Want

Stephen

Gemini
I couldn't really sleep last night. It led to me spontaneously typing this 'article' on the need for 'want', that all humans have. What do you reckon?

Want

There must be something more. There simply must be something more. That is exactly what I think, daily. It is what I write about so very often. But, why must there be something more? There is no logical reason for there to be ‘more’ – whatever ‘more’ is. In fact, everything about this want for more is illogical. Scrap that. It is egoistic. I assume that I deserve more. Why do I deserve more? Why should I have more? I haven’t earned more, nor have I even tried to get it. Where would I get ‘more’ from? I have no idea really...

There is the basic, scientific, rather predictable and dull argument that people use within this topic – the one in which it is argued that since we were cavemen and everything, we had a constant want for things, for our own protection. We wanted more food, in case we ran out; we wanted more land, to make us safer and allow us more room to breed - all that malarkey. The same argument has been made as to why modern society is capitalist, which I quite frankly distrust. I have a bit more faith in the advancements that mankind has made. If we still haven’t got over the need for berries and cave’s aplenty by now, then we should have called it quits a long time ago. But anyway, my argument is a lot less scientific; a lot less pop-psychology is involved. A lot more guess work is used. But it is no less valid, you must understand.

Now, I cannot account for every soul that desperately clings onto this ever spinning planet – but I have a very high opinion of myself. Deep, deep, deep, deep down, that is. On the surface, and a fair way below that surface, I have low self-esteem, no confidence; I am full of self-pity and self-loathing. On the surface, and a fair few layers below, I have a low opinion of myself. But so, so deep down lies my ego. Right at the core of me, and it thinks very much of me indeed. It thinks a hell of a lot of me. It loves me. It believes I deserve everything. It bemoans the fact that I am still wandering around as a loner, no companion, no soul mare. A lot of girls out there a missing out on a real catch. It cannot comprehend just why I haven’t yet made it as a musician. ‘Why is Stephen not in a band?’ – It wonders, because, heck, he is the most talented soul I have ever encountered. My ego cannot comprehend as to why I am not popular. I am the funniest man alive. I am so wonderfully kind. Yes, the ego is a fool. But it is innocent. It doesn’t understand. It is infatuated with me. It is in love with me, and it wants me to be happy, and to have everything that I so desire. And that is why, I so often ponder, so desperately hope for, something more. It is my ego, twisting my emotions, trying to awaken me, trying to help me get what I really deserve, what is rightfully mine.

Of course, that silly little thing (ego) couldn’t be further from the truth. It see’s beyond my bitterness, my jealousy, my prejudices and envy’s – as lovers so often do. The ego is an innocent child within all of this, and I am its God. Poor thing...

Whether or not it is simply just my ego that is so devout to me, or it is the same for others, I don’t know. But it is the ego that dictates the individual, and my ego constantly wants, and wants, and wants. It wants me to be happy. It wants me to be successful. It wants me to find love, and feel love. It wants me to find salvation. It wants me to find enlightenment. It wants me to be special; it already thinks I am special. And for that, I can only apologise, for the ego, cannot be controlled, it is the controller. That tiny, little thing, buried deep within the essence of us all controls us. It is our nucleus.

Now, it would be nice if I could offer an explanation as to how we can alter our ego’s. How we can free ourselves from constant want for more and more. But, I don’t think that can change. And there, I reach a dead end. That’s where it all comes to an unexpected halt. There are no simple answers to life, I’m afraid.

The only thing I will suggest is that one should always simply accept and move on from that, which cannot be controlled. So, make of that what you will. I’ve never professed to be a prophet!

- Yours Truly
 

Branwell

First dramatic entrance
I used the word 'ego' for a button attached to you by other people's expectations which you adopt to feel socially accepted. Once it's there, it demands to be fed and to grow. Once it's there, you move away from yourself.
Indeed I believe before I became involved with people I had no ego.
It's a great bugger and it stands between you and yourself.

But I suppose you mean something else?
Once you've done what you wanted to do, identical with yourself, you'll stop wanting for a short time - it's called 'happiness'.
You're striving for it for want of it.

Either depression or satisfaction is the lack of wanting.
The ego strives for evolvement. You possibly cannot stop it. But you can break it.
 

CrystalGeezer

My secret's my enzyme.
Beautiful essay. If it's any consolation your essay rubs my ego's back and makes it feel better.

Tiny typo: soul mate instead of soul "mare" in paragraph three.
 

M-in-Oz

Active Member
Thank you for sharing your essay I really enjoyed reading it - as someone who is always wanting more...and I had never considered my wanting as coming from an egotistical place before.
Also, reminded me of the Cure song lyrics: 'Want'

I'm always wanting more
Anything I haven't got
Everything
I want it all
I just can't stop
Planning all my days away
But never finding ways to stay
Or ever feel enough today
Tomorrow must be more
Drink more dreams more bed more drugs
More lust more lies more head more love
More fear more fun more pain more flesh
More stars more smiles more fame more sex
But however hard I want
I know deep down inside
I'll never really get more hope
Or any more time
 
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