a thing even happen? i think i must do it every year and go from around may to october with balls of fire rotating in my eye sockets. its an unavoidable part of the summer for me. sadly, it is not an affliction that has any pleasant qualities at all. my eyes feel very much like they are on fire, and the pain radiates to all the bones of my upper face. and then there's the sight issue and the fact that i cannot focus my eyes to do anything. even typing this right now is very difficult, and trying to read or watch tv or even to have conversations with people is a peculiar kind of torture because i cannot look at anything for very long. to try to keep my eyes focused whilst also following someones words, which are often tedious at the best of times, is nearly impossible. i start to feel incredibly jumpy when anybody talks to me for too long when my eyes are like this, like i need to interrupt them mid sentence by exclaiming "enough of this!' and walking away. even rest and darkness does not help. when i close my eyes the eyelids seem too thin, too flimsy, like they're going to bleach away, and that no darkness, no shield will ever be enough. it makes me incredibly tired but not in a way that sleep can ease. but the worst of all, besides the greyish colour my eyes have gone, is the direct connection the state of my eyes seems to have with my ability to function. i suffer from some sort of dissociation when my eyes are like this, like i dont know where i am half the time, i dont what im saying until i've said it, i dont know what im seeing until i think about it, and when looking for objects i often dont see them even when they are right in front of me (there was an incident last year where i had gone to a pharmacy to buy potassium tablets, but i could not for the life of me figure how to get in to the pharmacy. there seemed to be only an out door. i walked all around the building, thinking "well maybe they've put the in door over here to the side of the building where the hedges leave only an inch of space between them and the wall". nope. i went back to the out door and tried pressing on it, thinking "maybe it works as an in door too." also, no. finally, i saw someone walking toward the pharmacy and "ah! i shall watch them!" i thought with cunning "and see how they get in!". and in they went, through the in door that was right beside the out door. it was, of course, a double door. i am still astounded by this uncharacteristic daftness of mine, which can only be explained by the state of my eyes). it is, if you'll forgive me the cliche, a rather kafkaesque state to be in, where ordinary things of daily life suddenly take on a new peculiar horror, with no end in sight. it seems to me like valid grounds for going crazy.
     
    • Troll Troll x 1
  11. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    This made me cry. I'll make jam this year.
     
  12. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    sometimes i think rifke and i are opposite sides of the same coin, my one and lonely
     
  13. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    make sure it's strawberry! i only like strawberry! and send me a few jars with bunny stickers on the top!
     
    • Troll Troll x 1
  14. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    It's a done deal. Am being bombarded on Instagram by market gardeners wanting to know my secrets, can't face telling them I don't have any, I'm just a natural. BunnyBugHugs.
     
  15. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

  16. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    why's that? i read about halfway through the article, then decided it was too long.
     
    • Troll Troll x 1
  17. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    because he almost takes responsibility for his actions but bottles it at almost every turn with it somehow being the worlds fault. "i live in the hamptons but all year round like the poor people" "i mean i could have chosen to another career other than being a writer but then that would be like me trying to be another person". oh no the world wont let you be exactly who you wan tot be, poor baby. i mean if everyone got to be exactly whatever they wanted to be im sure everyone would be wealthy. its also double annoying since he came from at least semi wealthy parents if they had the money to pay for his childrens stanford and emory education out of pocket even if it meant he didint get an inheritance like he claimed would be the consequence. says his situation is also due to wage stagnation unlike in the past but being a writer has been a career that has never had wage increases like other more solid stable careers. and more and more and mroe
     
  18. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Bye Buns XXX
     
  19. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    11,089
    Location:
    the woods
    ahhh yes, that makes sense. i want to punch him in the face now too.

    - - - Updated - - -

    um bye? lol
     
    • Troll Troll x 1
  20. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    maybe they just think youre awesome and rad
     
Loading...

Share This Page