"This Struggling Waitress Received a Life-Changing Tip From Morrissey..." - The Hard Times (parody)

Pretty dumb Morrissey parody article

This Struggling Waitress Received a Life-Changing Tip From Morrissey and Now Wants to Die - The Hard Times
September 29, 2016 Culture, Hard Style

Excerpt:

Oh boy, looks like Morrissey is making headlines again.

We all know that from time to time celebrities will leave a big, life-changing tip for their waitperson that inevitably finds its way to social media. But this past Sunday at Echo Park’s Jupiter Café, Morrissey, the often-shirtless former lead singer of The Smiths, gave a tip to struggling 23-year-old waitress Allie Paige that will almost certainly ruin her life forever.

According to Allie’s numerous social media posts, the morning rush was finally slowing down when Morrissey entered the café and sat in her section. It had been a fast-paced and upbeat morning at Jupiter, but suddenly it seemed like a dark cloud rolled into the café.

 

[Anonymous]

If you are referring to Rifke, she has never attacked me, as a matter a fact, no one here has.
I think people misjudge her.
They take things very personally, too personal, while she only plays with language and her remarks are not to insult or to bully.
I can understand sensitivities and why people feel they are bullied but I know for sure this is not her intention.

I know her posts can be biting and sarcastic but you can't say she is dishonest. And she is very open about anything that is occupying her mind and her life.

If you are referring to Rifke, she has never attacked me...

... it's just a question of time

 

[Quando quando quando]

If you are referring to Rifke, she has never attacked me...

... it's just a question of time

She has as much time as she wants but it would have been easy for her to do so much earlier than now, but she's not about the easy stuff. I think she is very serious.
But it's okay, thank you for your concern, much appreciated.

 

[nicky wire's legs]

If you are referring to Rifke, she has never attacked me, as a matter a fact, no one here has.
I think people misjudge her.
They take things very personally, too personal, while she only plays with language and her remarks are not to insult or to bully.
I can understand sensitivities and why people feel they are bullied but I know for sure this is not her intention.

I know her posts can be biting and sarcastic but you can't say she is dishonest. And she is very open about anything that is occupying her mind and her life.

it's true, i would never seek to bully someone, i just kind of like to annoy people a little bit
anyways, thanks, you're a dear! and i am always impressed by your--and countthree's!--lucidity and clear assessments.
<3

 

[nicky wire's legs]

Agree. She is funny. She hits the mark, and I confess her sincerity sometimes makes me think about the stupid things I usually say here, but I don't care because nobody knows me. She is right most of the time and her parodies are accurate. Touchée.

you never say anything stupid, why you would think that is beyond me! thanks, by the way. you are toooooo nice!

 

[nicky wire's legs]

If you are referring to Rifke, she has never attacked me...

... it's just a question of time

k, ONE) i have never attacked you. not my fault if you get all stupidly offended over nothing. remember the time you were soOOOooooOoo incensed when ketamine sun called you a dudette, as though it were the worst insult in the world? exactly. TWO) although you seem like exactly the type of person to not notice such things, i have tried many times to be nice to you and establish some sort of friendly communication with you, and you have proved again and again just how impossible that is. THREE) you set the rules of engagement in the beginning of our acquaintanceship with your constantly hostile comments. not that i was bothered in the slightest, but it did lead me to believe that you were the type of person that enjoyed good old internet sparring as i do. the problem, i think, is that you're not very good at it. for one thing, it requires a sense of humour. for another thing, it requires that you arent constantly retreating to lick your wounds. FOUR) fyi, just because someone is smarter than you, doesnt mean they're meaner than you. i still give you an A for effort. FIVE) i would never attack gerrit--why would i? not only has he always been nice to me, and not only can we disagree about things like adults without either one of us getting in a tizzy, but he has also proven himself to be a good, thoughtful person who can take a joke. sorry to disappoint you but i have something called discernment.

 

[Anonymous]

k, ONE) i have never attacked you. not my fault if you get all stupidly offended over nothing. remember the time you were soOOOooooOoo incensed when ketamine sun called you a dudette, as though it were the worst insult in the world? exactly. TWO) although you seem like exactly the type of person to not notice such things, i have tried many times to be nice to you and establish some sort of friendly communication with you, and you have proved again and again just how impossible that is. THREE) you set the rules of engagement in the beginning of our acquaintanceship with your constantly hostile comments. not that i was bothered in the slightest, but it did lead me to believe that you were the type of person that enjoyed good old internet sparring as i do. the problem, i think, is that you're not very good at it. for one thing, it requires a sense of humour. for another thing, it requires that you arent constantly retreating to lick your wounds. FOUR) fyi, just because someone is smarter than you, doesnt mean they're meaner than you. i still give you an A for effort. FIVE) i would never attack gerrit--why would i? not only has he always been nice to me, and not only can we disagree about things like adults without either one of us getting in a tizzy, but he has also proven himself to be a good, thoughtful person who can take a joke. sorry to disappoint you but i have something called discernment.

Just for you Piefke.

 

[nicky wire's legs]

Just for you Piefke.

well yeah, i suppose it would've been asking too much for you to have come up with your own response